I have had two abortions and am currently pregnant

I know people will judge...but I need advice.....I am 34.  I have had two abortions and am currently pregnant.  Let me plea my case first....I was in a horrible 10 year relationship...gave up my career for him and he was cheating...i got pregnant and he left..i was DEVESTATED.  The doctor could not find a heart beat or tissue...so i went for DC, but then there was one.  I had two specialist consult with and they both agreed that something was not right, but it was still my decision.  I was 30 at the time.  I have always wanted to be wife and mother.  I decieded to abort.  IT was so hard..i morned for several years.  Fast forward to 33 going on 34.  I met someone...thought he was the one...got pregnant. I was so taken by him, he begged for the abortion telling me that i he wanted to spend time and have a relationship before having kids. I cried every day for months after, he never spoke to me again from the day i terminated.  The 9 months leading to now...my friend (who is married) and probably kept me alive through both abortions stopped by to confort me.  One thing let to another and it happened.  I was on the pill.  I am shocked..i have 6 weeks today, i found out today.  I love him...as a friend, i do not wish to be with him.  He said he would support anyhthing i choose but he of course  wants me to terminate. 

Have i mentioned that i am a two time cerivcal cancer surviver.  ALso with my second pregnancy, i had only 6 months previous had half my cervix removed...there was concern of being able to carry a baby to full term (which weighted heavily on my decision).  Now i am about to turn 35...no man in sight.  I am embarressed that i am even in this situation and i dont know what to do.  I am disgusted with myself for allowing it to happen...I am older, and well educated (working on a doctorate).  I have a good job.  But I am just so ashamed.  I have always wanted children, but with htat has always been a husband.  I have shame over my other abortions, and cant beleve i am contemplating a third. 

Will i ever have the marriage thing?  Should i just count my blessing for this baby no matter how he came into the world?  Or should i wait for my prince charming than have the children?  I am no fool, i understand the scarifices of motherhood, but i have traveled the world, had two very fulling careers, educations.....but what do i tell my child when they want to know who their dad is?

Please help...