I am 18 years old turning 19. My mental state is just screwed up. I keep screwing things up with the girlfriend to be honest. She is like perfect to me and I just mess it all up. I was in a really bad relationship (abusive) not just mental but extremely physical. This was about last year. Ever since then I just so cautious bad trust issues, leaving issues, I get so scared when someone comes near me too fast I put a guard up cause I am afraid I am going to get hit again. I should not let this affect my current relationship but it does. I have a personality disorder I have 4 splits one equally worse than the other. They are angry and violent. I get mad so easily not me personally I try to control the split and this uncontrollable rage just kicks in. I started cutting again. At first they were like little drags but now they are deep. I don't even know I am doing it. I snap out of it and look down I'm cut and bleeding. I can't go to the doctors don't have the money. I just want to learn how to control this all again. I was able to for the longest time but then after that bad relationship... I just lost it all. I don't have anymore friends. I have my parents barely, I have my girlfriend but I can't really talk to her she just gets mad cause I end up giving her attitude and flipping out. Yes I know she should still be there for me but with the things that end up coming out she should not be. I don't want to put her through this anymore and I want to just have someone give me some good advice on how to approach this. How I can maybe get better or suppress it. I don't take meds or anything like that. Please whoever reads this. Help me. My name is Michael to whomever this concerns.
Youve got control issues.
One thing you need to know is, its up to you to make the change.
Its very hard to make a change so some people. For others it is very easy.
Self infliction is generally associated with attention seeking but it is also used for self discipline. You may have seen people scratching there heads in frustration. Well this is a self disciplinary action. So im sure youll find that quite amusing compared to cutting your self.
There are many ways to inforce self discipline to enable you to train your mind into not choosing to act or react in certain ways.
Just like a lion tammer that uses a wipe to discipline a lion even though we know that the wipe is useless if the lion tammer where to be attached by the full force of a lion that could rip him apart just like they do when there taking down a gazelle.
Why not try the lion technique. User personal restraint. Im not saying to wipe yourself. Consider it as society that are attaching you & as hurtful as it is, you know you can kill it but you need it to servive. Im recommending this as you display a wild charictorist, some what like myself.
You see the lion doesnt lash out to the lion tammer apart from a roar & a wave of his claws because it knows that the lion tammer is the only one that is going to feed it, otherwise it will die in a cage.
Now while your grasping that notion, why dont you make to gazelle come to you. The best disciplinary action is work. Go & do some weights to build up your strength. Not only will it build your personal self respect through intimidation but you will start to feel a sence of well being & over time, the respect you got from working on it, will make to type of people that show you resentment, now respect you but if you keep working long & hard on it, you will end up leading these types of people. So theyl come straight to you - See youtube clip: Gazelle + lion + tree =
Admin wont allow you youtube link so youll have to search for it.