I cannot figure out why I feel like c**p all the time.
I go through periods where I am extremely tired, my whole body aches, I cannot think straight, I simply cannot function. These happen on an irregular basis. The first I can recall of them started when I was around 12, I spent several days just plainly miserable for no reason, the earliest I could remember truly wanting to be dead. There have been many times where I just wished I could hit a big reset button on life, but I've always backed down because I'm a coward.
I'm 24 now, on the overweight side, despite mountain biking ~100 miles a week and forcing myself to be active. Not particularly attractive, and have never been in a relationship. Unwillingly celibate. I haven't had a steady job in about 6 years either, I continually get fired for being low energy, too quiet, or too awkward.
I have been trying extra hard to be happy, forcing myself to learn to be social, even though it always ends badly I try again rather than locking myself up in my room for weeks. I moved down to the beach for the summer and have been working, and trying to enjoy it out here, but all I can really think about is which building can I jump off of, or walking out in front of a bus, or just taking all the medicine I can and falling asleep. I am quite positive the only thing that has kept me alive is the adrenaline rush I get while doing some form of extreme biking.
I am still semi-young, and do not want to waste anymore time being miserable, I want to get rid of this pain in my chest that is ever there, I really can't stand it anymore. I force myself to get out and do things, but what is the point if I simply don't enjoy them. Nothing seems worth doing, not work, not school, not even leaving my bed.
I have seen a psychiatrist in the past, and he said the root of this was my lack of social interaction, which is why I have been trying so hard. He perscribed me zoloft, but in the end, it did not help at all.
I go through periods where I am extremely tired, my whole body aches, I cannot think straight, I simply cannot function. These happen on an irregular basis. The first I can recall of them started when I was around 12, I spent several days just plainly miserable for no reason, the earliest I could remember truly wanting to be dead. There have been many times where I just wished I could hit a big reset button on life, but I've always backed down because I'm a coward.
I'm 24 now, on the overweight side, despite mountain biking ~100 miles a week and forcing myself to be active. Not particularly attractive, and have never been in a relationship. Unwillingly celibate. I haven't had a steady job in about 6 years either, I continually get fired for being low energy, too quiet, or too awkward.
I have been trying extra hard to be happy, forcing myself to learn to be social, even though it always ends badly I try again rather than locking myself up in my room for weeks. I moved down to the beach for the summer and have been working, and trying to enjoy it out here, but all I can really think about is which building can I jump off of, or walking out in front of a bus, or just taking all the medicine I can and falling asleep. I am quite positive the only thing that has kept me alive is the adrenaline rush I get while doing some form of extreme biking.
I am still semi-young, and do not want to waste anymore time being miserable, I want to get rid of this pain in my chest that is ever there, I really can't stand it anymore. I force myself to get out and do things, but what is the point if I simply don't enjoy them. Nothing seems worth doing, not work, not school, not even leaving my bed.
I have seen a psychiatrist in the past, and he said the root of this was my lack of social interaction, which is why I have been trying so hard. He perscribed me zoloft, but in the end, it did not help at all.
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I agree with your psychiatrist that lack of social interaction may be a major cause of your chronic depression. However, an underactive thyroid can likewise cause the same symptoms. I suggest you get yourself checked by an endocrinologist. I can understand how you feel because I have a loner streak in me too. So I am not going to tell you to try to be sociable, because it is not going to work if you are lacking in the most basic social skills. You did not mention what gender you are, but I am guessing you are male. Here is what you can do to get some girlfriend experience. Go visit a strip club and get a lap dance or two every once in a while. Once the girls get to know you and if they like you enough, they may offer you more than just rubbing their naked bodies against you. Officially speaking, touching is forbidden in a gentlemen's club. However, if the girl likes you enough, the two of you may be able to do some foreplay in the private room, all within the two minutes or so that the dance music usually lasts. Another way to get girlfriend experience is through a prostitute. I do not advocate breaking the law, but you do what you have to do to get some sexual release. You can get some referrals from the strippers (many of whom have, at one time or another, worked as prostitutes) once they get to know you and trust you. Please also visit out "small talks" forum whenever you feel lonesome. There are many others like you whom you can talk to.
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Thanks for the response, but resorting to a strip club or prostitute, or even alcohol are not things that I can do on my conscious. You are not the first to suggest them, but sexual gratification is not what I am looking for. I really would be content with just the love of one person. I may just be too out of touch with society.
I can't do it
I can't do it
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Here is a perfectly legit one. Go get a professional massage with a female massage therapist. Get a feel of what non-sexual touching is all about, from a woman. It will give you a deep sense of relaxation. If you never had massage therapy before in your life, this is something that you don't want to miss. If you live in the United States, you can get a referral from the American Massage Therapy Association (AMTA), or Associated Bodywork and Massage Professionals (ABMP). If you look up the yellow pages, this is usually advertised under "Non-sexual massage". Going rate is $40-60 for one hour. But I have seen rate as low as $25 an hour depending on where you live. Many legit massage therapists also work at the chiropractor's office.
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