Bored during sexual intercourse

My feeling is that you just don't have the desire to have sexual contact with this person.

When I was 16 I double dated once with a buddy. I had the car and his girl brought someone along for me. I was not attracted to her at all. Even though teenage boys are supposed to be ready to jump anything that has only two legs, at any time, no amount of her fondling me produced the desired erection. She was not happy, and did not say nice things about me to her friends at school.

So I think you will be OK when you find someone who turns you on. I believe girls need that a lot more than guys do.

I agree...it sounds like this guy just didn't do it for you. If you can get aroused by thinking about sexual things or seeing them on tv, then you don't have any issues. And it does take a lot more attraction for girls...we can't just get excited over the thought of a penis, like a guy can over the thought of breasts. It takes a lot more work to please us...maybe this guy just is inexperienced and doesn't really know what places to touch or how to please you.

I thought of something else that may help you here.

I used to have a girl pal who was a great drinking buddy. We always sat together when we found the other at a bar. She was a beautiful and very sexy blond, much like the movie appearance of Marilyn Momroe, but she didn't have or need the makeup artists. She used to call me her brother and I called her sis. We had a lot of fun together but for some reason I was not turned on by her at all. It really was like we were brother and sister.

She used to like to have me scratch her back, which always led to scratching her breasts. I never knew another girl who liked to have her breasts scratched. She loved it -- the harder the better. I was always afraid my fingernails would hurt her. It never got me excited at all.

We were at a pool party one time -- skinny dipping, of course. Why would adults wear bathing suits in a private pool? There was a floating lounge chair in the pool which she climbed into and insisted I get on top of her. She thought it would be great fun for us to rub on each other for a while to tease another guy who wanted her bad, but his wife was there. He was keeping an eye on us for sure. He couldn't believe that I didn't have an erection when I got off her, and she thought that was the greatest fun of all. We were simply NOT sexually attracted to each other, but we WERE good friends. I was not repulsed by her, nor she me. I thought she had a great body.

When I think about it now, it's hard for me to understand how it works. Usually if I find someone not sexually attractive I wouldn't want to touch them either. With her I didn't mind scratching her back or boobs and wouldn't mind massaging her all over but it wouldn't turn me on.

I've never known a girl who could get turned on by thoughts and images as you describe, or would admit it, so there is certainly nothing wrong with your turn on switch -- it works. You're going to be able to have a wonderful time with the right guy.

Living a life asexually -- that is, without (interpersonal) sexual activity -- is not unheard of, and is likely more common than you might imagine. If you choose to live that way you are certainly free to do so, and would likely be able to find others who are similarly inclined. Sex, although a primal need designed to ensure the survival of the species, is not the only thing from which humans derive emotional, intellectual or physical satisfaction, of course. If it were, most intimate relationships (such as marriage) would likely founder in short order.

But assuming that somewhere in your sexual psyche you DO in fact enjoy sexual sensations and stimulation, as you seem to indicate, the issue would seem to be more one of expectations unfulfilled. In other words, unless you are very lucky, any sexual partner you consent to be with is going to have a hard time living up to the fantasy images, personality traits and talents you expect of the lover you, yourself have created in your mind. This is fairly unrealistic, as even the most sensitive and caring of our species is not quite yet telepathic. Sex with ourselves is relatively easy: we know exactly what to do and how to be to make us feel loved .. and loving. But sex with another person is a very different -- and delicate -- dance we do together. It takes time and experience to get it right; but mostly, it takes communication. The comfortable, well-worn patterns of sexual excitation and loving feeling you have perfected in your head, only "raise the bar" out on the dance floor, nearly guaranteeing a less than satisfying experience. Yes, a considerate, thoughtful, and careful lover should be able to pay attention to your body language, your breathing, the sounds you make, etc., to follow your lead -- or to lead you -- in the loving dance that is human sex. Their experience counts for a lot, but NOTHING takes the place of verbal communication, especially if you and your partner are new to each other sexually. If you already have an extant intimate friendship, then by now you should have a verbal familiarity that should make your needs, desires and fantasies easier to express. Luck usually isn't enough to make this happen. Open your mouth and speak to your lover. Tell them out loud what you like, what you need, what you know will turn you on, make you feel loved and cared for. Don't be embarrassed to guide them or ASK them to do something (I mean, you're already naked, right?), and DON"T assume they know what you need, what you like or what you want.

I am purposely leaving aside the possibility here that something in your younger, formative stages may have turned you away from the idea of enjoying a loving sexual relationship with another (adult) person, but it may be something you should consider. ALSO, you said you tried this with a (male) "friend", finding the attempted penetration "painful". I imagine it would be if you haven't had many penises make the attempt. (and again, you have to speak up and work together on that one. It cannot just be something that is done TO you.).

Two thoughts here: 1)... you might actually be more comfortable making love with another female. Perhaps you are trying to live up to someone else's expectations by trying this out with a male; and, 2)... sometimes a good friendship does NOT contain within it the seeds of a good sexual relationship. You may simply NOT see him in that way -- it was a good try, but it's just not going to be right with him no matter what you do. There's nothing wrong with admitting that.  

Finally, a word about your brain. As you have already found, pleasure and sexual satisfaction (especially orgasm) happen in your BRAIN, not in your body. Your mind takes the physical sensations you (or others) create, and mixes them with past experiences, fantasies, desires, and those pesky expectations, then tells your body what to do -- or NOT do -- about it. You brain quite literally has the ability to talk you out of enjoying sex with someone. Even if you only feel naughty or bad for having sex with someone subconsciously, that's enough to derail the entire experience and shut it all down. It's a lot to consider, I know, but the rewards of doing so are pretty miraculous when you actually get there. In any event, I wish you lots of Luck -- and hope you can enjoy exploring your amazing sexuality!