11 yrs ago I gave birth to a handicap son, Noah. He is the love of my life. He wasn't to survive past 1 year and now he's 11. I have wanted another child since Noah was a baby. The father and I are still together. I am 33 now and when I was 28 he promised me that when I got divorced, was 30, finished college and got a good job we could have another kid. Like I said I am 33. I have been divorced for over two years and finished college over 3 years ago. And I have a good job. Noah is our life and has had a few close calls lately. I'm scared that if something happens to him that he will not want another baby. If something happens to Noah and we loose him I think it might be easier to deal with the loss if we had something to live for. I never want to lose my boy. Ever. But I am scared given his history, and that has never changed the fact that I have wanted another child for a long time now. I have seen friends and family give birth to healthy babies and would like one of my own. I don't think it will take away from Noah. He does-and that feels like a cop out. If we can still be as strong as we are for Noah we can be that much more stronger with another child. It wouldn't take away from Noah. He's our miracle. Our first born. And any child we have after him would make it that much more special. And that child would grow to love him and Noah loves other kids! I love Noahs father more than anything. But I have waited and wanted for so long now that I am resenting him. When I was 28 I told my self I would give him til I was 35. That's only a year and a half away now. I told him I would rather be alone than with someone who didn't want to have another kid with me given our circumstances. And yet I don't want to force him into having another child either, just to have it thrown in my face later by him. I did what he asked me to do, crossed of the list so to speak and still... He doesn't know if he wants another kid and I can't keep hoping and waiting. I do not want to replace Noah or force his father. But I can't keep denying what is in my core either.