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I am a 32 year old female virgin and have been married for 5 years. My husband and I have tried a few times to have sex, but he can't ever finish the job. He claims this has hurt his ego and now he won't even try to have sex again. He also has a fear of me getting pregnant and doesn't want kids. He says he is afraid something bad will happen to me and/or the baby. I am ready to have children and want to have a normal sex life and marriage. I still care about him, but I think he could be gay or something. He says he is not gay. How do I know if he is impotent or gay or has some other problem?
He also refuses marriage counseling b/c of embarrassment. I told him our marriage was over a few months ago and he was in denial that anything was wrong. Is this a good reason to end a marriage? I also don't know if this is grounds for an annullment since we've been married for 5 years.

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Hi Hon: If you are feeling this way and have all of these thoughts in your head then there IS something VERY wrong. I always tell people to follow their "Spidey Senses"

When you say "finish the job" - and since you said you are still a virgin - I guess that you are refering to the fact he cannot do insertion. So there is 3 things I'm thinking here.

1. He is gay!
2. He is completely impotant, and cannot face it at all!
3. He has had MAJOR trauma - emotionally when it comes to sex!

#1 - Is he from a strict background, religious etc? He could be just going through the motions - that been said I had a friend who is/was gay and was still able to have sexual relations with several girls. Same with my friends who are lesbian.

#2 - Most healthy men have a morning erection, does he even have that? Have you EVER seen him aroused? Does he get VERY upset if you mention this too him? Does he even mention ANYTHING sexual, as in jokes, visualization - "you look hot!!!", Has he ever done anything sexual with you - oral, foreplay, etc. Also does he seem to know what he IS doing when or if he does do that?

#3 - Does he over compensate with you for the no sexual contact? As in VERY loving, nervous or afraid you could leave him, doesn't mention things about his childhood, seems to be secrets in the family - little red flags that you might not have given much thought too in the past.

Take a look at the above questions and really give each one some thought. Also were there any signs about this before you were married? Did you EVER wonder, ever so slightly that there could be something a miss here?

Another thing just came to mind, has he EVER turned it on you? As in saying things like "Well it's because I don't find you attractive, or It's because I don't love you!!"? Those kinds of viscious attacks that are usually based on their OWN feelings about themselves. It is too explain their "Lack of Virilaty"!

How well do you know his family and friends? IF there has been a terrible event in his life, there is 2 ways the family/friends play out. 1 - you rarely see them and when you do, you can cut the tension with a knife! 2 - when you do see them they are WAY over the top, almost like a show or a play! - NO REAL SUBSTANCE, no real feelings or mention of something from their past that WASN'T EXCELLENT!!?

IF he has suffered terrible trauma, that could be a big indicator why he doesn't want to go to counselling, as is if he is totally impotant. Because when someone has had trauma in their lives, they don't want ANYONE opening their Pandoras Box! Because as the old fable states, once you open Pandoras Box, there IS not going back, and you can't close it again!

So think about what i have mentione here, and let me know what you think OK? Good luck hon!
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