i hate myself

15 is such a difficult age, but you won't be 15 forever. I felt similarly to you when I was 15, and now I'm happily married with 2 beautiful children, a good job and a few nice friends. I wasn't one of the "popular" girls at your age - I was shy and chubby. I just didn't feel pretty. Looking back at pictures, I really wasn't particularly pretty, but I know now that it was just a stage. In time, I thinned out. I was diligent about watching what I ate, but I also took up exercise, which helped as well. I'm not a runner, so I did a lot of power walking to my favorite music. I also joined a couple service/charity groups at school, which was hard for me - I felt shy. But it forced me to socialize and I did make a couple of friends (and did some nice things for the community as well). For now, just hang in there. Read. Exercise. Write. Maybe keep a journal. I took some journalism classes, which I found interesting and led me to my current career. Do things that feel good FOR YOURSELF. The rest will come in time, so don't dispair. This will pass. I promise.

One more thing... I obviously haven't seen you, but I guarantee you are not as ugly as you think. 15 is an awkward stage for almost everyone. But don't compare yourself to the girls on TV, in the magazines and the few popular girls at school. There are a few "naturally" beautiful young teens out there, but most take time to blossom The girls on TV like Miley Cyrus have scores of people around making them look beautiful. Focus on what you like and not what you don't. Do you like your eyes? Your smile? Your hands? Also, if there are things you want to change, it is possible to do at some point. I recently got rhinoplasty, and when I got the bandages off earlier this week, I was shocked and upset at how swollen my nose was - it's bigger than before! But, just like you, I have to be patient. It will get better. When I told a few people I work with that I was going to have a nose job, a couple asked "Why? You're already married!" But you know what? I didn't do it to catch a man or make friends. I did it for me. I didn't hate me before, but I wanted to look better, and I think I will. But again, we both have to be patient. Lastly, if you are very upset and don't feel you have anyone to talk to, go speak with a counselor at school, who may be able to help you or to help you find someone else, like a therapist to talk to. Also, there may be some therapy groups for teens. You'd be surprised at how many people are feeling just how you are. Please keep me posted.

Check out these sites:

http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/body_image/body_image.html

http://www.takingchargeofmylife.org/

http://www.onyourmind.net/

http://www.teencentral.net/
(Check out the "weight awareness" area)