Hi, I have a problem. Whenever my mother wants me to do something like go to piano classes or to take a dress she says is the best, I do as she wishes. After that, I feel bad, because as I try to please her, I hurt myself. And this is endless cycle for me. What to do?
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Hi, there are many women out there doing the same thing as you are, pushing away their feelings to please someone else, and in the end they suffer. These women spend much of their mental energy stuffing their feelings down, that they don’t even know they have them. They spend their life pleasing others, because they are actually seeking the approval of everyone but themselves.If you say “yes” whenever you are supposed to say yes, even if you would rather say “no”, you have more hurt feelings. It would be better if you could give yourself permission to feel angry and find the courage to say “no” when you mean it, without fear of losing the love of others.
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If she loves you she will understand that you are an adult and are your own person. I had to finally tell everyone no and it was lifting, I had been the babysitter at family functions for years. Never got to have fun and sit and chat with the adults even though I was one ...was always told by my mom to go sit with the kids so everyone else could join in the fun. Needless to say everyone was shocked one day when on a visit home, my mom tried this on me again ( I wasn't even living there anymore!) And I shakily looked my mother dead in the eye and told her, I am an adult and these are not my kids even though I love them very much they have fathers and mothers to care for them. I am here for a visit not as a babysitter. After that I was never told again to go watch the kids. And yes we all still love each other.
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How old are you?
If you're a teenager or younger, then do what your mother tells you to do. Discuss your feelings with her, but obey her.
If you're an adult, then it's time to sit down with Mom and have a talk. She needs to know that you have your own opinions, feelings, tastes and desires. Service to others is a GOOD thing. Hurting yourself through serving them is NOT a good thing. I hope this helps!
If you're a teenager or younger, then do what your mother tells you to do. Discuss your feelings with her, but obey her.
If you're an adult, then it's time to sit down with Mom and have a talk. She needs to know that you have your own opinions, feelings, tastes and desires. Service to others is a GOOD thing. Hurting yourself through serving them is NOT a good thing. I hope this helps!
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