Overweight with sexless marriage

My widowed neighbor lady is 350 Lbs and I'm 175 lbs and we have sex regularly. Its taken time to learn the movements and positions necessary but its very possible. She was married 35 years and she said she hadn't had sex in 25 years, until we hooked up. She has very very big breasts which I'm attracted too, one day she was working in the yard wearing a T-shirt and no bra and the swinging and swaying of her boobs caught my attention. I went over and assisted her with her yard work and that was the start of our great friendship which includes great sex.

I'm a mid-forties male with a similar problem. My wife has gained a great deal of weight over our 25-year marriage, and it's causing me sexual problems. I have struggled for some years to keep doing my husbandly duty, and finally with ongoing weight gain and my own gradually fading testosterone level, I find I really don't want to have sex any more. We were probably having sex about 10 times per year for the last five years or so.

It makes me sad. But, I also understand her challenges. She has both physical and long term emotional difficulties which have contributed to her weight gain.

I don't want to leave the relationship. She's been very supportive of me in times when i struggled, and i just don't think sex is important enough to cancel my marriage over. However i know there is going to be conflict eventually... We'll just have to see how well both of us can cope with this.

My wife deals with a great deal of shame and guilt. She may not be able to handle this. I guess we'll see.

I'm glad someone finally had the balls to say it. Girls always lose weight when hunting for a man. Once they have him, they balloon up.

Just set the standard for yourself that you will eat right most of the time and you won't allow yourself to go over X pounds. Easier said than done for sure because of all the addictive additives food companies put in. I love my wife, but she is also fat and not like when I first met her. She is 32 now. It has only been 20 years and she is still young. People can't control their diet and pay the consequences for it. I absolutely hate the fact that I don't find my beautiful wife sexually attractive anymore. I hate the fact that she chooses comfort food over a good sex life. I know many men out there feel the same way. You have to ask yourself, "Would my husband have dated me if I looked like I do now when we met?" Be honest with yourself. Of course the same stupid politically correct thing to say is that looks don't matter. It irks me when people regurgitate this sh*t just because they have heard it. Anyone knows that appearance matters...bottom line. It's not like wives get into some irreparable accident. This weight gaining thing (in a lot of cases--not all--is by choice). Height in a man matters. How much money he can provide for a family matters. His personality matters. People can keep saying the same politically correct things over and over to help themselves feel better, but that doesn't fix the problem. A woman can leave a man if he rejects her cause she is fat and find another man, but a great number of men are biologically programmed this way and the next man they find is likely to be similar and the problem will just repeat itself. Easiest path is to stay determined to get a nice body. And once achieved, don't turn into a conceited chick that thinks the world owes her. Your self esteem will be better and you will have greater confidence. Your husband will find you way way way more attractive again and so will a lot of other men, which will also aid in your confidence.

c**p, I was supposed to say only 10 years since we met. If I met her 20 years ago, she would have been 12 and I would be like a pedophile...yuck. Sorry

Your wife did not choose chocolate over your marriage. If you really look at the chain of events, your wife was probably sending all sort of signals that she needed something from you that you either did not see, or didn't want to give. Faced with a lifetime of being married to someone who refused to meet her basic needs, she turned to the comfort of chocolate to soothe her momentarily. Make no mistake, for many people chocolate (sugar) is as addictive and harmful as alcohol or drugs. If you love your wife and don't just want a sexy body to lie with, I suggest you look into marriage counseling which can segue into sex therapy if needed. If you don't, then do her a huge favor and divorce here with a decent settlement to start her life over and allow her to find what she needs elsewhere.

Hmmm, or you could say the women on their own without a man to bring them down, feel healthy and alive. Once they are in a relationship with a guy who doesn't satisfy them emotionally or sexually, they eat to compensate. It is so easy to blame one person or another in a relationship, but the truth is generally way more complex than that. Any man or woman out there who has a formerly fit and in shape spouse/partner, instead of focusing on the superficial problem of weight gain, ask yourself why is this person feeling the need to emotionally eat?

I know so many women who say to themselves, "I gained the weight with our first child and can't seem to lose it," as if childbirth causes permanent weight gain. It's not the child causing the weight gain! It's the sleepless nights, the hard work of putting this young child's needs ahead of yours 24/7, and most important, the lack of support from the spouse. Yes, that's right, I'm saying the weight gain (or inability to lose what was gained during pregnancy), comes from lack of support, comfort and appreciation. Women who are having to do all of the work of child-rearing look into their future at 18+ years of this non-supportive environment and they slump with the weight of it. Feeling trapped, they eat.

I have never met an overweight person who overeats to get fat. They eat to fill a void. If you care, ask yourself how and in what ways you can support this person with their issues, or how you may be a part of their issues. If you don't care enough, get out of the relationship and allow that person to move on and find what they need in a relationship more suited to them.

I have diabetes....over weight in a sexless marriage....no sex drive at all. My hbby obviously aint atrracted he doesntvsay but i am tell. How do i get my sex drive bk

No you should be having sex in your 50's. I have the same problem but my husband does not have sex at least with me

I could've wrote this myself

Omg that's horrible! Just fifteen lbs! I would say your husband should be attracted to you reguardless of that. It may not even be the cause. It could be the change of life w having two kids and all that. Maybe he looks at you now more as a mother and less as a sex partner. I don't really know your case but 15 lbs I doubt would or should do that. Lose the weight only if it will help you feel more confident and sexy for yourself. I got to this site wondering if this could be playing into my problem but I've gained more like 50 lbs. I would talk to your husband about the sex or lack there of maybe get some new sex toys or props or lingerie and plan to set aside at least one day a week as a date night if possible.

15lbs?! That is almost nothing. I can only see it being an issue if YOU made it an issue, such as not feeling sexy any longer.
It wouldn't be hard to shed a small gain like that, however if that is his reason, that is absolutely ridiculous.

Married almost 50years and we've been sexless about 45 Years! Reason being any sex with her is like having sex with a tree or nun, she has no emotion, life and she dresses like my grandmother wore. I just gave up with her because she refuses to help herself out. So I worked odd shifts weekends, holidays, I have no respect for someone who refuses there selves.

Hi so i have been engaged for 3 years and he is older than i am and he had gained alot od weight over the last couple of years and he bacame very depressed becaise he was a very fit in shape man. He has gotten over his deep depression but he doent seem intrested ir wamt to have sex and i always and trying to come on to him or even just straight up ask for sex and he says no, or not right now and then when its bed time i try again to have sex and he says he is tired. I feel so frustrated and ugly or unattractive to him because i get denied all thr time for sex. We talk about why he dosent have sex with me and he explains that he just does not like him self and the sex isnt good because the weight gain. I constantly explain that i love him no matter what and sex is very important to our relationship and he says he will try to work on having sex with me.
I dont know if he please's himself or watches porn ect, i just am embarrassed to constantly being turned down so i dont feel sex even when i try to have sex with him. In thr beginning we had sex twice a day everyday and now i would get lucky for once a month. I know he dosent cheat on me bc we are together all the time and even work together, i dont understand how a man can just not have sex with a woman who wants him all the time. Please help me with some advice!

2 things:

First, the answer to your question is yes. Chances are your wife has told you how she feels (either subtlety or straight out) and you either acted like you didn't hear her, played dumb, or told her you would (and didn't) or wouldn't work out. Attraction is biological not a mindset - if you tried to "make" yourself be attracted to someone you thought was unattractive you'd be unsuccessful too. I guarantee if she divorced you you WOULD lose that weight.

Did she ask you to work out and you're 10 or 15 lbs from your goal and you hit a plateau and she's being a jerk? Or Did she ask you to work out and you said no and you're the one being a jerk? Or Are you half-ass working out with minimal results and both of you are somewhat acting like an a$$.

But (secondly), there absolutely IS someone out there who will think you are attractive and will want to be with you just the way you are. You still should try and get in shape for your wife but the world isn't coming to an end.