My family likes to put me down. My mother always calls me fat and ugly. She would just casually say stuff like “omg why are your thighs so big”, “oh my look at your stomach”, “your acne is so bad, your nose is so flat, your forehead is so high, your skin tone is so uneven” and so on. I tried to ignore but every single time her words just hurt me. She even contradicts herself, when i start to believe that I am fat and ugly, she would say stuff like “how are you fat and ugly”.
My father, on the other hand, would say things like “why is your hair like that, so messy” and stuff like that, while people in my school have almost the same hairstyle as me,except for my bangs to cover my supposedly high forehead,but I don’t think this is that bad. The worse is he sort of really wants me to produce good results, like me mother,so ever since I was a kid, I had tuition for almost all the subjects, while the other kids were playing and enjoying their childhood. Even now, he continues to be like that. Of course there are more things, but I don’t want to make things too complicated.I would always envy how the kids in my school would not have to go to tuition and be fine with failing their exams.
Moving on, my brother also calls me fat and ugly, and he thinks that I have a really bad personality. He would also be complaining about his co workers and saying how they are like me but I’m slightly better, so in the sense he says he is “complimenting” me cause I’m just that bit better than them. And i foolishly thought that despite my parents treating me like this, I still have my brother.
All this things really made me question myself and ask things like: why am I not smart enough, why am I not pretty enough, why am I not good enough, why am I not someone that they can be proud of.. I know my problem isn’t really that bad compared to others, but I just really needed to voice out my thoughts. Thank you to anyone taking the time to read this :)