YOU ARE NOT PATHETIC! Stuff happens, but it is up to you to change them.
Well.....Addiction isn't good. You said you considered rehab? That would be the best choice in my opinion. Getting clean will TOTALLY MAKE YOU CRAZY, but will help you live a stronger and happier life. OF course you are happy and bubbly when you are high, YOUR DRUGGED and your mind doesn't think clearly!
Also, do you want to life? Drugs like pain killers can make over dose very easily. Please don't take more than needed, that also goes for the fact that you have no pain. Your pain isn't physical my dear, IT IS MENTAL. Going to therapy for your broken, and suicidal heart would do you good. Thinking that pain killers makes your life better is an illusion, it is a dream, and not realistic. The world is hard, but being silver of drugs will be best.
Have you ever heard this saying: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger? DRUGS CAN KILL, AND NOT USING THEM WILL MAKE YOU STRONGER!
p.s. I love HAWAII! I went snorkeling there! lol
It is important to note that there is a difference between being dependent on narcotics and being addicted. Many patients can become dependent even in a relatively short postoperative course of narcotic medications. In such cases, withdrawal symptoms are to be expected, but the vast majority of patients can tolerate the withdrawal symptoms if they know that it is normal and not dangerous to feel anxious, flushed, etc. as the body withdraws from the pain medication. A few patients may need a medication such as clonidine, which helps block the sympathetic overdrive that makes them feel these symptoms. In these shorter lived problems, the symptoms should resolve in days and not weeks. These patients also need to know that they are not addicted but have only become dependent on the drugs. However, for patients who are addicted to narcotic pain medications, a detoxification program is often needed.