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To start this topic let me say, that everyone in the world has a past and most of them have one that they are not proud of. My childhood was less than normal abuse mental, physical, sexual the works. I barely figured out what self worth was a few years ago and I have always looked at myself like I was less than what I am and like my past childhood was always my fault. I know it's not, but in a way I feel like I allowed all the things that have happened to me happen and I could have avoided it all maybe if I would have opened up my mouth and said something but I didn't.

Now, I am 23 yrs old I'm an ex-exotic dancer and I am now in a great relationship with a great guy who treats me with respect and I don't know how I got him. I no longer dance and am basically a house wife except I'm not married and my boyfriend works from home so we spend a lot of time together.

My issue is this: For some reason I wig out I close up and don't speak, become very easily irritated and I don't know why, but I can't control it. I also get in these weird modes where I don't want to do anything or go anywhere I get very depressed and it's very difficult to pull myself out of it.

I also have problems watching movies where someone is molested or raped I usually lose a entire nights sleep over it and I toss and turn all night. Sometimes I also think about my childhood randomly and I go over everything in my head like why did they do this to me and I wish I could do something about it, but cant and I'll toss and turn all night over that too.

Any idea if this is a case of bipolar disorder/depression and if I can do something about it? I am a very happy person I am nonviolent I am very loving and caring, but these moments are difficult for me to get through. I don't think I need consistent medication or anything just maybe something for these moments to help me get through them. I do not however want to be on cloud 9 and have drugs take over my life and make me feel like everything is ok I still want to have feelings you know....

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morsal hi,
i went through your post,n trust me u dont need to take help of medicines..you r very normal,yea your past has affected you alot..one cannot get rid of such past very easyly but we cannot jst lose our hopes dat one day things will be perfectly fine..and you r some kind of lady who s not running bt trying to get over it,i realy appreciate your courage!!!!
n regarding irritability
dear we r females,we have lot of harmone fluctuations,we get sad,depressed,agitated,irritated n a lot more thing in our entire life like premenstrual,post partum,npost menopausal..in your case ur emotions get trigerrd a bit more...i would suggest u to get your self in social recreation kind of work dat makes you feel proud about yourself...find your kefffi means your passion..
take your time,hold on dnt lose yourself,if its difficult blame your harmones and move on :-D ..it works in my case ;-)
keep in touch take care
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