i have been masturbating for many years now......now i am around 19,and i am a male.......i have made several attempts to stop this habit, but i always went back. during the days when i was not masturbating i felt better in the sense i was able to socialize well with people....i enjoyed my life.....i was happy.......but whenever i masturbate again for a few days......i feel dejected......i am not able to move around with people well.....life seems a burden.......i see no point in living.....i don't want to live anymore.......
u know during the days when i am not masturbating i am a bit attracted to(or i don't know the right word) girls. how to put it.....say when a beautiful girl passes by i want to look at her.........but during the days when i am masturbating this is not so i don't feel the same way..........a beautiful girl passes by its no deal for me.......its none of my concern...............so u see there are 2 kinds of feelings 2kinds of me.......when i do and when i don't masturbate......why is this.......the way i feel about things is it just a matter of whether i have semen or not. i mean whether i have not masturbated or not.........if this is so then what am i.........what am i when i cant control the way i feel about things.......who is the real me when i am dejected(ie. when i mastur..) my other self that i was(when i dint mastur..) seems funny and childish on the contrary my dejected self seems pathetic to my happy self..............which i real......am i some kind of thing whose feelings just depend upon some biological fluid (semen) is my life soo very manuplative...........if so then what is the use of my life.....i mean then i am no different from some animal.......which is born and lives just for the sake of spreading its species.........just for the species to survive........this whole attraction towards a girl thing is just for the survival of the species just like any other species......then what am i some kind of creature.....just these thoughts frustrate me...........then all the things we do education.......job.........an all these things just mere illutions we created to differentiate ourselves from the other species........to make ourselves feel special....to make ourselves feel that we are actually doing something......then what is the point of living and doing all this..........why should i live..........i am confused.......irritated by these thoughts........u see this i am writing from my dejected state i mean i have been masturbating for a couple of days now...........i think i will feel otherwise once again i stop masturbating.......but i think the cycle will continue.............i just want to break this cycle........and always remain in that happy state........and it does not mean i should never feel bad........if fact i do sometimes feel sad,angry,irritated... in my happy state......but i don't feel the way i do now........i just don't like this....i feel like i'm going mad.........i think u understand...........i need help...............plzzzzzzzzzz......................
u know during the days when i am not masturbating i am a bit attracted to(or i don't know the right word) girls. how to put it.....say when a beautiful girl passes by i want to look at her.........but during the days when i am masturbating this is not so i don't feel the same way..........a beautiful girl passes by its no deal for me.......its none of my concern...............so u see there are 2 kinds of feelings 2kinds of me.......when i do and when i don't masturbate......why is this.......the way i feel about things is it just a matter of whether i have semen or not. i mean whether i have not masturbated or not.........if this is so then what am i.........what am i when i cant control the way i feel about things.......who is the real me when i am dejected(ie. when i mastur..) my other self that i was(when i dint mastur..) seems funny and childish on the contrary my dejected self seems pathetic to my happy self..............which i real......am i some kind of thing whose feelings just depend upon some biological fluid (semen) is my life soo very manuplative...........if so then what is the use of my life.....i mean then i am no different from some animal.......which is born and lives just for the sake of spreading its species.........just for the species to survive........this whole attraction towards a girl thing is just for the survival of the species just like any other species......then what am i some kind of creature.....just these thoughts frustrate me...........then all the things we do education.......job.........an all these things just mere illutions we created to differentiate ourselves from the other species........to make ourselves feel special....to make ourselves feel that we are actually doing something......then what is the point of living and doing all this..........why should i live..........i am confused.......irritated by these thoughts........u see this i am writing from my dejected state i mean i have been masturbating for a couple of days now...........i think i will feel otherwise once again i stop masturbating.......but i think the cycle will continue.............i just want to break this cycle........and always remain in that happy state........and it does not mean i should never feel bad........if fact i do sometimes feel sad,angry,irritated... in my happy state......but i don't feel the way i do now........i just don't like this....i feel like i'm going mad.........i think u understand...........i need help...............plzzzzzzzzzz......................
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