Bi polar girlfriend. Time apart?

Gloomonster250061 over a year ago

I recently had a relationship or still have a relationship with a bi polar girl. Which of these i don't know. We were going out for a very happy six months and i did not know she had bi polar til the last week. She had a manic episode one night and i tried to help her through it which seemed to be going fine, broght her to the doctor and she got some meds. A week after things got alot worse, she began to drink and thats where it started. I was looking out for her but it seemed she was only thinking of herself now. She dumped me after sleeping with someone else pretty much right in front of my face. The day after she explained about bi polar and as part of that hyper sexuality. When breaking up with me i was crushed, but she picked out a few minors things i was meant to have done wrong when we were going out and hasn't been able to let these go since. She says she still loves me and wants to be friends. But after meeting her a couple of times she didn't seem like the same person i fell in love with. I have tried so hard to help her since we broke up, trying to get her to stop drinking or just go to meetings or doctors but this only seems to aggrivate her, she only wants to do things for herself which is fine but not much seems to be getting done. I love her like mad and she has tried to change me to suit her since we broke up i gave into some of these demands, i even forgave her for sleeping with someone else but she dosn't seem to be getting any better for me even tho she knows what she needs to do. We have not spoken in a few days and i'm trying to give her space to realize how good i have been to her. I need a rational discussion like we used to have. I just want to know is time apart the best thing? Will she ever talk to me again or do i carry on with my life?

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BB2424254263 over a year ago

So I have seriously been in your situation before and its getting pretty scary that people on here are going through the exact same things as me. ANyway, about you... Your gf honestly probably doesnt know whats going on with herself, in her own head. bi polar disorder is a really hard thing to describe to people who dont have it. She will probably come back to you, and leave you again, thats how this illness works. Drinking doesnt help AT ALL. but you cannot control her she is going to do what she wants to do wether you like it or not. just remember she doesnt mean to cause you pain by the things she does. she might even break up with you out of guilt for being such a heavy burden on you and causing you pain. I wethered the storm through multiple times being cheated on and verbal and physical abuse, and 3 or 4 breakups (maybe more I lost count); but i would not reccomend that. you can move on with your life and at the same time be a supportive friend. if your feelings are too strong you may just need to cut her off for a while until you figure out what you want. The most important thing i can say to you is make a decision about wether or not your going to be in her life and stick with that decision. Dont listen to people around you who dont know what your going through, alot of people dont really know about this disorder, and lack knowlege or respect for those who deal with it. Be careful but dont be afraid to love her and give her more emotionally than she offers you, the harsh reality is she has to figure out the devastating affects of her mistakes and decide that she doesnt want to make them any more.

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aleaht254846 over a year ago

I'm a 24 year old woman with bipolar 1. I have a very very healthy relationship, but ONLY because I'm super strict on myself, I work very hard to control my moods, to include my partner and letting them help if I need it. I stick to my meds and my psychotherapy like mad and am constantly evaluation my behaviour.
To deal with hyper sexuality I fantasise about my partner, to deal with mania I go out WITH my partner and do fun things. Depression is movies and (this sounds soppy) hugs and intimacy. I try very hard to make my fluctuating moods enjoyable and not a terrible chore, but it was very difficult to get to this healthy point.
Your girlfriend may take years to get healthy unfortunately and she will have to put in a huge effort to think of those around her and try see past the crazy moods. She needs to be consistent with her treatment before anyone can hope she can keep up a healthy relationship.
It's definitely very possible, bipolar people are not damned to failed relationships, but it requires a lot of thought and effort and if she is not willing to put in that effort I'm afraid you might have to let her sort out her issues on her own, as crushing as that is.
Best of luck!!!

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Gloomonster250061 over a year ago

Thanks guys. Most helpful. It's now been two weeks since weve talked, apart from a quick meeting in pub. We left at that she would contact me when she feels like. It was my birthday a few days ago the day before i dropped a present to her house just to remind her i'm still here for her. On my birthday all i wanted was a quick text from her but nothing of course. I know she wrapped up in her own world but still that hurt as i had put so much effort into making her feel happy on her birthday. We had a chance meeting in the pub the other day and even then she did not mention my birthday, i had also reminded her of the date like three times. I dunno for now i think im going to try and be friends but it's hard when someones being a douche towards you.

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aleaht254846 over a year ago

Speaking as a bipolar girl, I would never do that to someone, so don't just excuse all of her behaviour because she has a mental illness. A mental illness is not a ticket to treat someone like c**p and get away with it.
Bipolar doesn't mean you are forced to act awfully against your will all the time without shame. I think this girl is just treating you poorly.

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Gloomonster250061 over a year ago

Thanks for replying again. It's very strange for me at the moment. I've been trying to be strong about this and still trying to help her. After leaving the ball in her court and not talking for a while leaving it at that she would get onto me, the first text she sends me is about fixing her laptop. Not i miss u or do you want to hang out. I did this for her we were talking away during this and she said that she thinks she dosn't have bi polar. Basically saying to me that all along she had just been f*****g me over. If she dosn't have bi polar she must be the best actress in the world. Was this her just trying to push me away further or her just deluding herself. She has been drinking every day from what i can tell. She says shes happy and healthy. I don't even know if she's taking the pills. She also said she was going to go to a bipolar meeting thing and she never went. Do i have to give out to her? pushing her away more. Do i have to drag her to a doctor? or do i just give up? I realy feel if i don't help her now she will ruin her life and maybe alot of other fellas lives along the way too.

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aleaht254846 over a year ago

Unfortunately you do not have control of this situation. If you try drag her to a doctor she either won go or wont listen to a word the doctor said. If you act desperately concerned she will wallow in it and basically 'show-off' how unstable she is to rub it in your face and get more sympathy. All you will do is torment yourself, and feel like a failure. Getting help is not one doctors visit, it is HEAPS of them and treatment takes a lot of hard work, trialing different drugs which is awful, finding a group of psychiatrists, psychologists and GP's and trying to build up a trust in them, then putting in the hard work to better yourself. It's such a big process that only the individual can do, no one can force it for them, it is impossible. It's so hard to let go of someone and watch them fall to ruin, but it's probably the reality check she NEEDS to truly want to help herself and get better. Intefering will just take that opportunity away from her and make it worse, though you have the best intentions. Just make it clear that when she's helping herse;f you'll be there for her, in the meantime you will give her some space :)

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Guest over a year ago

I been dating my gf for five months now. She does have bipolar disorder and she has anxiety issues. But the last three week has been hard. We been arguing every other day for three weeks. This past Thursday she told me to leave because she need time apart and to her self. So I did leave. But she did tell me that she is doing this to make things better and not worst. She also said that she is not doing this to give up on us. We messaged each other all day Friday until Friday night. But now she won't answer my calls, or messages. Since Tuesday I haven't messaged her at all. Is that a bad thing to do.i am in love with her and I won't everything to work out. I'm not giving up on her. So do y'all think she gave up or she don't want a relationship. Or do we still have a good shot of getting back together.

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