I did speed for a year when I was 19. I quit that no problem, I got fat, but I knew I didn't want it anymore. I was a junkie for a few months when I was 21 after breaking up with the longest relationship I had, which had resulted in an abortion, when I told him I was pregnant he punched my gut. Throughout all of this I had no friends, the only one I can say I have lives in another state. So when I decided to stop doing herion I was alone. Three days of feeling like absolute death, mental, physical, spiritual. So you would think being an addict I would stay away from pot and alcohol right? Of course not, I would continue to drink to the point that I would black out regularly. I finally quit after I woke up with vomit all over my clothes, one shoe, alone and no recollection of how I got there. Its been a month since I've drank, and I have no desire to. The amount of shame I feel towards alcohol won't even let my mind to play with the notion of having a drink. The last hurdle is weed. I don't want to do drugs, I don't want to drink, but I feel the need to smoke. I stopped smoking weed three weeks ago (to look for work) and picked up smoking spice, which I know is waay worse. I'm a mess. I feel like I can't cope with life unless I have a release. I can spend a few days without thinking about smoke....but then it comes back to me. What makes this so hard is that I have no one to talk to. I've had this addictive streak in my life for as long as I can remember, but I have to bottle it up. I just want someone who I can talk to when it gets to be too much, aa meetings just make me want to do drugs, all the re hashing gets me antsy, I want the good stories of how people are living after they've stopped, how they still say no, not of their depths, I'm too low right now to hear anymore without wanting to do it....help. simply, help