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                                             The addiction

  Hi, let me begin by saying I am 23 years old and have been addicted to opiates for the better part of 3 and a half years now.  I began using in summer of 2009 and continued the downward spiral for nearly a year and a half.  My habit consisted of oxycontin, oxycodone, and hydrocodone.....basically anything i could find to keep the warm fuzzy feeling alive inside me, eventually this became a 100 plus dollar a day habit.  I have always maintained a job and kept up with all responsibilities but this became increasingly hard to do as i constantly found myself needing more and more of the drugs.  One day when i was in withdrawal my friend gave me a 10 mg methadone pill.  30 minutes later i felt like a human being again yet did not experience any of the buzz i was wanting.  The methadone allowed me to go though that next day without craving oxy and kept me from feeling withdrawals for nearly 48 hours.  When i saw my friend again and told him how i was amazed how long it lasted he suggested i look into the methadone clinic in our town as he and plenty of other people in my situation were attending it. 

                                             The transition

  After about 2 more months of continuing to abuse the oxys and slaving to withdrawals nearly every day of my life I began to seriously consider MMT.  At this point I felt as if I had no choice but to change my life, I was so ashamed of being an addict and had no support around me because I could not bear to tell my family or friends.  ALSO Please note I was extremely skeptical and extremely concerned that MMT was just trading one addiction for a more severe one but finally on January 17th I ate my last roxy 30 and went to sleep, next day I woke up and attended my appointment and began the MMT program.  

                                           The recovery  

 I was very very very very cautious of getting myself up to a huge daily dosage when i began the program so as soon as I found a stable dose (75mg) I stayed on it for the remainder of my time.  In the beginning I felt urges to use oxy but only relapsed two times and after 3 months on methadone I never touched another oxy again and still to this day have not.  Around the 14 month mark of my treatment and after a few months rationalizing with myself that I was now just as dependent on the methadone as i was on illicit drugs before I decided to see the doctor and begin the supervised detox.  We agreed I would come down 5 mg every 2 weeks until i got to 40 and then i would have to see the doctor again to begin the taper down to 0.  The entire taper from 75 to 40 was absolutely PAINLESS and UNNOTICEABLE.  Not once did I feel withdrawal symptoms, nor urges to use other opiates.  I got to 40 mg and remained for about one month before beginning to taper down again.  Once again, the taper was PAINLESS and UNNOTICEABLE.  I could not believe this after hearing people in the clinic talking about how impossible it was to get off of and how terrible the withdrawals were.  These people only further motivated me to complete my treatment.  The taper down continued with no ill results until around 20 mg and even then the only real side effects were my sleep was disrupted but I have always had insomnia and it does not take much to throw me off so I toughed it out and embraced it as part of my recovery.

                                         The Jump Off

I knew that 11/8/12 I would be on 5 mg so I began planning my move so to say.  I decided I would stay on 5 mg for one week and then jump off to 0.  I went ahead and took off 11 days of work and began preparing for what i thought would be the hardest time of my life.  I stocked up on multivitamins, protein shakes, ibuprofen and lots of WATER.  Keep in mind though I was very determined to embrace this battle and take it as it came...  Well Saturday 11 17 i went to the clinic, said my goodbyes to the staff, and got my 2 doses of 5mg.  I decided to not take my sunday dose until monday and then i never looked back.  Today is Sunday 11 25 and I am now at 155 hours (6.5 days) since my last dose.

Day 1  I felt fine, a few aches and pains, small amount of nausea, decreased appetite, and of course fatigued from not being able to sleep well....otherwise GRAVY AND PAINLESS.  I immediately noticed that after I ate dinner I felt amazing (ohhh thats what its like to feel endorphins flowing naturally??)

Day 2  Same story different book, felt like i had a fever when i woke up but made myself get out of bed and walked the dog 1 mile and threw the football around with the neighbors for a few hours.  I was amazed at how good it felt to do something physical even though i was in discomfort (once again the natural release of said endorphins) This day was spend in relative ease until the nighttime where the restless legs and insomnia kicked in.

Day 3 (thanksgiving day) I woke up sore as could be but only due to over exerting myself the day before.  I still felt similar to the previous two days but could feel the symptoms increasing.  I began having yawns and teary eyes, sneezing 8 to 10 times consecutively, goosebumps and cold chills.  I felt well enough to eat thanksgiving with the family and put on the happy face without as much as a question from anyone.Sleep was still not coming though and benadryl would not touch it.

Day 4 Woke up feeling a lil crappy, sweating more that usual, goose bumps, chills, sneezing, yawning, the works....at this point i was so exhausted and delerious from sleeplessness I took 1 mg of xanax and actually SLEPT for 2 hours on 3 or 4 different occasions throughout the afternoon and night

Day 5  I woke up feeling like a million bucks.  Hopped up, took a shower and went about my day as I had a few errands to run.  I made the mistake of drinking a cup of coffee and an energy drink that morning and by 2 pm I was feeling slightly awful but a few sweaty, cold hours i felt better.  AVOID CAFFEINE if you can while detoxing as I believe it enhanced the WD as well as added to the anxiety and high blood pressure i was experiencing.  Actually slept about 4 hours this night

Day 6  I woke up this morning not feeling so hot but I got up took my shower and forced some food down.  As today wore the physical withdrawal symptons have gradually subsided.  I am still extremely fatigued and feel cloudy headed as ever but I am still embracing the battle and winning bit by bit each day. I am not looking forward to bedtime but am absolutely stoked for the new day to come.

Tomorrow will be my 7th day off the methadone and Just knowing that tomorrow is a week without paying 12 dollars a day at that clinic has me so optimistic and hopeful feeling.  I plan to check in with my counselor tomorrow am for a bit of reassurance as i feel just hearing GOOD JOB from someone whos been along for this ride will motivate me even further. 

                 The moral of the story

I know this was long winded but I feel as if i share my story I can help someone else who is in or has been been in a similar situation.  Rather it be someone who wants to take the step to go to MMT or someone looking to take the step to leave MMT you should be optimistic and know IT CAN BE DONE WITH MINIMAL PAIN AND SUFFERING!  Not once in this week of withdrawal have i been in pain....discomfort yes but not pain nor am i suffering.  Its been a long road but i am here now and will never go back and YOU CAN TOO.

Please read this and know that there is a way to beat the methadone, it will take time and YOU have to be ready inside your mind to beat this as noone is going to do it for you. 

Thank you to all who take their time to read this and please remember you can do this PAINLESSLY

sincerly

Gee

 

 

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thank you so much for sharing. It really helps. Gonna let my son read this :)

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How have you been doing gee? I read your story and you give me so much hope that I desperately need right now. Can you please update on how you are doing now? I am so lost and have no one I feel like I can talk to. I had no idea what I was getting myself into 4 years ago with this methadone .
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I am so disgusted with the fact that there are actually "treatments" out there like methadone.  My husband and his mother are both recovering addicts from heroin.  My husband chose suboxone and his mother, methadone.  Neither of these drugs do I consider treatment as they are both now addicted to these other substances.  They are not treatments, only recplacement drugs that have been legalized by our disgusting government because they can regulate them and pharmaceutical companies make a fortune off of them while they destroy people's lives.  

I myself am not an opiate user, in fact any time I have been given pain killers for actual pain, they make me violently ill.  I cannot understand this type of addiction no matter how hard I try.  I feel very sorry for the people who have developed these horrible addictions and then decide to seek out help only to find that they are being given something else that is equally addicting as the pills or heroin they were trying to escape from, and also much harder to detox from and truly be free from this hell.

I am currently trying to help my Mother in Law to taper down her methadone (currently on 200mg per day) safely. It is heartbreaking to watch someone go through this.  My husband however is not quite so bad on the suboxone unless he runs out and we don't have the money to get his Rx.  If withdrawls kick in, it is a nightmare for all of us.

So, how does someone get through this and come out okay on the other end? My opinion is that recovery HAS to be a lifelong process.  It is not something that can be fixed from what I can see, only maintained with a determination to survive.

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I know what u mean by having NO-ONE to talk to about this-as No-one knows that I am a user. I also feel lost and alone, but after this, I know there r many out there who feel like us!

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Please be thankful that your body does not allow u to tolerate drugs-this is a gift from God! Your husband and mother in law should be grateful for u. I have been addicted to it all, to no one's knowledge. Nobody would ever guess that I am a daily user of whatever I can get my hands on. 15 yrs ago, b/4 my addiction started, I was a strong Christian and college student who never talked to drug addicts.
During an extremely stressful time of caring for a loved one b/4 they died I went through severe PTSD. I had 4 wisdom teeth pulled and was prescribed vicodin for pain and the door to addiction was opened. Self medication numbed the emotional and psychological pain of the PTSD as well as keeping the anxiety at bay. However, to be without the drugs is just as bad as the WD's can be just as debilitating.
I am once again going to try to ween myself off this poison and am using much prayer and whatever mental and emotional reserves I have left. I know God is helping me, otherwise I wouldn't even have the desire to try again. However, He can't keep me from suffering, as it was I who embraced these addictions wholeheartedly instead of having the strength and wisdom to refuse it.
As long as your loved ones r willing to cut down, until they can quit-keep holding their hands and supporting them! Pray hard that God will take away the physical and psychological cravings-as this does help-for as long as I am willing to pray! When I stop praying with all my strength, the cravings come back.
Also, keep your loved ones minds and bodies BUSY! The less thought given to the drugs-the less power they have!
Again, your loved ones r lucky to have u, to love them where they r at,
even though they r not where u want them to be!
Wish me luck as I'm going to need it!
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Ive been addicted to oxy/herion for 2 and a half years, before I finally realized that I had a serious problem. I got up too 110 mg/day at my methadone clinic after 6 months, then decided to say f**k it and went down 10mg/a week until 30mg and jumped off clean turkey. Was literally a nightmare everyday but I got through it and now im finally doing the things I use to do. Stay commited theres so much more to life then feeling good for an hour after a hit.

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What a Beautiful and Inspiring story!!!! Because of your account I am sure you have given so much Hope to a lot of people!!
I am so Proud of you and extremely Happy for your bright future.
You are such a Strong person and because of that....the Sky is the limit!!!
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