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hi, never done this before so here goes...

I walked past this girl everyday on my way to work and she was gorgeous, but I never had the confidence to do anything about it. One day whilst out clubbing this girl comes to me and says I'm amazing and she tries get my attention everyday but I never respond. At tHat point I take her name number and never look back. The next few months are incredible. I've been with several girls but this is the first time I've felt true love. And she told me she loved about 6 weeks into our relationship. She feels its fate and were meant to be together. My family adore her, her family adores me, it's the most perfect thing ever. Her mum says she has never seen her daughter so happy,and my girlfriend makes me feel the most important person on the planet. The perfect romance...nice back story, falling for each other like that and declaring our love to each other in record time because its feels right. We even joke about rings on fingers and babies. She tells me everyone is talking about how happy she is.

At this point she also tells me she thinks she might be bipolar. I dismiss it, as she's never been checked out and thinking that can't be the case. Things keep ticking on perfectly. This is the real deal. She does regularly say she doesn't understand why I am with her as I could do so much better. I reassure her she's perfect and everything I ever want.

We get to Xmas and things still going amazingly. She even gives me a card saying she wants to spend many more xmases with me. On Xmas eve we were supposed to go to the pub to meet my friends but I decide we should stay in. I don't tell her why, but its because this is the first Xmas in my life that I've had a girl I've loved, And it's in my new house I had just bought. I just want to cherish a special evening with her.  Xmas day we spend together, before going off to our families. I tell her we should miss seeing each other boxing day due to me having a few things on and work the next day, so I feel be best to see her the next day after work. 

On the 27th she comes round, and she does seem a bit down, but again think nothing of it. We spend a few days together, before on the 29th I go on a lads pub crawl. I go round hers on the Sunday and she's very cold...doesn't seem to happy to see me. She comes round we spend it together. We had discussed about going out NYE, but none of my friends are doing anything so I invite my 2 closest friends round to watch a film with me and my girlfriend. Tonight she is really quiet. Next few days tick over, she's not happy. The following weekend her mum tells me she's been crying at work and she's taken her to see the doctor about having depression. Her mum reassures me she's happy with me, but she's always suspected she has depression. 

Come the Monday out of the blue she suddenly says she's not happy and we need space. I'm in shock, how could this happen? 2 weeks ago shes saying she wants more Xmas' with me and now this? Knowing she's going to the doctors this week I negotiate her into staying with me lets take our time, we shouldn't throw our amazing time together. She goes to the doctors and its confirmed she has severe depression. I try and get her to see me and she doesn't want to. I text her mum and let her know I've wont ever give up on her daughter. She appreciates and tells me my girlfriend felt unwanted over Xmas but some of the things I did. My girlfriend confirms this. Her mum thinks we just need to talk it through. I'm happy to, but m girlfriend doesn't want to see me. She has just started medication for the depression, and says shes feeling normal again, but its me she has doubts about. By the end of the week I've convinced her to see me. We go out on the Sunday and have a great day. She seems her old self. I end up staying round hers as we get snowed in. I think we're back on track. 

At this point I would like to tell you that this week now about to start is the 5th anniversary of her baby brother dying. When this happened her mum really struggled and my girlfriend, then 16 becomes a mum figure to her little sister and brother. I can't imagine how that feels. Through this time I give her space and she thinks I forgot that it was the anniversary. I reassured her I hadn't and was giving her and the family space during an Important time to them. That weekend the family has a party to remember her brother. I come along, family is as great as ever. But my girlfriend she is distant. I can see I'm making her uncomfortable. Next day all the family go out bowling, I feel like one of the family, but my girlfriend doesn't want to be there. She told me earlier in the week she didn't want to be there, and used me as an excuse to try get out of it. I leave her that evening thinking this maybe it. She isn't happy.

The next day my worst fears are confirmed. Her heart isn't in it. She wants to separate. I'm heartbroken. I speak to her mums few days later out of courtesy to thank her for making me feel so welcome in the family. Her mum tells me she's gutted and doesn't understand why it went wrong. Her mum might I add also suffers from depression and is on medication. She insists all we need to do is try talk. I tell her I'm happy to, but its her daughter who doesn't want to. I try allude to the fact I think it's the depression that's done this. She says she has always had it, so it's not the depression, it's the fact my now ex girlfriend felt unwanted and we just need to sort it.

My girlfriend then texts me to tell me she thinks we're completely different people and it can't work. Again this is till shocking coming from her mouth as a month before I'm the best thing ever. I tell her mum this, and she's surprised by this. She thought me and her were perfect for each other.

So here we are. We're no longer together and I'm heartbroken and confused. And I really don't know what to do. Honestly I feel like we have split because of the depression. I feel like the unwanted aspect she felt over Xmas mutated in her mind and manipulated her and kick started a lull. I suddenly then realise that actually was her feeling off overwhelming love in our relationship up Until Xmas was just bipolar to. Was that love or just the bipolar talking, getting carried away? I've tried telling her until I'm blue in the face that's she the most important thing in my life but she doesn't want to listen. To make it worse, she doesn't talk to me, we merely text. She wants me to get on with my life.

I don't know what I expect from writing this. I love this girl more this anything and began to make plans for her to come live with me and eventually propose to her. It was only 4 months together, the best 4 months ever. Maybe I'm looking for reassurance that this sounds like a typical bipolar case. I don't feel her family is taking her illness serious enough, and they are expecting the medication to sort it and she will be back to normal. Of course, all my whining is from someone who hasn't had depression and has been dumped, trying to cling on to any hope. I don't want to give up on her, but I feel this is the end. I don't want anyone else, I just want my girlfriend. But I think her mind is made up. I've let her know this is the most heartbreaking and confusing thing for me ever. I'm hoping her mum will monitor her and if she shows any signs of missing me, the she will let me now. But do I really want to spend my life with a girl like this. A girl who I would do anything for. But ultimately a girl who could just do this again.

Thanks for reading, please comment if you feel you have any advise. Maybe I'm hiding from the fact she just doesn't want be with me. But I honestly feel like the whole thing has been an experience with bipolar. This girl loved me a month ago and now this. I should move on with my life, but right now that seems impossible. I blame myself for Xmas period stuff because I could have made more effort for her over Xmas. I told her I feel like I took her for granted, which on reflection I did.  I just wish I could have her back :( 

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Hey, this does sound like the idyllic relationship at the start, the truth is all guys fall in love, we are all left heartbroken at some points in our lives and for a good 2 months we spend groveling around wondering what the hell has happened and why did something so amazing break down. I was in a relationship for 3 years until about 3 months ago the way you both met sounds incredibly similar to how i met my ex. The truth is sometimes girls fall in love easy and sometimes fall out of love easy, i found in my life that allot of girls are more in love with the idea of love than the person, something us guys fail to see as we rarely let out or sensitive side be shown, and when a girl gets this from us she can hurt us like no one else in the world. You sound like an honestly amazing and genuinely good guy , you care about her even though the reason she's given you does not justify or explain anything i can only voice my opinion and id look at it from another approach and just see if she's having second thoughts, as bad as it is to not believe her, its hard to understand why she'd end it without a good explanation, bare in mind i could be completely wrong, girls aren't these innocent lovable loyal companions in the past many now are what can only really be explained as s**ts, there are the few odd couple which truly respect there selves however these are very few. If i were you i'd ask her i dont mind what ever it is just tell me whats happened, but don't be shocked by an answer, Remember your not the only one this happens to and every lad can relate to being heartbroken i swear to you tho, you will recover and find happiness again! Hope your alright pal remember plenty more fish in the sea, in the meantime, 'hud rats' as quoted from forty year old virgin, let them take your mind off this one. 

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Hi Thanks for your response. I agree there are plenty more fish in the sea, as a 25 year old i have been knocked back many times, but this one just hurts more than the others. Its more of the timing...one weeks its perfect, the next I do somethings and it causes her to fall out of love and not want to even speak to me. In usual circumstances I agree...I do tend to see the worst in people, and would assume theres usually another guy. But in this instance, she comes from a very tight nit family, she admitted she has no sexual drive unless I instigate it, and she hasnt seemed by nature ot be promiscious. Of course I could be wrong, but doesnt seem in line with her charachter. I am not an expert on this, but she has had depression ever since I met her. And the more i talk to people, the more it makes sense in my mind. Her whole life she has suffered from extreme low confidence. When she was young she was abandonded by her father. A few years ago she lost her baby brother. She nevers talk to people about how she feels. I think she wears a mask most of the time, telling the world she's ok, when inside she's crying. She's so good at it, that everyone thinks this is her. Even her mum. Throughout the relationship, abandonment was a recurring theme - she always said it would be me who would walk away from her. Created an extra pressure I guess on me to never let her down, but without me fully undertstanding how her mind operates. As she has only been recently diagnosed with severe depression, she has began medication, but no steps towards counselling or therapy. I see charachteristics of severe depression, bipolar, and also borderline personality disorder. (not for a second am I trying to diagnose her at all). But all these things blur over each other, and i fully expect if she starts therapy this will begin to unravel. At the end of the day, I think she got carried away with the love thing. When things were good, they were great in her mind, and she loved me more than anything. When over Xmas she felt unwanted, this caused her to swing the other way, an ddecide she wants nothing to do with me. Its the black and white mentality that exists that makes me think there is an underlying problem with BPD and Bipolar. Hence why her parents are shocked at her decision to just split up with me and not make an effort and decide we are too different - because they havent looked deep enough. Like I said if I had a day chart for over 10 days, it went from spend the rest of my life with you, to i want to break up. I myself got carried away. I believed she was in love and I recpipricated as I had never felt anything like that before. By no means my first love, but the most meaningful to me. In my mind it still hurts, potentially because I am angry I let my guard down, and also because the way she has treated me. And every bit of me wants to put under pressure to come back, but I dont think she will, and even if I did, the rest of my life would be turbulent I guess. I am a capricorn after all, apparently we like the easier life. Of course maybe I looked way to into this. Maybe she was unhappy and was just looking for a way out, but didnt know how to do it. Maybe she is banging someone else. Or wants to. Maybe I am naive, and the girl I thought I knew is in fact someone else. But it does just seem to be against her charachter and whats engrained in her. it still really hurts and will for some time. I expect she may come back, or she may move onto another guy and have a similar relationship. The key thing is I need to be there for her if she needs me, or other wise get on with my life.

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Hi, I don't have depression, but I became very down and doubted my relationship with my boyfriend as I didn't feel good enough for him. The days that were god were really good but if ever we argued j would think god it's over. I'd be like I'm dumping him to my mum as I couldn't deal with the heart ache. When things go wrong I can't see light at the end of the tunnel! My boyfriend says I'm a very negative person and when he says he wants to be with me I never believe him! I worry he is going to leave me all the time and because he's had so many girlfriends I just feel like another number! J would keep asking her, so she feels wanted. My boyfriend always says if I dump him there's no going back! Maybe she feels this if you said this and if she didn't want to be with you then why is it so difficult for her to talk to you
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Sounds like. Me. N. Her x cept she always say I'm gonna throw her away. N she cheat d. But if u have a strong mind n love her tell her parents how u feel n let them and her know u care n will be wait n to comfort her in any time of need. N just continue urgently life n let her make her own choice.. or if her mom see s her slipping away ma may call on u to cheer her up. Maybe she 'll set her up on a blind date they all go to a restraining. N surprise there u r to cheer her up. But do. Not beat yourself up over it ..k..
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