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Hi, my father is 84 years old and he lives with me and my family. He can barely walk and he often needs to be fed. Is there anyone else taking care of elderly parents?

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Hi, I live with my mother who is 78. She is in the wheelchair most of the time. She is not completely incompetent to walk, but she saves the strength for going to the bathroom and similar occasions. I often have to help her shower, wash her hair and similar stuff. However, nothing is hard when I think of all those years that she did the same things to me. I am taking care of her like she took care of me when I was a kid. I don’t have my own family, so I don’t have anything to lose by spending time here, with my mother. She is always telling me to stop warring so much and to live my own life, but I don’t want her to be alone. It is so sad when old people are alone, with no one to talk to and to take care of them.
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[My mother is 85, my dad died 3 years ago, the woman doesn't drive, freakin healthy as a bull, she is way too needy for me, I can't stand it, she gets on my nerves, I would like to move away and let someone else deal with this, it sucks
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%-) I'm hoping u are still checking the posts - I just saw it tonight and would love the opportunity to speak with other people in the same situations. My parents are 86 (dad) and 73 (mom) - Physically my dad is MUCH healthier than my mom - even tho he's much older. Also my mom is Bi-Polar. We are also raising my 7 yr old grandson since birth - so I get it at both ends. We have recently changed our living arrangements - we now live on same property in different houses - but soon - either we move in w/ them - or them w/ us i think. I love my parents more than anything - but this situation is not fun at all - I'm the only child living - so no one else to help. I've had to play serious parent for some time now - took away their car, their checkbook, their medications, and now I've had to hide the sweets until they've eaten their meals - AND I had to put a 'lockbox' on their a/c/heat thermostat. I feel terrible - but have no clue as what else to do.

I would love to hear from anyone out there dealing with similar or same issues: my email is: _[removed]_ :-) ?
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My mom is 82. She lives with me and my sister, and I am finding that
she needs us more and more. Naturally with aging she's getting more and more health issues. I get so worried when she goes to the hospital, and am so happy when she recovers. That's when you reallly get tested. When you dont' know what's gonna happen, and then they get better. That is when you appreciate them. The good part is that my mother had
7 daughters, so i do have siblings thank goodnes, who share some of the burden and care.
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to the person who said that their mother got on their nerves, you are a jerk. I hope one day that you are in the same condition that your mother is and your family treats you like you treat her. The old saying what goes around comes around. I am taking care of my mother and she has to have help with everything but i am glad just to have her here with me... So you need to shut up about taking care of her.
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My mother was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer last week, the physician said she has 6 to 12 months at best. He also said she does not need anything for pain since lung cancer is really not painfull!!! Well i got her records and went back to her primary physician, and he prescibed liquid morphine.Not so concerned with her becoming a junky, i just want her to be comforatable.I am the only child left alive and it's my job to see that she dies with dignity and as pain free as posible with good quality of life.The medical complex with which we live with everyday is sometimes stupid and careless, and it floors me that anybody would stand and watch your loved one suffer without going the extra mile to get what they need.This doctor which he found me a bother to him so i got in his face and expressed my dissatisfaction for his m***n diagnoses of who suffers and who doesn't.
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no, she is not a jerk. you think all parents were great - you think they always put their children first and took care of them? My parents were terrible and self-absorbed. I have never been close to my father and do not love him. However, he is elderly and in ill health and I refuse to let him rot somewhere. it would be much easier if he had been a good father and had not been so selfish all of his life. now, I am a frickin SAINT to go the extra mile to make sure he is safe, warm and fed in our house even though I certainly wish to god that the situation were different. myself, I would rather die in a cave then be this kind of burden to any of my children during the time they will be trying to raise their own family....and I'm a GREAT mom to my kids. you are right though - you reap what you sow. Lousy treatment of your kids during their childhood will get you a little less emotional warmth in your old age.
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%-) I think people who answer questions and not know what they are talking about are WRONG.... My grandmother is the most B*****ist person in the world, she lies about us, destroys our belongings and blames it on the animals when the animals are outside ALL day. SHe cast spells on us...what would you think if you walked into her room and saw black candles around your photograph?? She lies to her doctor and expects us to take her everyday to him being a Damn Hypochondriac, she kicked my parents out of their home when I was newborn. Should I keep going??
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I think that the truth lies somewhere in the middle between the joy of taking care of someone's parents and the nightmare of it. Yes, it can be difficult dealing with your elderly parents and sometimes they have become senile or are abusive, but other times you get to spend a wonderful time getting to know them in their twilight years. I think it's important to realize that there's both going to be good and bad experiences.
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Guest wrote:

Guest wrote:

to the person who said that their mother got on their nerves, you are a jerk. I hope one day that you are in the same condition that your mother is and your family treats you like you treat her. The old saying what goes around comes around. I am taking care of my mother and she has to have help with everything but i am glad just to have her here with me... So you need to shut up about taking care of her.



no, she is not a jerk. you think all parents were great - you think they always put their children first and took care of them? My parents were terrible and self-absorbed. I have never been close to my father and do not love him. However, he is elderly and in ill health and I refuse to let him rot somewhere. it would be much easier if he had been a good father and had not been so selfish all of his life. now, I am a frickin SAINT to go the extra mile to make sure he is safe, warm and fed in our house even though I certainly wish to god that the situation were different. myself, I would rather die in a cave then be this kind of burden to any of my children during the time they will be trying to raise their own family....and I'm a GREAT mom to my kids. you are right though - you reap what you sow. Lousy treatment of your kids during their childhood will get you a little less emotional warmth in your old age.



I agree with every single word just above. It is just me and my mom now. My only sibling is gone, my father is gone, my husband is gone, three incredibly wonderful sons grown and have their own lives. Mom is 90, the last of her (six) siblings passed on this year. There is absolutely no one else to care for her. She is healthy, also completely self-absorbed and the single most judgmental, critical and demanding human being I have ever known. Passive-aggressiveness over the top. I have never liked her and feel exactly as the poster just above. I am a SAINT as well for taking care of her every need and wish. She lives in a lovely little apartment over my garage. I recently retired after 45 years of working. Since I am a widow I was looking forward to pretty much doing all the things I have been saving up to do when I retired. Nope. Can't leave the house after dark. Can't take a trip to see my grandchildren in a distant state. My husband and I were fantastic parents to our sons and I too would rather die in a cave than be like this woman. I am on "house arrest" for the foreseeable future. "Lousy treatment of your kids during their childhood will get you a little less emotional warmth in your old age." I couldn't have said it better myself.
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The care of elderly parents should be discussed amongst everyone in the family, with the entire family involved in making care giving decisions that are in the best interests of the elderly parent as well as all caregivers. It is important to have respectful and open conversations, gently discussing a parent's wishes, needs and abilities based upon their mental, emotional and physical condition.

Of course, the ideal situation is when parents take the initiative to make decisions regarding their own care in advance, rather than waiting for an emergency to occur that can sometimes leave elderly parents at the mercy of uninformed relatives. Many problems can be avoided by parents investigating the types of retirement options available, making advanced decisions regarding insurance and life-sustaining medical care, and making sure that all necessary documents such as powers of attorney and wills are readily available to those who must take responsibility in the event of an emergency.


***edited by moderator*** web addresses not allowed
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All I have to say is it that be prepared for a lot of things to come out of the closet. I for one finally found out why my dad treated me the way he did all my life. He finally told me that had I not been born he would have left my mom a long time ago. He has always placed my brother on a pedestal and praised him. All my life I tried to when approval from my dad, to get a pat on the back, but he never would do so. He would always put me down. Even when we built a big enough house for him to move in with us, all he has done is complain. We should have done this and not done that. He has told relatives and friends that we will not allow him to have friends and we treat him like a prisoner. There is only one person we will not allow in the house and that is a lady friend of his that has over 30 traffic violations, 2 petty larceny, 1 grand larceny, tested positive for cocaine several times in the last couple of years, slapped a police officer, and cursed a judge. She has even switched her meds with some of his pain killer. All he can think about is that here is this 48 year old that appears to be interested in him (80 years old). So far, 6 police officers told him that he needs to stop associating with this woman because she is dangerous and unpredictable. He has also told people that we will not let him drive anywhere. It is the doctor who told him he could not drive for a while, because of the pain medicine he is taking since his surgery. He does not listen or believe anything we say. He does whatever he wants to do and does not take into consideration what we want. He cuts down small trees, even after we have asked him not to, mainly because the county said we cannot cut down anymore trees. My wife's doctor has prescribed something for for in order to deal with all this and I am about ready to do the same. Matter of fact my dad does not hardly talk to me at all anymore, at least for now.
So, be prepared for anything.
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I must say that I am completly frustrated. I am 48 and my partner is 54 we would like to get married but she lives with her elderly parents. She is the only child and her father is blind with diabetic issues, her mother with lung cancer. Her mother is very demanding and expects her call back immediatly when she phones, run errands and is never satified with anything she does. Furthermore her mother calls her names and tells her on a daily basis that she owes her because she had to take care of her and spent many thousands of dollars on her. I refuse to live there and my partner does not understand why. I am unable to communicate to her mother because she is pure evil in my mind. She manipulates, starts arguments, has fits of rage and expects to be treated like a queen. I have had conversations about us having a life but I refuse to live with her parents and she will not leave them. Am I being selfish? Any philisophies or advise out there?
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Hi there. I am 25, a full time student trying to get into medical school, full time job and my mom had a stroke 2 years ago. I moved back home to help take care of her but I simply cannot do it any longer. It is far too much and I have fallen into a terrible depression and most days I just want to die. Does anyone have any ideas of what the f**k I should do? I'm at the end of my rope and tired of hanging on. My father is an alcoholic who doesn't give a sh*t and my brother moved away years ago because of my father, and he hasn't looked back since. I am ready to just walk away and stick mom in a home but I don't know how to find out how that would get paid for and she doesn't want to go into one but if I stay here I'm not gonna make it. I just don't know what to do.
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