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ok so ive been dating this girl for almost a year now. i want to break up with her but i don't know how. shes not stable on meds yet and says she'll die without me. im really trying but the out bursts are too much to handle. she says she wants to spend the rest of her life with me but im just not feeling the same way. i think if we hadn't had so many problems than maybe it would ahve grown into that. i have been killing myself trying to find a way to tell her how i feel. every time we have an arguement or she has an episode i feel like ok im ready to do it but then she starts being nice again and i lose my nerve. what should i do?

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tell her before it get's too far. you might leave her and she would get on treatmen to controll it. once you have seen the change you might want her back. you left her when she needed you the most.

YOU HAVE TO TELL HER either she gets put on medication or you are going to break up with her because you can't handle the stress mentally anymore, and that she is breaking you down. if you care about her you need to tell her this. if she refuses to get help then break up with her. don't let her pull you under with her.

If she want's to spend the rest of her life with you. you need to tell her you can't be with her if she can't get her bipolarism under control and you are not going to live like that no matter how much she loves you or you love her.
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Often bipolar comes with emotional issues like codependancy - being fearful to be alone. I feel for you, but you can't let her emotional blackmail hold you back from the break up. This will be an important learning experience for her, learning that no matter what emotional turmoil she creates, it will make no difference in the outcome. The best thing you can do for her now is make your decision and stick to it, no open endedness or break-up sex etc...
You can't allow your fear that she will hurt herself make you change your decision or behaviour. It will ingrain the behaviour more, that emotional blackmail works.
No doubt she will need support, a councillor maybe or the Dr. But you shouldn't feel bad, or responsible. It's a toughie, but as a bipolar, I've been in the same situation as her, I've driven away my partners and regretted it, and learned from it. After an experience like this it's possible to get over issues like this, because you've experienced the worst that you could imagine happening, and survived it. She'll no doubt look back, as i did a few years down the line, with more self awareness, and realise what she did and why, and why you shouldn't have to put up with it.
good luck.
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hey i'm bipolar and i'm a girl...yes we can put you and alot of others unders alot of stress....my boyfriend was with the same thing when i was on pills....he finally told me he couldn't take it anymore that he did love me but he couldn't take it...that i needed to go to my doctor get my pills changed or get off them...so i did and i have been without pills for 5 months now...and my doctor talked to my boyfriend and told him if i had an up or down to make sure he is with me and can make sure i don't do anything TO stupid...
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well thats tough ummm.... u have to understand she cant controll her bipolarism but ummm.... i dont know what to do about the relationship %-)

btw i'm bipolar to
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I just broke it off with my on again/off again partner of three years. There were numerous break-ups in between (at least two big ones) but it's a downward spiral of disappointment. I can't say "get out" NOW....the sooner the better but it's not like a regular break-up. You have a fragile person that is suicidal and it drives you absolutely crazy yourself.....

I thought if I just Hung in there and went to therapy with her...if I just did this or that....we could "work things out..." but the only thing left to "work-out" is your own sanity for staying....the problem is no longer should I stay or should I go? The problem becomes "why should I stay and why do I put up with it?"

it's really a self-realization....while we cannot control other people...w.e CAN control OUR lives and OUR outcome.....if you are not getting what you want....and deserve....whether you are BiPolar or not...it's just time to seeka good therapist yourself and figure out why you chose this type of relationship, how to avoid it in the future, and how to seek a healthy and fulfilling relationship.....
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I am 8 months pregnant and said good bye recently after my bipolar partner left on another 2 day drinking binge..I get blamed for everything and have tried to express my devastation and deterioration of trust and requested he see a psychiatrist and also address his addiction issue. This has been the most frustrating and unhealthy relationship I have experienced..emotional and psychological abuse runs rampant..even while expecting this baby..my friends are aware and do not respect him due to his treatment of me. I do love him and had hoped this child could have a family but I am scared to expose my child (my first) to this any longer. He said he'd seek a therapist.. still waiting counseling fell through...you see the potential which is why I stayed so long but the selfish, irrational and thoughtless behaviour takes its toll on you self worth. It can definitely spiral someone into a depression or anxious state. You question if your that bad of a person, why does he treat me like that..your actions are constantly twisted to justify his behaviour and harshness. It is Christmas eve and I am not certain when he will show to collect his things but he seems fine with the break up and said he did not like me and would not be rushing over to be berated. I am scared but confident I can get through this and be a great single parent.

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