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I've been a chronic weed user for the past 2 years. Smoking a gram or more a day by myself. I had developed a pretty bad ice addiction about 2 years ago which lasted about 8 months of daily use then after alot of things started going wrong in my life my family had an intevention for me. I got off ice and stayed clean off all drugs for a couple of months then found weed and became more and more dependent on it.
I had a gf for 2 years who helped me get off ice but we brokE up recently and in all honesty I haven't taken it to well. I'm currently doing a lanouring job which I'm only doing because of the money but I absolutely loathe being there. I always had such high hopes for myself and was quite a switched on kid. But after I was at uni for only a few months I became addicted to ice and dropped out.
I started smoking ice again (bout once a week) about 6 months ago and began to come down really hard off it and get really really depressed.
For the past 3 weeks I've been clean of both weed and ice but my depression I think has got
steadily worse. I had my best friend turn on me because I told him I didn't wanna be around drugs anymore. My girlfriend leave me to pretty much hang out with be friends who do drugs because I don't want to go out and be tempted anymore. The majority of my other friends either live to far (no license=drink driving) or have girlfriends themselves which makes it very difficult to get in touch with them.
I've been spending a lot of time at home and have come to realize that me and my family have grown apart over my drug using period. This really saddens me. I can really only imagine the pain that put my mother and father through. No parent wants to see there once young promising innocent son turn into what I am. I know I've made my mum cry during this period. My dad although a tough exterior, I could tell was in tremendous pain during the intevention. My sister had severe depression through a year of my using and I only found out this week because before this I was too selfish to ask how she was and if anything was wrong.
It's almost as if the last week has just been realization after realization. And every thing I realize is another reason why I'm such A bad person. I don't see myself with much of a future. I'm lonely. And I'm afraid given the situation I would go back to either kne of my drugs. If I do I'm scared of whAt I may do.
I'm trying to better myself by applying for university to do a teaching a
coarse but I feel as if my brain is fried and I'll just be wasting my time there. I feel like ive lost a large proportion of my vocabulary since I've been using and think I'll reAlly struggle.
I'm sorry if it turned into a bit of a rant/ whiney story in the end but I reAlly had to let thAt out and hopefully hear some advice of kind words from you people? Is my depression due to withdrawals from both drugs? Am I ever going to stop feeling like thIs? Will I make amends with my family? How? Am I the screw up I always thought inwas but used lies and denial to hide it fro
other people? Should I see my doctor? Am I going crazy? Can I go on? I'm really scared of my future.
Thanks for listening

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Hi Doozy! first and foremost....BE PROUD OF YOURSELF! Be proud that you are now clean and off both drugs! Be proud that you made it through something that so many never do. Be proud of the family you have who has stuck by you through this trying time. They are there for you and just the fact that they had an intervention with you, proves that they are there through thick and thin. It is never too late to bring your family back and to feel like you have a "relationship" with them. They love you, obviously.

Secondly, you are doing the absolute best thing you can do for yourself by extracting yourself from those peers/friends that still do the drugs. You have to do this for you, not them...and if they aren't willing to stick it through with you during this, they were never true friends to begin with. They seem like, what I like to call, "convenient" friends. They are only around when it is convenient for them or when it is the best option at that time, and would blow you off for anything that sounded or looked better (including drugs). They are not true friends.

I think it is great that you have a job, and as much as you hate it, you have to keep it. You need to keep your mind and body as busy as possible during this. As far as the depression, absolutely it is because of the witdrawels! Three weeks is amazing though and if you've made it this far, you can keep going.

Share with your family the guilt you have and the love you have for them for sticking by you. Build a relationship with your sister again....its seems like both you and her could use it. Who knows, she could end up your new bestfriend!

And don't ever think you are not smart enough to go back to school! Anyone can do it...I know! Just because you are not top of the class doesn't make you a failure....you are a winner in my eyes just for persuing your dreams! Going to school could really help you make new drug-free friends and set you onto a new path in life. Tell your mom and dad that you want to go to school and I am sure they will do anything to help you. You sound pretty damn smart to me....so I doubt your brain is "fried" from the drugs. You would be surprise how much our bodies/brains can take. Start slowly...just take a couple of classes and move up from there!

You know what you want...now you need to go for it. You can do this and don't ever think you can't.

Also, I was wondering...there are a lot of sites for drug withdrawels and addiction and for you to talk to people who are actually going through it. Have you tried to talk on any of those?

I would like to hear back from you...and believe me, there are tons of people on here that can give you some much needed support :-)
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