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I'm absolutely losing my mind. I'm a 17 year old high school student. I began noticing things about 6 months ago. The first things I noticed were loss of reading comprehension, and major loss of creativity. It became difficult to remember anything. Thoughts will come and go, but nothing stays. I constantly draw a blank. I have had serious thoughts of suicide because I feel like there's nothing left to live for. Like I'm trapped with this feeling of emptiness. I feel like something is permanently wrong and I just can NOT live the rest of my life like this. I'm looking for any help at all.

As of right now, I'm experiencing nearly a complete loss of conscious thought, 24 hours a day. I've always been a 4.0 student, but my grades are slipping. My creativity has gone OUT THE WINDOW. Ideas don't ever pop into my head like they used to. I'm not good at conversation or public speaking because I don't concentrate on what I'm saying, or what I'm going to say next. Everything I say or do is improvised on the spot.

Let me give you a bit of my history. Growing up, my mind was wild, the complete opposite of what I'm going through now. I actually suffered from insomnia because I sometimes had trouble CLEARING my mind. Now the complete opposite. I smoked marijuana a few times my freshman year, at the age of 15. To this day I have smoked less than 20-30 times, which leads me to believe this is NOT the root of the problem. I drink alcohol at parties maybe once a month. I have masturbated anywhere from 4-5 times a week, to sometimes daily for around 3 years. Not sure if this has anything to do with it, but I'm willing to put everything out there if it helps. My freshman year (when I began smoking marijuana occasionally) I also experimented with pills such as adderall, and prescription pain killers. For the 2nd semester of freshman year, I took adderall 3-4 times a week before school because I felt it boosted my performance in school. The Summer before my sophomore year I stopped taking pills, but continued to OCCASIONALLY smoke marijuana. I'm talking about once every two months. Since I've noticed the problem, I've completely quit smoking, and only drank a couple times.

I'm willing to do ANYTHING to get my mind back to the way it was. I can not and WILL not live the rest of my life like this. I can't tell my parents about this, due to the fact that it could be related to alcohol or drugs. But the fact that I VERY seldomly smoke or drink, makes me think this is not the problem.

I'm extremely scared about this problem. All I'm looking for is anything near a medical diagnosis. I need a light at the end of the tunnel. I need to know that things will get better before I take matters into my own hands. Please...

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You have symptoms of clinical depression. This is a very serious mental illness. Alcohol and drug abuse may have been contributing factors to your condition. I advise you to consult with your school psychologist for treatment alternatives.
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Thanks for the insight

The thing is, I don't consider myself depressed at all. I still go out on dates, do mischievous things on the weekend with friends, hit on girls, normal teenage stuff... I just feel dumb/mind blocked the whole time doing these things. I can hardly maintain a thought process. Multitasking is out of the question.
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Hi skippyB15!

You might want to look into what is called "Depersonalisation" and see if it resonates with what you've been struggling with.
I was diagnosed with depression for a long time before I finally got that diagnosis that "fit". I know that feeling when you think you're losing it, your mind, anything that's holding you together, keeping you functioning. It's terrifying, to put it mildly. But I learned that what was happening was that I had unwittingly build up a defense mechanism that was making everything harder rather than helping.I know it's easy to say 'don't be afraid', but with proper treatment it's possible to figure out what your body/soul is trying to tell you with that and make peace with it even if it can turn into an arduous and painful journey, it's certainely worth it.
I wish you all the best
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Coming back to add
I would strongly recommend you talk with your parents -or somebody you trust- and seek help. Drug abuse or alcohol can, in some cases, heighten what you're experiencing but are not the singular cause of it, most certainely not the moderate amounts you have described. So confide into your parents, you don't have to mention that if you don't want to. It can just help tremendously not to be alone with this, even if what depersonalization it concerned, most people can't relate. So I would also urge you to find professional help. A therapist who has experience with depersonalisation but most importantly someone you can trust!
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Thank you so much. This is just the "light at the end of the tunnel" that I think I may need. I have an annual doctor checkup coming up and I plan on breaking down and telling my doctor everything that's going on, so that he may refer me to the right therapist. Coming from a doctor, my parents should act immediately. Versus hearing me explain myself, and them not even taking me seriously... But thanks again shinuoy. I honestly feel like you may have lifted a weight off my shoulders.
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Happy to help, I know that place and it sure ain't a pretty one.
I'd also like you to know that when it comes to depersonalisation many professionals aren't even familiar with the disorder and its symptoms and people often go for years without the proper diagnosis, so I hope you have a doctor/find a therapist that knows his stuff.
And your parents ought to take you seriously on this, even without a doctor's opinion. If there's something that causes you suffering like that, it's not doing any good to try to wipe it under the rug and 'just get over it'. I would beat myself all the time with the 'there's no reason for me to be like this' broomstick and that's about the cruelest thing you can do to yourself. As much as you shouldn't panic or overidentify with a diagnosis take yourself seriously.
take care

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Don't feel alone, I have been going through the same thing. Definitely tell your parents about it.
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Depression is deffinatly a key factor, depression cause detachment and memory loss. you mentioned feeling empty, and dementia is very unlikely during teenage years.
I don't think that your drug history has very much to do with this problem but there are alot of variable factors to look at:
do you drink enough water - water is esential to your whole body and thinking and memory recall are little elctric messages and there needs to be lots of fluid to beable to conduct a good electric charge.
Does your brain get enough blood flow - try hanging upside down for about fifteen minutes and then reading, it might help and it will tell you if that has something to do with it
Do you have a nutricious diet - stay away from black burnt food, it causes alziemers. eat lots of vegitables and stay away from the deadly nightshade family.
Have there been any significant changes in your social or spiritual life - socializing is very important to the psyche and it seems like that could be where your problem is stemming from. if so a therapist can help, but make sure it is someone who you feel connected with, if you don't connect well with somebody they won't be able to help with mental detachment.
Does it feel a bit like your on auto-pilot - I know what this is like, like there is no motivatin and no driving passion or force to do anything. the best thing for me is to find things you like, think critically, and keep moving. It might be hard at first but you probably want to keep active. Do tasks that don't take alot of concentration so that you don't start to blank out. Cleaning, cooking, drawing, journaling, running or anytype of thing that will keep you busy will lift your spirits.
Your brain is a muscle, excersise it - there are lots of puzzle book that you can buy the Menza ones are great or just find them on the internet. these will both give you an idea of how you problem solve and give your mind something to work on. The brain love to do math so maybe for fifteen minutes a day give yourself some math problems to do, simple addition is enough but your brain feeds on problem solving, so give it something to solve.
Find somthing that engages you - this can be anything you like but you may not know what it is yet. sometimes people experience some feelings of boredom and mental dysfunction when they don't have things or people they love. as soon as you find things that you like you will wake up and feel alive.
dream - pay attention to your dreams, and if you seldom remember them write the ones that you do remember down in order to rememeber more, or create them by daydreaming and creating scenarios in your head. dreaming is your minds way of working out problems that it can't solve conciously. they are very important to well being. meditation is a great way to induce dream state and could help with all of your listed symptoms.
when you start to feel withdrawn from life or like you are observing from the otherside of glass, like your not really there, like your dreaming then you may just need to wake up. Don't over sleep. Don't let yourself be bored. and remember, this is just a phase, when you come out of this the world will be ful of color and you will be happier than before. I doubt there is a serious problem with your physical brain, but there may be a problem with your love of life.
if you have any questions


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another thing you can do is try and see how much raw brocoli you can eat without your stomach hurting, if only a little bit you may have a thyroid problem. this can be very serious so talk to a doctor if you can only eat a few peices.
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skippyB15, I was just wondering if you still check this thread.

I've been experiencing something similar to what you discussed, so I was wondering how things have been going for you and what you've done.

Thanks.
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Hi my names Isaiah and i have been going through exactly what your going through if not worse.. Not being able to focus on a single thought. My mind is stuck in a constant blank mood. One sec i have all these thoughts running through my head then the next complete silence. I was wondering how you been doing any progress? Please help
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Yeah i just want to put a short reply in while their has been some action lately. I will hopefully have more to say later but right now I want to say that I have at least bipolar 1 but i don't think that is my main problem which is I don't think enough. I would say I really can't daydream. I was diagnosed with biplolar when 19, now i'm 36 and on disability. I just want to say my complaint of not being able to think was never taken seriously. The only time I feel that my brain has adequate number of thoughts is if i become manic. Anyways i know its hard if you're like me and you cant think very much, I can't tell you how hard it is when I'm severely depressed and on top of it i can't think. It is pure hell. Has anyone here who has this complaint ever been taken seriously?
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i think you hit the jackpot with the Depersonalization answer, witch i looked up on wikipedia. the same thing is happening to me. i am 16. it is ike living in a nightmare in witch my phyci is being ripped apart and destroyed. if this is a purely phycological problem, as aposed to a suppernatural matrix style circumstance witch i origionally thought, then for me it is due to prolonged stress and unreconcilable rage that has driven me insane.

unfortunatly, i don't think that any phyciatrists/phycologists in this time (that you are likly to find) are advanced enough or morally good enough to help you. so i don't really see a way out. I think that mabey someone or something has doen something to you or acted to you in a way that you cannot come to terms with.and this was so un-understandable and stressfull/exasperating that you just couldn't/wouldn't take it, so your life as you knew it or wanted it do be was destroyed, and you are now enrolled in a destructive cycle of guilt, rage, and anxiety that you are unable to/refuse to reconcile. so your loosing you mind in a kind of dementur like fashion.

if that is'nt the case with you, then i dont see an explanation, other than my matrix suspitions
if your still aliveor if anyone finds the thread who's interested
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I hope things are working out for you. I had the same experience after taking several types of medications and now I am on Adderall 20 mg XR once each morning AS PRESCRIBED :D That worked for me. But that's me. Everyone is different.



This website is a great place for people to reach out. No one is alone. There are always dozens if not hundreds or thousands of other people going through similar experiences. This is a great place for people to encourage each other. I wish I knew about this a long time ago.



Please let us know if you ever come back to this website.
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