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I feel sick whenever I talk to my girlfriend. Just a little background check before we begin, we've been together for about 16 months now. it's not a long relationship but we have been through a lot. At around the 14th month mark, we broke up for almost a month and came back together. This is due to me moving to my home country to work for a couple of months on a contract. * (* to be elaborated further) Please do note that this will be a lengthy post and I do apologize before hand. I do not know the exact nature of the seriousness of the community so excuse my ignorance but please, I need serious advice. --- I do love my girlfriend. I have not cheated and I am clean but there has been a serious problem that has been bothering me for the longest time. Whenever she talks to me about her family or topics that might cause even minor arguments or disagreement, I feel extremely nauseous. I feel sick, cold feet and hands, I want to vomit and I lose my appetite for days on. Now as much as this may sound normal for any couple that have relationship troubles or issues, mine is a bit different. At first, the nausea and all the problems were minor. I could effectively ignore them and go on with my work and things but as time passed on, even just regular conversations causes me dread and all the symptoms mentioned above. Almost an hour before I typed this, we just had a conversation which turned into an minor argument. Even as I type this, I still feel sick. I can't even drink water. When she broke up with me, I felt extremely healthy and happy for some reason. As bad and cruel as it may sound, I was genuinely feeling good. I got my appetite back to normal and I didn't need my medicine anymore. I was in the hospital and she messaged me about breaking up and it ended like that. She "jokingly" broke up with me over 4 times and each time I was absolutely devastated but this time, I was actually calm. More of dull to be precise. There was no tears, no sadness, and no emotion. Just silence. Almost 2 weeks later, she came back to me and said she wanted us to be back together again. At first I denied but as time passed on and the more her tears started to get into me, I thought, "let's give her one last chance. I'm healthy and happy now. what's the worst that could go wrong." Now, I'm going back to being sick. I only told my closest friend and she tells me that if I can't break up with her, I should to a psychiatrist to see what's really wrong. I'm sure that it's all in my head. That the reason why I keep feeling this way is because I keep thinking of it but as much as I try to think of something else to distract myself, it just never works. I used to use my job as a distraction but even now, it doesn't work. I want to go see a psychiatrist and I'm willing to pay but here in Korea, the psychiatrists rarely speak English and if they do, they are 5 to 7 hours away from me. In the end of every argument that we have, she just either cries or says she's sorry. To be honest, I'm tired of her sorry's and tears to make me guilty. I trust my girlfriend even though she's far away in another country but she doesn't trust me. I can't blame her because naturally, people assume men cheat. I am loyal but there are times I start to doubt our relationship because of how doubtful she is of basically everything. She keeps testing me with these, which I find sick, jokes that someone kissed her and what will I do and has gone as far as to say that someone has raped her. I'm tired and have been for a long time. Please don't confuse this with losing my love for her. I do want us to succeed but there are times when I think what if. I used to be severely depressed before I met my current girlfriend. My ex girlfriend, whom I met during my depression, abused my psychological state severely leaving me with an even deeper sense of mistrust in people. Due to this, the more my girlfriend does joke about something, I lose whatever little hope I have left in me. I only cling to what little is left of what used to be my emotions. (* from the first paragraph, when I arrived here in Korea, I had no way of communicating with her and the bothered my girlfriend extremely. Wifi is now sparse in this country and a lot of people communicate with free 3/4g. I now do have a cellular phone with 4g which allows me to communicate wherever I am.) Thank you for taking your time to read my stupidly long rant. I just had no way of letting out what little had left to tell. Cheers, R.

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Oh wow, I'm terribly sorry. I formatted the post originally but after uploading, it just went to a full block of text. IM SORRY! Typed from my cell phone you see
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if do u love you're girlfriend so u have to take every step with her that's how it is you're gonna be ok don't worry just get marry with her
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