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My father coming up 73 in september worked all his life and has been a great provided for me (26 next month) and the family. Though he's a man who likes his booze bells, high commissioner, famous grouse etc. From what i know about his health, hypertension, arthritis in both knees (slow walker and can't stand for long), IBS and type 2 diabetes i think. Ive been aware through out my up bringing he takes tablets for these condition's and still drinks.

Ive always known from a younger age and the family his logic behind drinking (booze means BM for him). My opinion in the last few years with his logic behind drinking disgust's me and his reckless thinking towards booze. He also strained him self before i got into my teens. Big hemorrhoid type vein came out when he tryed to lift something heavy in the garden.


Whats your view on my father and me? Am i to blame the way he's turned out?
Or should i just man up and get my own place and get on with my life?:$

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Dear Basil! WHY would you think a parents alcoholism is the fault of the child? What could you possibly do to make a grown man drink? He was an alcoholic WAY before you cam into his life! And will ALWAYS be an alcoholic - as he already knows that ALL of his drinking is adding to his health issues! My father was a violent alcoholic till he had to have his gallbladder removed via emergency surgery - and was told he had hepatitis!!! This is after 40 years of my life and my moms BEGGING him to quit! He couldn't care less UNTIL his health was on the line! A drug addict, alcoholic etc, HAS to be the one getting the help, because if they just go through the motions it will NEVER happen! YOU can't change your dad, it's upto you how YOU deal with all of this! Do you tell him what you think, while moving on, or do you sit there quietly watching and being disgusted!? I'm not talking about walking away from him permanently - he's sick! It's just how does this affect YOU!? If you can't tollerate one more day of this, then it's time to move. IF you can then stick by it and change the way you will deal with it!!! That is the ONLY way to do it, also if you have ALANON in your area, go to their meetings! IT is very calming knowing that you aren't the only one dealing with all of this! Big hugs and good luck honey!
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Thanks bambi. Just more to add, getting out my early teens early twenties decided i wanted to look after my body and improve my appearance because of those late night teen booze drinking sessions, weed smoking etc. So i asked my father to purchase's a threadmill. Mixed treadmill with bodyweight exercises and felt great about myself (sometimes cocky macho). Then one day when i weren't feelin my bodys rhythm for the first time i then lost my temper and beat up my father over a miss understanding where something going to be placed at home. Ended up in prison remand for three weeks then another three weeks.

My father let me back home. Surfing the web for health and fitness once out of prison then i asked him to purchase a set Kettlebells. Got awesome results and still enjoy them to this date. When i talk to him about his health (when i'm feeling good in a drug free way). He's on the pc and I talk about how alcohol has contributed towards his health (he sips more). Espeically when i start raising my voice about his health i walk away i look over my shoulder see him open his desk draw takes another sip of that scotch mixed with tomato juice >:( disgusting. He does this quite often (taking sips) when i walk away when some how ive upset him. So now i try to approach talk to him when he aint drinking looking at his permanent bloodshot eyes and that saggy booze face. >:(

Also for the past year when im sure when he aint drinking (i think) or ive upset him somehow. It seems like he wants his presence felt by making deep forceful straining coughing sounds (very disturbing espeically when he does it in the toilet!) Like rolling his fingers against the wall when he's presence is near. He started to sleep down stairs in my early teens (because of his knees and snoring)


What the F**k is wrong with my father?! Is he tryin to mentally kill my spirit?
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Obviously there is a LOT of dysfunction here! For you to beat him up - were you on steroids? - and for all of this hatred towards him! There must be a lot of baggage from the past that you and he are dealing with - he by drinking and you by raging! It is time to move out! This man repulses you and obviously you have rage issues and this WILL escalate to the point of more violence! It is a no win situation you staying there! There is a disconnect here with the way you talk about yourself and the way you talk about your father! You ask HIM to buy YOU machines and instruments to look good! YET this same man who has bought ALL of this stuff for YOU, and let YOU back into the house, repulses YOU to the point of pure unadulterated hatred! Like I stated you have a big problem with him, and obviously this is NOT going away anytime soon! He might even be avoiding your hatred of him by drinking or being on the PC! IF you raise your voice towards him, and he drinks, he is anticipating anger and bodily harm! So he is trying to escape before it becomes too much to handle!

You are NOT going to like what I have to say - BUT I study people and their actions and reactions - this is a small snipet of your life being about appearances! You feel rage and repulsion at this old man that doesn't have the "Strength or tools" that you were given to get out of the same lifestyle! This is NOT his problem it is YOURS! I seriously worry about your dads safety! And think that there has been periods of abuse from both sides for many years and NOW with your physical strength, you NOW can give as good as you got! The difference is this IS a choice that you have made! He is a drunk - probbaly always was and from what you are exhibiting now, I would guess a VERY cruel and violent drunk! Is that what you want to become - without the alcohol as an excuse? IF not you need to walk away and get on with your own life! And leave him be in his own world! I think you are less worried about his health than you are about showing him what a failure he is! So please remove yourself from this lousy situation and get some help for yourself! BEFORE your life takes a terrible twist!
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Don't worry every thing will get all right...
You be cheerful and make your family also..
talk to your father.. have a friendly chat with him.


***edited by moderator*** web addresses not allowed
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