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I've been going out with my girlfriend for six months. She was upfront with me from the start that she suffers from manic depression. She's on Lithium daily and annually sees a psych to make sure everything is in check.

Recently though she's moved into her own place and this seems to have brought on more depressive episodes. Recently she has been extremely caught up on my past relationship - I was going out with a girl long term, we broke up and then I met her. What she can't get over is how I 'got over' this past relationship so quickly - I told her that I didn't - that I grieved and cried and hurt. She can't seem to accept this though - it's like her brain is 'stuck'.

Last night we were talking about it again and she started shaking, wanted to throw a glass at the wall and she kept saying 'it's in my head, it's in my head'. She believes me - but it's like her mind won't let her 'believe' it.

I had never seen one of these 'psychotic episodes' - as she called it - but I was supportive and comforting but I could see she was in a LOT of mental pain.

Then at the end of our long discussion she asked if we could 'just be friends for a while'? At first I was shocked but soon pulled myself together.

She said she needs to go into her own world for a bit, hibernate and get her thoughts together. She said she doesn't like partners seeing her in this state - and she just wants a bit of 'spce' to work these thoughts through. She also said she can't handle the 'expectation' to work this out straight away.

So I've agreed to give her 'time' - she still wants to remain friends and hang out together and we both agreed we didn't want to 'lose each other'.

I spoke to her today and just let her know I wasn't going anywhere and she can talk to me anytime. To which she replied 'Thankyou but I don't think I feel like talking yet and I don't have any answers'. I said 'that's fine'. She said 'I just need to lie down on grass and think'. She's also been sleeping a hell of a lot since that night together and she is under quite a bit of stress at work.

I keep trying to tell myself this isn't about me - that she's not rejecting me - this is about her and her illness and what else can I do except still be her friend, don't pressure her and hope she'll give us a second chance once she 'sorts herself out'? It's quite a balance though to 'be there for her' but 'give her space' at the same time. By the way - two nights before she was telling me I had all the qualities she was always looking for in a man - then 'bang' - I'm on the outer...

Any advice much appreciated. I really love this girl. Cheers Evan


HI Evan,

I think I might be able to help you out, you see I too have manic depression, but it took awhile for me to come to terms with it and to be able to live my life in a normal healthy way, sometimes these things take time, it was extremely hard for me to cope with my illness because at the time I was too in a relationship with a guy and also had alot of problems, and at that time I was thinking "Why Me' and I thought of it as a curse rather than a blessing, you see I'm blessed in the sense of being intelligent and highly creative and I know had I not in some way not had this disorder that I wouldn't be able to be the type of person I am today! I learned to accept it and look at it in the positive rather than the negative, also, depending on her age, and how long she has had manic depression, if she has been recently diagnosed then it might take awhile for her to adjust herself and be able to cope with her problem in a normal healthy manner, and have a good relationships with people. Reading your post, you seem like a decent young man and a perfect gentleman, and my advice to you is it is probably best to remain friends, I know you care for her and love her, but right now, a relationship is maybe not the best thing for her, it would be best to just be there for her and be a good listener, I honestly wish that when I first found out about my disorder while I was with my boyfriend that he would have been the same way, except we broke up and I was depressed for a really long time, so I think you as a person can only do soo much for her and the attitude you have now about comforting her and being there for her is the best thing you can do for her! She will one day come around and then you will be the first person she will look for! That I can promise you! Keep being a sweetheart to your girl! She may not see it now but she will be grateful to have a guy like you in her life! So keep up the good work! Kudos to you for being a great guy! They are extremely rare now and days! :-)


Hey is it possible that she may be pregnent? you say she is been really tired lately, alot of women get confused and tired and hungry alot, look into it. If there has not been intercourse then nvm this post. lol hope i cld help