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As the mother of two young teens I thought I would share my story regarding recent events with my own kids and how my husband and I handled it. It would also be nice to get some feedback on what other parents think about our solution.

I have two teenage children, a girl 16, and a boy 14. They are great, healthy, good kids who are doing well in school and are just a joy to have. Lately though they seem to have become very sexually curious from what I can gather. Each is now frequently complaining that the other is barging in their room, barging in the bathroom, not respecting the others privacy etc. Each one thinks that the other is trying to catch peeks of them naked or somewhat undressed. They have been frequently complaining to me about the others behavior. Having tried reinforcing boundaries for them and talks about this subject I finally decided to try something different and see if it would work. I had a talk with my husband and he reluctantly agreed with my strategy, half laughing at the same time, but also thought it was an interesting approach.

I didnt get any complaints from the kids for several weeks and began thinking maybe this behavior had reached its own end. Then suprisingly the complaints and whining about the lack of respect for privacy, walking in rooms unannounced, peeking in the bathroom, etc started again. This time I sat my kids down and had the following talk with them: I started by saying that I was getting tired of the constant complaints, as was their father. I also said that it is obvious that each of you is wanting to see the other naked or somewhat naked or there wouldn't be all this sneaky goings on. Then I said that its normal to be curious at your ages and its also normal to want to explore the opposite sex, and I am sure the hormones are raging for both you. I'm guessing that you both are dying to see the other naked or whatever and are probably masturbating as well, and that all of this is normal behavior at your ages. The looks on their faces at this point were priceless. Then I went so far as to suggest that maybe they stop the teasing and feeble attempts at catching the other naked and just go in their rooms, get naked, and look at each other, do some exploring, and get it over with. If you want to masturbate with each other that's ok but I dont want things to progress beyond that for any reason. It's obvious you two are dying to see each other and I've talked it over with your father, and we both have agreed on this solution. I told them they need to respect each other while they are naked and both need to agree on this and be comfortable with it. I also said I didnt want to hear any more complaints about the other trying to get looks or peeks and that I am leaving this up to them to decide if this just stops or you take my suggestion. Needless to say they walked away from our talk with the most stunned looks on their faces.

In the ensuing weeks I didnt hear any more complaints from either of them. Not knowing what was going on, if anything, I decided to ask each of them what if anything they decided. In approaching my daughter first I could tell by the way she responded that something had taken place. She was not so quick to deny anything and so I sort of new they must have done something. She was embarrassed but did admit they they took my suggestion and got naked together. I said that that was ok and as long as things are comfortable between the two of you, then I'm glad you've worked it out. I didn't ask if they were masturbating together at all but I was really dying to know. Later, when talking to my son, he basically admitted the same thing.

I did ask them how frequently they were doing their naked episodes and both just said that they check each other out now from time to time. Admittedly yes, I would love to know if my cute kids are masturbating together and would even love to see them doing it together, but I don't think we would ever progress that far, nor would our kids ever want to. We think this is one healthy way for them to explore their sexuality together in a safe enviroment.

So there you have it parents. I am sure there will be some comments on my husband and I's solution, and they would be welcomed. It would be interesting to know if other parents come up against this issue with their teens and how they've handled it.

I will admit that my husband and I are also active masturbators, and enjoy a great sex life with masturbation included. We did not approach this from a family nudity thing as others have in some situations. My husband and I didn't feel comfortable being naked around our kids and so didn't move in that direction. We would love to know what other parents think and hope that some of you will let us know....

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User avatar
Health Ace
6904 posts
It's been a while and no one has replied so I guess I will.
At 14 and 16 I would think that they would already have seen enough of each other to satisfy their curiosity, if they grew up in the same house. Have they really been kept hidden from each other all these years?

I didn't have a mixed family, we had all boys but I do recall a time when my wife's brother's daughter was staying with us for a few days. My sons were 3 and 6 at the time and she was 5. They were in one of the kids rooms playing before bed time so they were in night clothes. We heard one of the boys remark "girls really don't have wee wees". We figured they were all having a good learning experience and we didn't interfere.

I was about six when I explored the differences. I was an only child and there were no boys my age to play with in the neighborhood. My playmates were two girls a year and two years younger. The younger one had two older brothers. We were playing one day when she said her brother told her boys have a bat and two balls while girls have two bisquits. We were discussing that when we decided to check it out. I thought what they had was quite interesting but I felt girls got cheated because they didn't have much of anything. She said mine didn't look like her brothers, his had a knob on the end. I pulled back my foreskin to show her mine did too. She thought the skin that moved back was really neat and they both wanted to move it with their own fingers. We were all surprised at what happened next. When she pushed the skin back the whole thing got larger and stood straight up. Later we discovered it would do that when the other girl touched it too. They were very fascinated by that and they asked me to let them touch it and let them make it stand up quite often. I was quite willing because I liked the attention and somehow it really felt nice when they touched me. One of them had several girl friends who came over to play at times and the other one had a couple girl cousins who came to visit once in a while. They had to show off the stand up trick the next time any of them showed up. I always got to explore their bisquits in exchange and for some reason I always wanted to spread them to see the funny bits of skin inside. Even though I felt they had nothing much to play with, I still like touching them and they liked having me touch them. They also said it felt nicer than when they touched themselves. None of us knew about mast*rbation, I didn't learn about that until my cousin showed me when I was 10. I guess me and the girls were through checking each other out by that time because I never showed them that new trick it would do.

Also when we learned that women could feed babies with milk that came out of their nipples, I remember spending some time attempting to find the holes in theirs where it came out. They tried to see if I had any holes too. Neither of us found any holes.

I think if we had had a mixed family I would have bathed them together so they would be familiar with the differences and hopefully not be ashamed of their own bodies or being seen naked. I know when I was discovering life with the neighbor girls none of us dared to mention it to our parents. So we didn't dare to ask any questions about what we were finding. As I said we stopped learning about each other before our teen years so when I was dating a girl at 16 and saw all the hair sticking out the side of her bathing suit I was really surprised. I just thought boys were the only ones who had crotch hair to go along with their beards. That sure looked ugly on a girl.

I think keeping things hidden from kids as they are growing up is the cause of a lot of problems later on.
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well well well what to say. my kids arent teenagers yet but i be damned if they will ever ever be involved with one another like you allowed yours to do. that is extremely wrong in my eyes. my husband and i were both floored when reading your post.
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i LOVE the idea i have a 14 yr old daughter and a 15 1/2 daughter and i totally agree there al the time complaining he looked, down .........." so i sat them
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Bump more people need read this
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I am sure the kids are having sex with each other. :)
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Hi, I was just wandering how that turned out for you and your kids. I am just curious though, did your every find out what went on between the two of them?

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I would like to also say that it is a very interesting but i like it. How did you think of it?
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I'm an only child and I live only with my mom. I'm a 13 yo girl and since it would be awkward to masturbate with any of my friends, do you have any advice on how I could ask my mom to show me how??
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Bump so more people can see this post form a long time ago

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don't ask the next time she's in the shower just get naked in front of her and start playing with her breasts she will ask what's happening then you say: 'i want to know how it is to be touched by someone else' and then things will just start and believe me it works i did this with my mom now she's even lending me her dildos

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we are a family from Denmark...and fell very comfortable going nude in our home and in nature...5 kids...we believe that the human body is beautiful,not evil or nasty...our kids have been used to they and me being nude since their birth..... there are erections all the time and masturbation is also a normal natural experience.I AM very affectionate,we practice the family bed concept,,easier for breastfeeding and affection for all,i also do extended bf part time when asked for emotion and affection. my oldest is my 11 yr old twin boys who ,as normal kids do,experiment such as 2 way masturbation and 2 way oral... Now a lot of kids even in the USA do all this ,but are ashamed .,and made to feel bad.

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User avatar
Health Ace
6904 posts

That is so true. Here in the US boys are made to feel ashamed of having erections. They become quite regular as they approach the teen years and girls seem to think it is something to ridicule them about. That certainly must have an unwanted effect on male female relations.

The last part of your statement is so true also. I was about 10 when I first got together to masturbate with my cousins. My mother walked in on us once and all she said was "dinner's ready" then closed the door. The group expanded from there as time went on and often there would be 6 or 7 of us masturbating together. Being boys we had to have contests. Distance, quantity, how fast you could do it, how long you could last when someone else was doing it to you. The guys seemed to know that most of the other guys were doing it too but we were made to believe girls did not do it. I don't know how much the girls knew about us. Society in general wanted us to feel ashamed if we did that and feel bad if we did.

If the girls I went to school with knew nothing about us guys, there were girls in other places who weren't as dumb. When I was 19 and in the army I met a girl who had my penis out on our second date and was pumping it like a pro. God how she loved doing that. I thought she was my age when we met and was mortified when she had a birthday a couple months later and she turned 17. But by that time she owned me and we dated for another year and a half.
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Good Post you are vary Open Nice to see
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Sexual curiosity continues through life and certainly doesn't stop when you're 12. This was a very brave decision that worked out very well since after all, you have to live with your kids complaining about each other and it sounds like they educated each other at the same time as affirmed bonds all the while giving up stupid ongoing quarrel.

Frankly, harm does not come to honest and open relationships especially in the family.... everyone consented by following their own interests and had a major positive outcome so this was very interesting to read. IN the US people have to follow such rigid boundaries because of social stigma whereas in other parts of the world, people arent worried about being human.. having erections and noticing the uniqueness of each other whether as sexual beings or just family members.

I didn't have a brother or cousin to learn how to masturbate from, I stumbled upon the way to make your penis feel all warm and electric through a long term obsession with wanting to put my penis in my own mouth....
Strange as it is, I was 15 when one day I was feeling particularly turned on and ran up to my room to try to kiss or lick my own glans and foreskin. I noticed I was stroking it a certain way to try to get it to my mouth and that's how I learned. My sister if she'd been closer in age I think would have spurred that ability. She's 7 years younger though so when she was becoming very curious and started to peek at me when I was naked, I was already a bit set in my ways of reservation. We spent plenty of time naked together so I think it helped us mutually....

Again, a very unique solution that a family should be secure enough to explore. We're all sexual beings and no loving family is going to hurt each other so let curiosity do its thing!
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