What you should do is give up on this guy. He met her after you, you said you've been involved with him for 4-5 years yet he's been in this relationship for 3 years, and you still want him? Why?
When you say "relationship" the 11 year one, are you married?
His actions don't suggest that he loves you. It sounds like he's very comfortable having at least two women in his life, likely getting sex whenever he wants. It's unlikely he'd ever leave her for you. I wouldn't be surprised to see him find another woman at some point.
Move on. It's time for YOU to take a hard look at who you're dating and what you want in your life. Cut your losses now.