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i have only been with my partner almost 7months. a few months into our relationship i came across an instant message conversation on his computer. it was to a girl he did not know he was asking things about her like where she lived etc. then he suggested she go on webcam with him and he was naked and wantd to know what she lookd like naked. we had a big fight he said he didnt know why he did it, he promised not to do it again and he never wanted to hurt me etc. so i stayed with him.

since then i have had no trust, our relationship has become distance, i feel he has no sexual desire for me. so just recently i checked his computer history and found he was going on to social network kind of dating sites i couldnt see exactly what he was doing but in had gone into a lot of girls profiles mostly with very sexual profile pictures. i confronted him, i says he has been doing it for years he doesnt know why and he does want to do it. he told me he goes on and sends rude messages to the girls and gets them to send naked pictures that he then masturbates to. he says its because hes board and that porn isn't real enough for him. he says he wants help but i dont know how to help him. we both went though his computer deleted his accounts to the websites he has been using and i have put a password on his personal computer so he can only go on it when i am around. i have done some research into sexual addictions but it all suggests therapy. i know he will not see someone about it as he is extremely embarassed.

how can i get him to stop?

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Hello concerned girl. I have no clue how to help him... I haven't gone through it myself... Goodluck

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There are organizations like AA called Sex Addicts Anonomys or SAA. But he needs to make that decision himslef to go for help. SAA is not treatment so he needs to find a sex therapist to help. It can be helped. I have been in SAA for over a year and it changed my life and saved my marriage. Good luck.
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Unfortuantely its the new age era, the computer and web cams, years ago, some men got out the porn mags that they would buy from the shop, now days its is easy as switching a button on the computer and the amount of pornographic material or lonely women on there is everywhere.  One of the biggest relationship killers if you ask me.  They believe that there not doing anything  wrong because they arent actually touching someone else, however its the emotional context thats involved that becomes a part of it.  They dont realise that half the women they see on there are barely teens and are probably in the midst of a personal crisis with there self esteem, needing appoval about there looks. Sadly all this hurts and destroys the best relationships and marriages.  What you have done is has taken courage, I commend you for trying to solve the problem and confront your husband in needing to make changes, including  making the computer less accessable for these things to happen.  However if he truly is  an addict and needs proffessional counselling , then you may have to use this as a reason to keep your relationship, especially if hes no longer interested in having sex with you, also is there a chance that he has been having  problems with his sexual desire because of a anyhing that  and hes too ashamed to  mention it to you, like erectile dysfunction abilities etc.  Good luck in working out your problems., and give him all the encouragement you can give when hes trying.
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