I met this guy about a year ago, he was sweet and funny but he drank a lot. I thought because he is 23 that excessive drinking came with the territory I am 26. He would say he is an alcoholic but I just thought he was joking. i didn't even think of him as boyfriend material then he asked me to move in with him and things just went on from there, after moving in with him I realized he drank EVERY NIGHT sometimes a case of beer sometimes half a 5th of vodka..he would finish the rest the next night. We had horrible fights when he was drinking. He would make things up just to provoke me into a fight and I fed into it. Then one night he decided to call the cops because he was trying to kick me out of our apartment and I refused to leave you know because I lived there with him and his sister. I would walk on egg shells for awhile not sure what kind of mood he would be in when he came home, is he angry today? I was happy when he came home but scared of what mood he was in..he told me to leave several times when he was drinking and I actually did once, he promised to cut back, that he would stay away from hard A, because I could tolerate him when he drank beer. He wasn't as mean when he drank beer. When he drank vodka was when he was his meanest.. I don't even know how many times he fell asleep while we were in the middle of being intimate.
I am not very big into drinking but I found myself drinking when I didn't feel like it 1. So he would have less to drink and 2. I didn't know any other way to cope. I didn't understand how he could be so sweet and loving telling me everyday "have I told you today how beautiful you are" and waking up in the middle of the night to kiss me and tell me he loves me. How can he be so hateful when he drinks? How can he be such a different person?
He has "broken" up with me so many times but I always knew it was just part of his game and that he would apologize later and say he didn't mean it. He would say horrible things to me, on one occasion he threatened to slam my head into a wall, but every time I started crying he felt bad and apologized. He told me the first time he knew he loved me was when he had made me cry because it hurt him too... there are so many things wrong about that I don't know where to start.
Things seemed to get better for a little while then he started being really distant, I would say I love you or try to be affectionate with him and he would just sit there like a statue ignoring that I was even there. On multiple occasions when he was angry with me over something he had made up he would ignore me and only talk to his sister, because that is what they do. They are both alcoholics and have a weird husband and wife type of relationship. I was always competing with her for him but he was never mine. Them and the alcohol that's what it was all about and I didn't fit in the picture. The sad thing is she has two very young children who she leaves in the care of their alcoholic parents. I tried and tried to get him to cut back, told him constantly how unhappy I was, how I needed to be more important to him than his sister who he always chose over me. What did I get in return? Hatred. Accusations that I had men over while he was at work. Being looked at as live in maid because neither of them cleaned or picked up after themselves. I was there why should they? I was being used by two alcoholics and didn't even realize until I just typed out the words. Why should I be sad that a relationship that wasn't even real is over? I don't know but I am. I shouldn't be though.
I am so ashamed of myself for letting it go on as long as I did, especially after the night he left me alone with two of his guy friends that I just met. He thought I had been flirting which he always thinks when he has been drinking and I talk to other guys, so he left with out saying anything. His friend then told me he was breaking up with me and wanted all my sh*t out. I had no way home and a dead phone so I was stuck on the strip in the hotel of these people I barely knew. I finally made it home to find all my stuff in the living room. I know he just wanted to fight and make me feel bad but I was fed up he said leave so I was going to leave. I told him that one of the guys had kissed me and he flipped out saying I cheated on him sent out a newscast to his family about what a cheating w**** I was, but he left out the part that he broke up with me first. They hated me now which I didn't care I was done and I was never taking him back. Until I took him back.
He continued to drink of course, even when I asked him not to be drunk around me, one night when he was over he wanted to have sex and for some dumb reason even though I could smell the alcohol on his breath I agreed but it didn't work out that way..he ended up pushing me onto the floor which is humiliating in itself but what made it even worse is I was completely unclothed. I should have made him leave right then and there but I didn't. Another week of lies,excuses, and hurt feelings and him breaking up with me again. But this time it's final. I begged him to just let me move on, I couldn't take the hurt anymore, he is respecting my wishes which I should be happy about but it just makes me sad. I know it's for the best to not be with him he has said he doesn't want to stop drinking but I am still sad. How can I be sad after everything he has done? Why instead of being relieved that it is really over this time am I just sad that I won't get to talk to him anymore and why do I still want to? He pushed me, naked, onto the floor..the only reason I can't even tell anyone I know that happened. I am too ashamed for not making him leave.