Men & wifes sex life

Dear No.One

Not all men are like the ones you describe. I do try to satisfy my wife so that she has the sensations she needs. Indeed, it is the responsibility of each spouse to do their best to meet the sexual needs of the other.

"I would like to know why dont men pamper there wifes in there sex lifes, as in massage them comfort them?" It is sometimes education, and sometimes conditioning. Some men have been taught that gentleness and comfort is not manly. Some have been taught that their penis is the woman-satisfier. Some have been affected by porn, where I understand that the appearance is that the women get satisfied quickly and easily by the man's simple efforts, and the men rarely show genuine affection. Some men think that all women respond alike, and may have been affected by previous sexual experiences, where the sort of attention you crave is spurned. Some men are selfish, and some do not know what to do.

"My own exeriance my husband rarelly does that, but when he has intercorse with me he does saticfie me" If he satisfies you that is good. Many would envy you that experience "and thats it" If you have been satisfied, he feels he has done his part. "he doesnt make me have the sensation and the feeling that I want to have" But you say "he does saticfie me", whereas it seems in reality he does not. You may be giving mixed messages. Does he realise what you "want to have"? Have you explained to him your needs, and how they differ from his?

"maybe its because we have 3 kids and we dont have much time" That is often a dampener, but time needs to be scheduled in. Try setting aside "marriage time" in your diaries that is almost inviolable. That means that generally nothing is allowed to impact on that time except by mutual agreement (usually in an emergency) and without immediate rearranging (a postponement, not a cancellation). Take a break for an evening in a hotel/motel/room-for-the-night-place, and arrange a 'child-minder'.

"My friend ... wears sexy night wear and fixes her hair and put a little makeup on" Sounds almost like OTT effort to create an effect. "he replys to her 'why are you wearing this there is no need' " She knows what she is trying to achieve, but he doesn't. He thinks that she believes she needs to do that to be attractive to him. And he find her attractive as she is. Also, he might (or might not) think she is acting inappropriately - sluttishly (although some men would find this appealing). She needs to communicate verbally, unequivocally and directly what she wants. "she is shore that her husband is faithfull", and he probably is!

"Her husband doesn't speak of there love life at all rarely speaks about anything" Some men find it difficult to express their feelings (so do some women!). Some have been brought up that way. Some have had their feelings ridiculed. She will have to take the initiative. She must explain (when he is listening - when she has his full attention) what her needs are. Then practically start the love-making process herself, and progress it the way she wants. She mustn't neglect his needs, but rather lead him to respond to her. This can be done by moving his hands to where she wants them to be, and responding very evidently and vocally.

"My main question here is what should we do or how do we make men change?" Communication, Care, Communication (not complaining). Perhaps show him how you like to be touched by demonstrating on yourself.

"What makes men click or make them hot or is there a switch that has on/off?" Appreciation expressed is a must. Showing you really love him and need that love reciprocated physically. Nagging is certainly the 'off' switch! But men are not all the same (just as women are not). The Bible uses the verb "to know" regarding a sexual encounter (Adam knew his wife Eve and she conceived). It is sometimes thought of as a quaint and old-fashioned (maybe euphemistic) way of writing. But you have to thoroughly know your spouse as an individual. I think that is a key.

"Sex is the most important part in a marriage" It should be a "most important part in a marriage" - certainly. But "the most important part" puts sex above the inter-personal relationship, and can become an obsession. But marriage is definitely a sexual relationship which many under-estimate. It is usually the men who are heard complaining about their wives' disinterest, and it may be that this has had its impact.

"I want to know how to make the best of it" Whole books have been written on the subject! But I hope I have given some clues that prove to be helpful.

Let me know how you get on.

That's a strange name no.one, what made you choose that? 1) I don't have an answer for how to make him change other than just keep telling him what you like. 2) I think Dr.Oz said it best when he was asked about foreplay. He said for a woman it was being touched ---- anywhere and everywhere on her body. For a man it was having his penis touched or thinking about having his penis touched. So you girls have it made while us guys kind of got the short end. But that works great for me because I can get you going by doing almost anything to you. But I have to say I love being touched lovingly by a female, which is exactly what my wife won't do. She says that having sex with her is all I need. Coming inside her should be all I need. She never stops me when I begin touching her though and she seems to enjoy me doing oral on her and making her come as many times as I can or until she gets sore. I would love to have her just reach over and hold my testicles and penis while we are in bed and maybe start something or just hold me there. Having her get me up and then get on me would be the ultimate pleasure for me. Pulling my foreskin back and caressing my whole penis would be great if I could get her to. So anyway those are a few of my thoughts and some things that would do it for me.