im suicidal and want to talk to someone but family wont listen

Im posting this again because I'm not able to see anything on the other one... I need help... Serious help. I hate to post this here but i know i need help. At least i can admit that. Im suicidal. I have suicidal thoughts. I cut myself but not so i bleed just so it hurts. Ive been suicidal since i was younger but now its worse. I isolate myself a lot. Im never truly happy. My mom isn't very nice. She yells at me a lot. If i dont do something right it's my fault. Everything is always my fault. I feel useless, unloved, hated ect. Im sad a lot but pretend like nothing is wrong so i dont have to hear 5 or more speeches 20 minutes -1 hour long from my family to be treated the same way again in 3 weeks. Or be asked what's wrong only to lie. I don't have any true friends and no one will listen without giving me useless advice. I was also molested when i was younger. I don't remember the person who did it. I never reported it. And from my knowledge its too late to say anything because it's been 8 years. So im pretty much here to ask if there's any online therapist sites that anyone can direct me to. I don't want my family to know. They found out once and it was like living in hell. They thought i was crazy, "helped", lied to me, treated me like i was mentally ill. It wasn't fun and i can't tell them the real reason i want to do it so that was fun. So if anyone can help me. Please don't say tell your mom because she can't and won't help, talk to the counselor at your school because all she did was made me cry for two hours straight, don't do it because ive heard that from friends, teachers, family and on here way to many times anything like that. I have trust issues so that's why I'm asking for online... It's easier for me . If anyone has any questions feel free to ask thank you for reading and responding