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I had an abortion almost six months ago. (I would actually just be getting ready to have the baby around now.) It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I came so close to just walking out. People say that abortion is selfish, but really it isn't. It would have been so easy to just keep it. I loved that baby. I loved the way it felt being pregnant. But I knew I couldn't keep it.  My b/f at the time was dead set against the abortion so I didn't tell him, and my best friend was away on vacation so I went alone. It was like a factory the way they hustled girls in and out, although everyone was pretty nice. I remember sitting in that chair alone just staying focused on staying there. I just wanted to get out of there and keep my baby. My b/f at the time though had no job and I couldn't bring myself to ask my parents for help raising MY baby. I don't think you should have a baby unless YOU and the dad can take care of it. I really wasn't in a position to do that and my b/f sure as hell wasn't (We're no longer together and he's in jail now if that gives any indication), he wasn't the right guy for me at all. Anyway, they gave me a shot in the hip/butt area to stop cell division and some pills to stick up my vagina a week later. It was a really drawn out process and if I had to do it again I would get the surgical one. About a day after the shot though I stopped "feeling pregnant" I was no longer tired and starving/nauseous. Then I had to wait a whole week to take the pills. Sticking them inside me was sorta gross, but I did it. About four hours later I started bleeding. I laid on the couch and watched TV. They gave me prescription pain pills and they helped take the edge off. You can't take medicine that's actually going to "stop"  the cramps because your uterus won't empty, only these codeine pills. It was cramping like a period, with moments that were kinda intense. The first night was the worst. I had one really bad night about two days later that felt like I had to poop and the next morning a really big clot came out. And that was it. And it was over. Having someone with you helps. The emotional pain was worse then the physical. I think about it all the time. I miss my baby, but it's what I had to do.

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What would you prefer, having the kid and going on jail visits to see dad?? Sometimes the better option is not the easiest. At least if you come to have kids in the future you will do it right. So much rough families growing up from situations you were in. kids with no direction. Stay strong.
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