Overweight with sexless marriage

Hi, same problem here! I am married to a wonderful man. We have twins, a son and a daughter. I love my husband with all my heart, and I know he loves me too, but he is not longer attracted to me. He didn’t tell me that, but it is obvious, because we didn’t have sex for couple of years. I can not pretend that I don’t know why is that. I gained 15 pounds in the last four years. Before that, I was an attractive woman, and my husband was just crazy about me. He was always giving me compliments on my body and appearance. However, I haven’t heard any of these things for a long time. Guess why! It really hurts when you feel so unwanted. I am willing to give my best to lose some weight, because I don’t want to have sexless marriage any more.

Hi, I am haveing a simalir problem. My husband and I have only been married a yr and a half, we are both very young and I think he has lost intrest in me sexually due to my weight gain. I feel sex is a very important part of a healthy relationship. My body has changed dramatically in the past yr. We both love each other very much but I have started feeling unwanted and unattractive. I have gained almost 70lbs in the past yr and a half and my husband is very thin. In the first year of our marrage we made love 2 times... I knew something was wrong..my weight. So I tried losing weight naturally by working out but it turns out and my bones are too weak for regular workouts. For the the past few yrs we have made love in the same postion but after a while love making loses its electricity. Are there any postions that would give us a change but be comfortable for a couple like us? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I have been here myself, but I truly believe that being overweight is no reason for a true, good hearted person to stop loving you in every way. You all deserve better and though some say the grass isn't always greener on the other side, I say one never finds a greener grass without moving around and looking for it. I know some of you are in so much pain because of this and I truly feel for you. Trust me, true love sees more than weight and is not concerned with it for any other reason than health.

To the girl who said she gained 15 lbs, if 15 lbs is really all you've gained, you might want to open your eyes and ears a little more to see if your guy isn't messing around. I have a good sense for that sort of thing and it sounds suspicious to me. Take care of yourself, you deserve more than what it sounds like you're getting.

To the girl right above this post, try something called HydraJoint and a good liquid cap calcium suppliment to help with the pain and weakness. HydraJoint is somthing I discovered recently and it works very well at lubricating the joints. You can find it at Walmart. Here's their website:

hydrajoint.com/hydrajoint2/default.asp

Hi I to have been married a long time 27 years and am overweight about 40 pounds I try really hard but it doens tcome off, I wear makeup and fix my hair, seeing I own a salon! it just seems like nothing matters to my husband? he seems nice most of the time but never seems turned on?. its been about a year now without anyyyy kind of sex. he says its because Im not nice, just an excuse I am nice!!! I do extra things for him and more he doesnt see that??, poor excuse I say.. do you think he has someone else in mind at his work??? he always comes home though but once before I noticed a girl that used to work there had the hots for him this made him nervous everytime we were together to see her christmas partys etc.. I accused him and he totally denied it to this day I dont really know the truth?. so I let it blow over.. someone help?? :cry:

I would like to make a general reply that there are plenty of men that do not mind their spouse's weight - you deserve all the respect and attention if you at least try to be neat and attractive regardless of some weight gain. Women/Wives need to be respected and treated better than this, and as a man my situation is the opposite from the desire problems here.
A suggestion is for him to focus on some part or feature of you that is positive/exciting and go from there. There is something we can all be attracted to in others if we take the time to see it.

The real question here is, "Is the fact of a partner's...um, girth...enough basis on which to reject them?" The most realistic, compassionate, I-love-you-no-matter-what answer would be an emphatic "No." MY answer? "YES!" I believe sex is for the attractive (culturally speaking); then again, I believe having children is for rich people.... :-S

Women, understand that sex and love are different. Sex is taste. You love food, but maybe too much salt spoils it for you. Fat spoils sex for most men, at least for me. If you INSIST on putting too much salt on my food, I will not "learn to like it" because I love you. I will stop eating it. And maybe eat elsewhere.

It is YOUR CHOICE what to eat every day. Stop playing helpless and victim, and understand that you choose food over sex every single day.

Your husband may not have made that choice, but he is there with no appetite, wishing for the woman he married.

sex is different, it should be spontaneous, it is about appetite, not a "decision".

Love? I love my wife, but her preference for chocolate over a sexy body took one of the best aspects of our marriage away. I consider our marriage at risk now. I am not going to "fake" desire. I love her, deeply, but I am looking at the next 30 years without sex, or sex with someone I am not only not attracted to, but turned OFF. Repulsed, like a milkshake with salt instead of sugar.

If we talk about it, I am in as****e, but I did not throw our sex life under a bus for some comfort food. I just live with it, in quiet desperation and sadness.

I am also in a sort of a sexless marriage at the moment because we recently had a kid and she doesn't want to use birthcontrol. I understand your feelings. I have an incrediably high drive. If you want to chat about this, email me thru YA.

I think we can lean on each other.

ll: Hey, It may not be about the weight. My husband suffers from diabetes and cellulitus and sex is not priority. We are best freinds and love each other very much. I think you may want to address any other issues the two of you may have. Those issues lead directly to the bedroom. Hope I helped in some ways. I practice alternative medicine. 8-|

If I want doggy style, she says it makes her feel like a cow. Can't remember the last time she (on her own) reached over and grab me, caressed me. We are both in our fifties. I love sex. she feels that bells and whistles should be going off all the time. well, a man needs stimulus. something more then once a month and "ok, put it in and finish". Yes, I love her with all my heart. but sex is sex. why not enjoy it.

Get tired of masturbating all the time.

Guess I am just an old pervert. (yeah right)...

Been married 14 1/2 yrs. For many of those years I was 120-125 lbs. As I approached my late 30's I started putting on some weight. After i gained 15 lbs., my husband told me I needed to lose some weight. I NEVER thought I'd hear that out of anyone's mouth - least of all my husband. My boss was emotionally and mentally abusive and now my husband was insulting me. My self esteem and confidence plummeted. That turned him off even more. I wouldn't eat in front of him and began trying bulemia - binge eating and purging behind his back. I continued to gain weight. I was working a ton of hours. I kept my appearance up very well. I even had other guys hitting on me - but I didn't want them - I wanted my husband. My husband claimed to love me, but I was constantly being turned down for intimacy and sex. i would find excuses to not be with me or spend time with me (ie: pick a fight, too tired, stomach ache, ate too much/too full).

I've put on more weight over the years. My doctors (whom I've cried to about it) have said, "it's a normal part of aging" and put me on anti-depressants - which by the way have a side effect of weight gain. I've changed jobs - although I'm still working a ton of hours. I've drug him into marriage counseling. I bought his/hers KY jelly for Valentine's Day - and it remains unopened. He says he loves me, we get along really well... as roommates. i get quick kisses here and there. But I'm lucky to get sex once a month - always on a Saturday night between 10:30 and 11:30p, which I have hated for years.

I've tried to talk to him about this for years. He says he's happy in the marriage. The big elephant in the room is my weight. I am now a size 10 (155 lbs). Did he think I was going to look 20-something forever? I get other guys who are interested in me. I've thought about having an affair. But i don't want to. If the intimacy and sex were back in my marriage we'd have a near perfect marriage.

If I lose the weight, there's no guarantee that i can keep it off. And I know I'd be freaking out about every single pound i would gain. And who's to say that if i lose the weight, my husband would suddenly be interested again? I don't know what to do...

Hi,


To all those trapped in a sexless marriage I feel for you. I think there is a distinction between love and lust. You can genuinely love your spouse but find them sexually unattractive for what ever reason. Mine is, my wife is a tall 6ft. brunette, not your everyday beauty, but an attractive woman with Eastern European ancestry.I look at photos of her taken 15+ years ago and realise how attractive she was. Now its not her age, but the fact she has ballooned out by at least 90pounds. She is obese, I look at her and cry,what happened.Everyone ages and that's not the problem,heck I've aged and gained maybe 15 pounds over the last 15 years. I know it, I don't mind a little fat as one gets older but this is too much.Hence I still love my wife, but don't see her as sexually attractive right now.The sex stopped 16 years ago as she kept gaining weight and that was it. She could look exciting again with weight loss, and boy would I tell her how good she looked if that happened.I don't expect her to reduce to her marriage weight of 128pounds but,anyhere around 135-145 she would look sexy again.

(p.s.I always felt lucky she married me. because I felt that Iam just average looking guy)

i want to be attracted to my husband but his weight is a problem. i pretend it isn't and try to get him to take walks with me or help do yard work but he refuses.  i got rid of all the unhealthy foods in the house so now he just buys them outside of the house. he's over 250 and i weigh 115 that's 10 pounds less than i did i high school. i think his weight plays a role in him being lazy which is also unattractive. i want sex i just cant do it with man boobs. a set of ripped abs makes my mouth water like hot fries do for him. if he doesn't stop buying fast food  and start slimming down, i'm gonna find my thrills outside of the house as well.

I have been dealing with this issue for most of my marriage. My husband balloooned up to nearly 300 lbs before I said anything. When I did, he did not take it well and lets just say, he made some really poor choices that almost ruined our marriage. We went to counseling and worked things out. I must admit, the only reason I did is because we have children and I did not want to break up the home. He promised me he would lose weight. That was 8 years ago since I first told him and 4 years since the counseling. He lost it once and actually looked great. Our marriage improved 100%. We were actually the happiest we had been in 17 years. But it didn't last. He gained it back and it's climbing. I no longer wish to have sex with him and I am so disappointed. I now have regrets that I didn't leave. The weight loss just doesn't take priority. I have always been fit and managed to stay in shape, even after 3 babies. I know weight loss is hard and takes commitment, but if you don't care it's just not going to happen. he complains that I don't give him attention or show affection for him anymore, but I just don't have it in me. How can I? Being over weight is like a spouse with a drug addition, or a smoker or a gambler. It's damaging to you health and marriage. For those of you who disagree, imagine if your spouse stopped bathing and brushing their teeth. Would you want sex? Imagine them having any other type of addiction, would you still find them appealing?
I am at a loss. I don't wish to give up but I feel hopeless and I  now I only wish I left years ago. I feel like things will never change and I am chasing a false hope. I am in a sexless marriage and unhappy and it's really depressing.