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I love my husband very much. We got married about 6 months after meeting, we are each others best friends. but about 2 months after we got married I got pregnant, so I was pregnant for 8 months and we had twins... I gained about 110 pounds all together, lost about 50 after the kids were born and I have lost about another 20-25 pounds since then... Basically the entire time I was pregnant our relationship went completely down hill. He started asking girls out, talking to them on the phone, masterbating none stop, never having sex with me... He never had sex w/ a different girl either, or touched kissed, nothing, but he wanted to... I love him so much but finally after him telling me that he still wanted to be with other girls I told him that he needed to move out and that I needed someone who was happy with me... he never moved out becuase he said he still wanted to be w/ him and that he was just changing and he didnt like the man he had became, and I beleive that completely... but we kept having problems for a long time.. like another 6-7 months or so... then about two months ago we decided to move across town and "start over"... things have been a lot better but still a bit rocky.... He has looked at porn, checked out other girls, masterbated to other girls, watched xxx movies (all things that he promised he would not do... I know you are probably thinking he's a guy most guys do.. yada yada... ) but that Is not who he use to be... when he was a teen of course but we are both strong Christians, our family are Chrisitans, we just dont do that kind of stuff and he never did when we were dating or engaged, or anything like that but anyways... he tryes not to and it is not that big of a deal to me, I am not perfect, but I still take it so personally... I dont want to lose my husband and I dont want to not be good enough for him... Every time we go to the store and he looks at a girl I FLIP!.. and I know I shouldnt but I am still just so hurt by everything and i am scared and i know that he asked girls out in the first place just by looking at them and thinking they were hot... What should I do? I dont want to be jealouse all of the time!... It just stresses me out... I never use to be like this but after hurting for so long i dont know what to do or how to be happy again... Also... for some reason I have this scared feeling about his ex gf... they had sex 1 time , they both lost their virginities with eachother... she is BEAUTIFUL!... probably one of the most prettyiest girls i have ever seen.. they havent talked/seen eachother since probably before we got engaged but i am so jealouse of her .... what do i do?... I am turning into this crazy jealouse nut!

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hi there!

i just saw the post..a bit late but..

Look,i understand you completely..im a female too myself..and happy to see that there are some similar woman outside there..
to be jealous i think ,a little bit is completely normal..that shows that you love your husband..

if he is not able to give you trust (obviously not) then you are right about being jealous..

but the problem is,when you get jealous,it makes the person ugly..
in the eyes,in the face..
everywhere..

if you are calm, even ready to loose your husband,things will get better..

the keyword is DO NOT BE AFRAID..
what is the worst?
the worst could be that you divorce from your husband..
but I think it is not gonna happen..

i see that he was a good guy and only willing to be with you..
probably you should stop saying that you want to be good enough for him..

you are good enough..
that is not the point..

the point is that he is curious about outside..like the kids.
if they are not allowed to go to the park,they will wanna go there like mad.if you let them,they will be not interested in it anymore..

you see?

I have a similar situation like yours..
im getting mad if the guy next to me starts to stare at other girls and they stare at him..they makes me crazy..

I have to try to calm myself as well..

i know it is hard to do..

good luck...

heads up!
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kaylamiller wrote:

I love my husband very much. We got married about 6 months after meeting, we are each others best friends. but about 2 months after we got married I got pregnant, so I was pregnant for 8 months and we had twins... I gained about 110 pounds all together, lost about 50 after the kids were born and I have lost about another 20-25 pounds since then... Basically the entire time I was pregnant our relationship went completely down hill. He started asking girls out, talking to them on the phone, masterbating none stop, never having sex with me... He never had sex w/ a different girl either, or touched kissed, nothing, but he wanted to... I love him so much but finally after him telling me that he still wanted to be with other girls I told him that he needed to move out and that I needed someone who was happy with me... he never moved out becuase he said he still wanted to be w/ him and that he was just changing and he didnt like the man he had became, and I beleive that completely... but we kept having problems for a long time.. like another 6-7 months or so... then about two months ago we decided to move across town and "start over"... things have been a lot better but still a bit rocky.... He has looked at porn, checked out other girls, masterbated to other girls, watched xxx movies (all things that he promised he would not do... I know you are probably thinking he's a guy most guys do.. yada yada... ) but that Is not who he use to be... when he was a teen of course but we are both strong Christians, our family are Chrisitans, we just dont do that kind of stuff and he never did when we were dating or engaged, or anything like that but anyways... he tryes not to and it is not that big of a deal to me, I am not perfect, but I still take it so personally... I dont want to lose my husband and I dont want to not be good enough for him... Every time we go to the store and he looks at a girl I FLIP!.. and I know I shouldnt but I am still just so hurt by everything and i am scared and i know that he asked girls out in the first place just by looking at them and thinking they were hot... What should I do? I dont want to be jealouse all of the time!... It just stresses me out... I never use to be like this but after hurting for so long i dont know what to do or how to be happy again... Also... for some reason I have this scared feeling about his ex gf... they had sex 1 time , they both lost their virginities with eachother... she is BEAUTIFUL!... probably one of the most prettyiest girls i have ever seen.. they havent talked/seen eachother since probably before we got engaged but i am so jealouse of her .... what do i do?... I am turning into this crazy jealouse nut!



Hi Kaylamiller,

I was reading your post. You know, I want to tell you something FIRST OFF.... we are human....these feelings rear their ugly heads at times. You mentioned that you married after 6 months.... God has a purpose and remember that often times what the world says may not be what He has planned for you. I met my husband in October of 1997, and we were married in February of 1998. I had prayed for a hubby for 5 years. The first year and a half or so of marriage is sometimes pretty rough. You are 2 DIFFERENT people coming together as a family. When you have intercourse, "the two shall become one". I was pregnant with my son about 8 months after we were married. You and your husband are now conidered "one flesh". You may have different hobbies, and whatnot, but you are still one flesh.

In my humble opinion, that is one of the BIGGEST reasons I believe that when young girls (including myself) have or had sex before marriage, it tears that "bond" apart. I honestly believe that is why He did not intend for us to do this before marriage. Simply because we cannot forsee the "intricacies" involved. Dont get me wrong, God made sex to be the most beautiful experience between a married couple. The reason I mention this is because I pretty much didnt have alot of "myself" to offer when I was married, but The Lord changed that.

First, I can understand what you mean by jealousy. I have experienced it as well. I have heard people say "if you live together first, you should have no problems in marriage because you already know one another." In my humble opinion I disagree. When you are joined in the bond of marriage, things are different. Noe, keep in mind, I am not posting this to be judgemental, nasty or "holier than thou" sounding...ok? It comes from experience.

The first thing I would strongly suggest, as you and you husband (as you mentioned) are believers in Christ, is that you go to a Christian counselor for marriage and family. These counselors approach your problems from a Christian aspect and they can view things objectively through a different "set of eyes" outside the situation if you will. BE honest and open with them WITH ALL THINGS, it is no other persons place to be judgemental or such.

I know it is a whole lot easier to post these things, because you pretty much remain anonymous, but definetely go to a Christian counselor and "unload" (if you will). You know, firstly, men do not view things in the way women do. women AND men are very blessed in the many "gifts" God has instilled in each. It is a scientific fact secondly that men and women think differently and their thought processes...logic,heart, etc.. Be in prayer in these things, young lady. NOTHING is too big for Him.

When I was younger I dated alot. I thought I knew all about men, until I met my husband. I thought men were (as it is said in society) all "piggy". Forgive me men who might be reading this post. No offenses, ok? I expected my hubby to act in the same fashion, but he didnt. DONT get me wrong NEITHER of us is perfect by a long shot, but I believe that God has a plan for every "mountain" we cross.

In my opinion, I think you should PRAY PRAY PRAY and ask Him to give you wisdom. CRY OUT TO HIM....He is listening. And just because you might not get an answer RIGHT away, does not mean He didnt hear you. Dont try to go this alone, talk to a Christian counselor or therapist.

You guys have had ALOT of new and different changes in your life together. Remember COMMUNICATION between each other is key. Do you pray together at any special times? Bring these things before God with your husband. Remember that alot of new things in life can bring alot of different stresses that you may not have had before. And I remember from my own experience how OVERWHELMING those changes felt. I remember, trust me.

Hang in there sweetie, DONT go this in fear. Jesus is with you, make sure to include Him in your struggles. He wants to bear them for you.....with you,ok? If there are any further questions I can help you with specifically, please let me know. DONT hesitate to post, ok? When I get my new email address I will post it if you would prefer to privately ask questions. Your experience sounds PRETTY similar to what mine was about 10 years ago, and my hubby and I are stronger and closer through our trials, but we did seek help confidentially. God bless you.

Dont grow weary in your heart young lady, ok?

Im here.

Blessings and coverings,
Hizgrace
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