Overweight with sexless marriage

Yeah probably, but he doesn't want anyone else so...and did you just assume my gender??

Glad you are such a person with feelings, am with someone, and miss that intimacy. And not sure how to sort. Suppose, would not find it to initiate discussions about various sexual positions. Am not a prude, but my man is a very private person, and not quite sure how to get an honest response. He just says we will work things out, but nothing changes.. Love person, I am with so, much. He is so good in many ways, but my weight, is something he cannot come to terms with . Am losing weight, but not fast enough. On waiting list for Gastric bypass, but would be great if could avoid that.

With you there.

My situation exactly. My wife was never skinny, 5' 6" and 135. Sex life was great even after we quit smoking 15 years ago and gained about 20 lbs. Then I can only assume she quit caring about how she looked about 5 years ago. She's now grossly obese at 240 and I am completely turned off. I was about 155 and am now about 180, so I've put on weight, sure, but I'm far from grossly obese and I try to eat right and I do most of the cooking. She eats the healthy foods... 2 or 3 helpings. I comment, I get my head bit off. She goes to work, burgers and fries. She claims depression now... 5 years of therapy and drugs, no change. Now she wants to have sex again (we haven't for 3-4 years now). I can't even pretend to like the thought of it. I don't want to give up, but I never expected my sex life to be over at 52 either. I love her and I can live without the sex, but I can't handle being tortured by her wants that I can't reciprocate. Just not happy...

I just stumbled on to this post today. I put sexless marriage into the search engine and found it. I too am in one. Been married for 18 years. Haven't had sex in almost 4 years. Before that, it was once a quarter maybe. I am OVER the excuses. Heard everyone of them. I have always been good to her. I am average male 6'0, 200 lbs. Can't work out that much due to covid. Anyway, I am pretty much done! Tired of asking for sex and getting denied. She always has an excuse and gets pissy whenever I want to discuss her not having a sex drive. Years ago, I blamed myself. I tried to correct everything and do more to try and relieve her stress and make her more relaxed. Still nothing. What it comes down to is her not wanting to make a change and even make any effort to get to the root of the problem. She had packed on the pounds in the last year. She cant blame kids on it because it's been 11 years since she gave birth. I feel she is just self centered and never wants to put any effort into solving a problem. Her actions show that she believes that by ignoring the problem, it will just go away. Anyway, I no longer blame myself and lately, I no longer give a f*ck. I am done being rejected and just masturbate to porn because it really relieves my stress. I don't feel that I am a sex crazed pervert in the least bit either.

You ARE an as***e. Imagine thinking you are so amazing that your wife should forgo all other pleasures in life (including chocolate) for the chance to have sex with you.

You sound controlling and manipulative, and have no idea what it means to love someone besides yourself.

15 pounds is nothing. My wife gained 100 pounds. She insists that she is still beautiful at 230lbs. She was 130 when we got married.

Lol leave her with a decent settlement. You are incredibly entitled.

What everyone here should probably do, is, figure out what in life caused them to be so shallow as to get upset their spouse added a whopping 15 Flippin' pounds. If it's out of a genuine concern for your partner than you're fine. If it's about your selfish desire, here's me, playing "My heart bleeds for you" on the world's smallest violin.

Damn bro I'm an as****e as well. But when I got married (entered into contract with person a) if they substantially change, like become both of these of 2 people in one. Who is in breach. But the truth will set you free. If she leves me and losses the weight and finds another guy, then great that a victory for me because I enabled her to make herself better. I'll make it. Even at 40 I'm shredded like a 24 year old.

I don't want to have sex with my wife. Immediately after getting married, she started gaining weight. At one point she was 90 pounds higher than when we married. She does not shower for days and days. She stopped working out after the wedding. I work out every day. I weigh 10 pounds less than when we married. I shower daily. Why is it that I am the only one in our relationship that feels a sense of obligation to maintain my appearance and not "let yourself go"? Fortunately, she show no interest in sex and considers herself to be a prude and proud of it. For her, foreplay is saying "Here I am!" I'm not saying the fault is all hers, but I am not good at faking attraction especially knowing that she has not shower for a long time. Thanks for letting me vent.

Wow...it's called women have an extra layer of fat and aren't meant to be super skinny. Also our hormones gonout of wack from having kids during periods menopause which makes it hard to lose weight no matter how hard we exercise or what we eat. I bet ifnyou put in weight tounwoukdnt be ok with your woman not wanting you bc of it

It's way harder for a woman to lose weight than a man due to our hormones and extra fat layer.

To the triggered guest, obesity is a disfigureing and deadly addiction to food combined with a lack of discipline and laziness and as a fellow obese person I'm tired of people making excuses. I've been working hard to eat right and exercise and you are completely wrong about the selfishness of the obese spouse.

If I choose a hamburger over my wife's happiness that's on me. If I don't lead a healthy lifestyle I make them a caregiver and take away thier sexuality.

My obesity hurts my love ones and myself , it's self destructive behavior and your excuses are lame .

I’ve been married 63 years & about 4 years ago my wife decided to not have sex with me as punishment.
I’ve gone from 228 to 278 & 5’11, I’ve tried to talk to her to no avail.
During sex she was less tha complementary of my efforts .
We sleep separately , I’ve tried, gifts, attention, she declines dinner & entertainment dates unless our children or others are present.
I’ve tried flowers , romantic conversation , sexy text & after 63 years of marriage she just tells me she’ll think about it.
I’ve never been disloyal , provided a well above economic life style.
In looking back & after four children , the cleaning, the dogs, grandchildren, children issues are her only interest.
Her retort to me is she wished I would do more around the home even though we afford all the help .
She is lost in the stuff of life and her endless cleaning & organization.

I feel like I just don’t measure up.
She tells me she would like a thinner man.
When I lose twenty pounds she says good direction but no sex.
After all these years I find her very desirable as she’s the best preserved 81 year old I’ve ever seen.