I have been living my husband who is papd, and I'm insulted by the fact that someone would lable papd as a disease. My husband makes the decision to move things on me, or lie to me to get his way; he is fully aware when he steals my glasses. These are purposeful acts, a disease implies that they don't have a choice. A disease would include cancer, diabetes, or even asthma. People who have these diseases didn't ask for this, a papd person makes the decisions to create these problems in the relationship. My marriage is over due to his papd behavior, his lack of respect for me or our children. It's saddening to know that there is no cure for this behavior, but I can not live like this anymore. I've read up on papd and it is my husband to a t. We've been in counceling for more than two years and he is no closer to even accepting the title papd than before. He'll tell me he is then try to convience me later that he isn't. Each year he gets worse and worse and now he is doing his papd behavior towards the kids all in an effort to get what he wants. My life has resorted to me having to hide the stuff I don't want stolen, I have to lock my other things so that he can't set me up to fail. Things like this make him happy. That's is sooooo sick but not a disease. It would be nice to hear feed back from someone in this same position.
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Sorry for your marriage problems. Passive/Aggresive is a personality/behavioral problem. It is not a disease per say but it is a recognized disorder and depending on the person there can be other underlying mental health issues and other disorders. It is not where the person has a switch to turn off and magically have good coping skills. Often there are anxiety phobias or even paranoia. So I totally disagree that the person is totally in control. I have worked with persons with mental disabilities for 20 years and it is such a misunderstood field. Even many workers dont understand thinking the persons is "in control" as you say. When in passive mode the person does not disagree, goes with the flow, does not speak up for themselves as does not like confratation and then the boiler explodes and the aggression takes place to relieve their tension. We all of us want to be in the middle balanced place where we are assertive taking care of relationships in a healthy acceptable way but we live in such a fast pace world that many people's anxiety turns toxic and this is one way it manifests itself. I cannot speak for your husband's condition but the reason I am answering your posting is that many people suffer horribly with anxiety. In order to be assertive a person requires good self esteem and be able to shut down their anxious thoughts, to have closure. In closing to anyone out there dealing with anxiety I assure you it is real and there are ways to cope with it. I am sorry that some folks find the need to miminalize mental health. Wendy D
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WendyD I understand there are people with mental health issues and your right there are ones that can't control themselves with that being said, when my husband moves things he has to think to himself to make the physical movement and that is where he understands what he is doing. When he stole my glasses and hid them he was of right mind to know what he was doing. When he signed my name to papers, and hid them, he knew what he was doing. My point in all of this is that he makes the decisions that he does based on feelings. He's a grown man and I feel I have been clear about letting him know that we can talk and work things out but instead he chooses to play these games. He came from a bad background and I also, but that doesn't give he the excuse to abuse me or the kids. I almost lost them in 2008 because he (my husband) attacked my son in the bathtub and tried to push him under the water. My husband had control, or should have, in his actions. The only reason the kids weren't taken away is because the kids and I left the house that night. When he bully's us to get what he wants he knows in his head what it is that he is thinking of, it's no different if he walked to the car put the key in the ignition and drove away these all take a thought process that he understands what he is doing. If there are other underlying mental illnesses I'm unaware of them but when does it become his responsibility to fix his behavior problem? Why does it become my responsibility to allow him to use the excuse of poor social skills? Try living with a person with papd and then tell me how much sympathy you'd have for them after years of verbal and mental abuse for them.
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My God you are not describing someone with PAD but rather anger management not to mention other underlying mental issues. Within the realm of mental health it is not considered normal or acceptable to hold your son under water. You are describing abuse and sounds like he does things to get back at your (revenge) and maybe just enjoys making life miserable for you. Signing your name on any legal documents is against the law. In my opinion you need to get to a woman's shelter. He sounds quite sadistic invoking fear and pain. No it is not your job to make him better. Get to safe ground and seek help for you and your children. Talk to someone to figure out why you have not left him. Best of luck to you.
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Part of it is papd, he pouts when he doesn't get his way, he lies to get what he wants, he has the pour whooos me attitude and he does the other stuff to get even. I know that (it's to get even with me) but all that I have read on papd is him. That's been my point. Papd may be a learned response to dealing with feelings but it's a way that they get even with the person their angry with not a way of solving anything. I don't know if there are other mental problems (he is very narissistic); yes he needs to control his anger. CPS has been on his back like there is no tomorrow. I know why I haven't left him yet I need to get things in order. Believe me it's in the works. He needs professional help but what kind I don't know. We've been counceling for over two years. My next step is to ask the councelor to recommend group therapy for him. All of this is because after the divorce he is going to turn on the kids and I'm trying to get as much therapy in him as possible in hopes that it will minimize the c**p he's going to do to them. Unfortunately, as far as I know, a jugde isn't going to stop visitation based on him being papd, that's one of the things I'm trying to get in order. My oldest is a girl and I already see him treating her like he treats me, I'm hoping something in therapy will stick after the divorce because I know that when I'm not around he will do whatever he wants to them and I can't stop that. Some of the stuff like pouting, negative attitude, and negative words is something that is going to be hard for him to change (I've been there) but when he physically does something he has full awareness of it at that time. He knows the difference between right and wrong but chooses the wrong. That's why I don't believe this to be a disease by defintion. I appreciate the conversation we have had, believe me I'm not trying to knock the mental illness issue because unfortunately it does excist and unfortunately some people don't take it seriously.
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Last sentence before the post script should actually be:
Lastly, I will focus on combating emotions that arise within me that are dysfunctional, like getting angry for no good reason.
Lastly, I will focus on combating emotions that arise within me that are dysfunctional, like getting angry for no good reason.
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To deal with someone that suffers PAPD in a work setting has got to be the worst part. I feel I am walking on egg shells on a daily basis and showing up to work and saying hello to my co-worker is like playing Russian Roulette. I hate it!!!
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Hi to all.
I know someone with PAPD and have just recognized that this person has a problem. For almost all my life, I was always told by this person that I was the one with the problem. Does a person with PAPD always shift the blame to other people? I've always been told that I will never be good enough for anything - which has caused me to have low self esteem and anxiety. It all came to a head when this person got aggressive, verbally abusive and threatening, which make me realize that there was a problem. Do PAPD sufferers hold on to anger for a long time? My life has changed for the better as soon as I cut off my tie with this person. I still feel sad for the loss of relationship (as he is my brother).
Some of the traits that I lived through with my brother include:
-constant control by him - lack of control made him angry towards me
-found any reason to admonish me - especially if I didn't do what was asked of me by him
-always saying that he doesn't understand me - my ideas were never good enough
-he always made me feel dumb in the way he spoke to me - especially if he knew more about the subject
-sarcasm by him to the point that I stopped talking around him - snigger at what I had to say
-what I considered important was always looked on as a waste of time by him - eg movies and songs are a waste of time
-lack of respect in the way I was spoken to by him in front of people - family and friends felt embarrassed or sorry for me
I'm sure people have many stories and variations in the way that they have deal with PAPD - either as a victim or a sufferer. I run my own business, am married and am doing well. I guess my love for my brother blinded me to the fact that the problem existed. Is anyone in a similar situation to me?
I know someone with PAPD and have just recognized that this person has a problem. For almost all my life, I was always told by this person that I was the one with the problem. Does a person with PAPD always shift the blame to other people? I've always been told that I will never be good enough for anything - which has caused me to have low self esteem and anxiety. It all came to a head when this person got aggressive, verbally abusive and threatening, which make me realize that there was a problem. Do PAPD sufferers hold on to anger for a long time? My life has changed for the better as soon as I cut off my tie with this person. I still feel sad for the loss of relationship (as he is my brother).
Some of the traits that I lived through with my brother include:
-constant control by him - lack of control made him angry towards me
-found any reason to admonish me - especially if I didn't do what was asked of me by him
-always saying that he doesn't understand me - my ideas were never good enough
-he always made me feel dumb in the way he spoke to me - especially if he knew more about the subject
-sarcasm by him to the point that I stopped talking around him - snigger at what I had to say
-what I considered important was always looked on as a waste of time by him - eg movies and songs are a waste of time
-lack of respect in the way I was spoken to by him in front of people - family and friends felt embarrassed or sorry for me
I'm sure people have many stories and variations in the way that they have deal with PAPD - either as a victim or a sufferer. I run my own business, am married and am doing well. I guess my love for my brother blinded me to the fact that the problem existed. Is anyone in a similar situation to me?
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I have just realised that this is exactly what my youngest daughter does. I never realised before that there was a specific diagnosis for it. After 2 years of it, constantly, I ended up suffering with clinical depression for almost a year. I am exhausted by it, we never know what mood she is going to be in. She will never accept responsibility and acknowledge her role in any situation and the lies just seem to fall from her lips, even if the eveidence of her lies is made available she never admits it was her and never never never says sorry to anyone she has hurt. I am stunned, I had put it all down to the fact that she resented me in particular because she was ill treated by her birth mother and came to live with us at the age of 2. Teenage hormones and peer pressure. We subsequently adopted her, I have spent the last three years trying to work out where we went wrong. We have three other children who all had their teen tantrums, but nothing like this at all.
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Wow, this is picture perfect of what I've been going through with my spouse AND his entire family for many, many years. I am now at the point that it makes me sick. I never know who is coming through the door or with whom I am talking. Nothing that comes out of his mouth can be taken seriously. And, seriously, the only time he is in a good mood is when he is up to something sneaky and no-good...It's a dead giveaway that chaos is about to break loose! Believe me, been with him long enough to know his cycle of behavior and what I'm finally seeing is that I don't know what I ever saw in him. Makes me sick to know that I allowed myself to be BS'd for so long. I'm saying G'bye real soon and looking forward to giving up this life of lies, lies, lies.
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Like you, I've lived ten years with a spouse that was the perpetual victim in situation after situation. He is a complainer and conspiracy theorist, always blaming his misfortune on the attempts of others to sabotage him and his birth family. I was NEVER considered his family. Manipulation and lies plagued our "relationship," but the worst was the silence. He would not converse, plan, or give details. This purposeful lack of communication made life hell! He punished me with evil vengeance while treating his son as the wife. It was sick and I was, too, for hanging in there for ten years. Thanks for your encouragement to get outta here!
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p.d, i have nine different types including passive aggressive, life is very hard for people with p.d especially if u have many types of p.d.
passive aggressive is a chronic form of p.d, not much hope for improvement then.
passive aggressive is a chronic form of p.d, not much hope for improvement then.
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wow this describes my father and I so dead on I can't believe it. I always wondered why I was so depressed and anxious and after reading this I realize that I display and experience many of the symptoms described above. I have had panic attacks since I was a kid and chronic depression as well. Feeling a bit hopeless myself, and my father and I don't speak and he'd never admit he's passive aggressive too. nevertheless it is comforting to give my condition a name. thanks for writing this article.
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i have a 21 yr. old son ,now i i have a diagnose for his condition .pls aint there no cure ,he is so young ,his my son i cant get out of it as a mum ,he has most symptoms above ..... least advice me someone how to deal with his agresiion and abusive etc... behavior ,shall i ignore walk away or let him go on ............. please help
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Yes, after weeks of studying this personality disorder it's probably safe to say that yes I am passive-aggressive. Now I just need to convince mother to get me help, or something.
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