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I am a 22 year old female and am having a problem with my extreme jealousy. It is so bad that I am scared that I am ruining my relationship. We have been together and have both cheated on each other once and told each other about it. We decided to work through our issues and promised that we were being completely honest with each other.

I don't want to lose my boyfriend. I love him very much and he is a talented wonderful individual. He loves me and completely trusts me.

My jealousy and worry has tuned into complete paranoia and anxiety...even about things outside of the relationship. I now have panic attacks regularly (cold sweats, nausia, body shakes, fever.) I also now think that people are following me when I walk home from school or work, or that they are out to get me when I am in classes. It has made me do things that I am not proud of like snoop through his phone and email.

Does anyone have a suggestion about what I can do? I can't live my life like this. And it seems to happen with every relationship that I have (friends, family, and boyfriends.)


I was in your situation for almost a year, and unlike you, it was all my doing. I was a heavy smoker of pot for about 2 yrs, and around the time i graduated from college, i started having exact same symptoms you portray, except for me it was strictly towards my girlfriend. I was destroying the relationship from within with my paranoia, and jealousy.. I had myself convinced that she was unfaithful to me, and went to great distances to prove myself correct, only to be proven incorrect time and time again, but no amount of proof that my suspicions were incorrect made a difference. Right smack in the middle of my paranoia phase, i decided to go cold turkey and quit weed for good. It wasn't too hard, but i had really bad psychological side effects from that, which multiplied my paranoia by a 1000 folds. I knew my paranoia initially started due to my heavy use of weed and my intake of creatine (a body building supplement), but it worsened when my body couldn't handle the sudden shock of being off weed. Long story short, I realized I'd need some counceling from a shrink about this matter, and she put me on a low dose of anti-anxiety med.. 6 months later, and here i am, still at times paranoid, but nothing like how it was at my worst.. i'd say i'm 10% paranoid about my girlfriend's faithfulness, and it sucks that im not back to my old self, but it took 2 yrs and lots of marijuana to get me to this point.. i don't expect to flip it all of a sudden back to normal.

My recommendation is to go see a therapist. The fact that you two have cheated on each other plays a huge role in your feelings, and sometimes, when a person cheats on their partner, it is the cheater that gets paranoid and jealous b/c they start thinking that "hey, if i cheated on this person, then what's to say they're not cheating on me".... if a person can't trust themselves to be faithful in a relationship, then how can you trust your partner to do the same...

I don't know how you feel about taking SSRI's, but as a student who studied this kind of thing, and has seen people in your situation, something like Prozac could bring some much needed balance to your mind.


I'm sorry that you're feeling this down, I really am.
Honestly, the BEST advice I can possibly give to you is that I think you really need to talk to a Counselor or Therapist about this.
If you don't it will only get worse, trust me! I have to see a Counselor for many reasons that I won't delve into, but this is ONE of the reasons.
If you're honest with your Counselor/Therapist they will know more of how to help you through this and how to make it easier. You can't live your life like this because it really isn't a life ... It's absolutely miserable, I know it is.
If I wouldn't have started seeing my Counselor it would've probably driven me to suicide because it just got worse and worse everyday and with everyday came something different for me to be paranoid and anxious about. It may start with one thing but it always leads to other things that you'll be paranoid about.
What would be even better, IF you feel comfortable with this idea, is to have your boyfriend come with you. That way he knows what you're dealing with and can maybe change some of the things he's doing that makes you paranoid, some things he's doing he might not even realize, do you see what I'm saying?
I really hope you take my advice and see someone about this because like I said, I've been there and it is miserable. If it wasn't for my Counselor keeping me grounded and making me look at things differently and TEACHING me the RIGHT way to look at things and teaching me techniques on how to cope when I am feeling paranoid I really don't think I'd be here.
I wish you nothing but the best! I know you'll be just fine in the end! Just be strong and smart about things.