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I had abortion few years ago and from talking to other women who experienced this it looks to me that we are reacted differently in emotional sense, from grief to relief. If we all had same hormonal change and did same thing how it is possible that we are not think same about it?

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That is why each woman is unique. They experience a range of emotions after an abortion and relief and sadness, and happiness and feelings of loss. Understanding your emotions can help you begin to let go of it, so it is important to recognize your feelings and to take good care of yourself if you are experiencing difficulty. It is not only hormonal change that affects you, there is type of support that you receive or don’t.
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True!

I had relief after my abortion, COMPLETE relief, and no regrets. It was because I wanted an abortion, and noone pressured or coerced me into doing it. I always knew that if I became pregnant when I did not want to, abortion was for me.

EACH woman is unique, and her feelings are 100% OK and VALID!

If you are feeling grief, please talk to us more, or IM ME =)

I want to help you find peace and comfort.
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I understand that this is an old thread, but I feel I should contribute my story. This is going to be a bit wordy... be warned.

In January '07 I gave birth to a very beautiful and VERY unexpected daughter after having been diagnosed with primary nonspecific infertility for a number of years. DH and I failed to use contraception on only a few occasions, and as a result, discovered in October '07 we were pregnant again. I had exposure to chemo drugs at work including, but not limited to radiation seeds on more than one instance. After deliberation, but without consultation, we decided an abortion would be the most appropriate response.

I addressed the issue logically, from a medical professional's standpoint. The teratogenic exposure was very real and repeated many, many times. However, I not once took into account the emotional perspective that accompanies such a heavily weighed decision.

In the first week of November I had the procedure with conscious sedation. For those who are not aware of what this includes, it is a combination of three drugs that cause a person to be heavily sedated but is either easily reversed or effects diminish rapidly.

Even though I had the sedation, I can still remember the sound and pang of pain.

Immediately after the procedure was completed I can remember looking over to a stand in the corner of the room with specimen containers on top. I was able to identify the exact container because of the size of tissue in the canister. There wasn't much, but I felt sick.

I was escorted to a recovery room with other women. We were given water and crackers, and for those of us that were crying, tissues.

There were mixed expressions when I looked around the room. Some did look relieved, others looked devastated, yet others had no sign of emotion, whatsoever. There is no right or wrong way to feel after an abortion.

The tricky part is this, being aware of potential depression that can, and does, occur in some women. I know, I am one of them.

I remember feeling empty. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, I became very clingy of my daughter, and resentful of my husband.... I still haven't gained back that respect. It sounds silly, but he was very matter of fact about the situation, and still is. It doesn't bother him at all. All he worried about was the cost... and that's still all he talks about in conjunction with the depression that followed the abortion.

If you suspect you may be developing depression, call your physician immediately. This is a very real situation that can also cause Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in some people. All can be treated, but it is imperative to address the issue as early as possible.

There are also many support groups throughout the country if you chose to abort both prior to and post abortion.

I hope this tidbit enlightens all that read a bit more into the mind of the abortion-choosing woman from one perspective.
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I just read your message, and it is my story, just two days ago. I have a son, and actually find it hard right now to be close to even him. My b/f, and sons father doesnt care about the fact that I am sad. I shouldnt beso emotional. But I am.
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Guest,

Why do you feel that you shouldnt be so emotional? That is VERY normal, when you are mourning the loss of life. There are some that truly do not understand what you are going through.

Can I be honest with you? Your boyfriend does not sound like a very compassionate person. Perhaps this might be a good time to rethink being with him, no offense , just a thought.

I think the emotions you are feeling are what I would expect EVERY woman to feel. You need time to grieve the loss of life that you experienced.



Hizgrace
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I read your message and I feel that it is good to let things be and cry or feel emotional because it is all a process. I had an abortion a week ago and do not feel like myself. I find myself crying a lot, and not acting like myself. I dont know if my reaction is normal. my bf and I decided not to speak about it after it happened but lately i have been insecure, sad and crying. I dont want to tell him b/c we both promised on another it is something we had done and had to keep moving. That is usually my outlook, I am strong and keep things moving even if life gets hard but since the abortion I cant seem to get back to me. :-(
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i had an abortion 3 days ago & the emotional pain is still ridiculously strong. my pregnancy was unexpected because i've always had irregular periods. when i found out my initial reaction was panic. of course i would want an abortion. no doubts about it. but i started to become attached by looking at pictures of fetus's & noticing how my belly was changing.

when i went in for the abortion, my boyfriend was unable to come with me so i had a friend instead. i honestly think that if i hadn't had someone there to tell me i was doing the logical thing, i would have walked out. the hardest part of it all was seeing the ultrasound (i actually kept a picture). i was 9 weeks. i was going to do it with conscious sedation, but since i've never given birth before, the doctor put me to sleep to ease the pain. as soon as i woke up i cried. i felt hollow & an extreme loss. i had gotten used to knowing that i had life within me. now i feel i'm missing a part of myself.

after my boyfriend had picked me up from the clinic, he didn't know how to react. sometimes men do that. he didn't know how to comfort me, & he thought that i needed space. that was the last thing i needed. i wanted to feel human contact & i wanted to speak of my experience. since i hadnt been able to do that, my sorrow turned into anger towards him. yesterday we finally talked & he finally gave me what i needed. he hugged me for hours as i cried.

don't get me wrong, though, I am completely ProChoice. but I think that you have to be really ready for abortion. I believe that what hurts me the most is that i didn't really want to have an abortion, but i needed to because I'm still in college, working part-time & i knew i was unable to sustain a child. & what kills me the most is that it was my first pregnancy, my first child. This is most deff. my one & only abortion. The next one is mine.

sorry to have rambled. it's just that the experience & the wound is still so fresh. I feel the more i speak of it and let it out, the more it settles in. thanks.
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I had an abortion nearly 4 weeks ago and am frightend at how angry and emotional I have become. I had only been with my partner for 1 month when we found out I was pregnant. He is 41, me 37. We do want a future together and both agreed it was not the right timing as we do not live together nor experienced any life as a couple and agreed we would re visit this avenue next year when we are more settled. I know I want a future with this man however, deep down I did want to keep the baby especially given I was 37 and it was the first time I fell pregnant. I feel that because he did not want the baby, he does not want me and now have feelings of regret, angry at myself for not keeping the baby and very angry with my partner.

We are not on the verge of breaking up as I am no longer fun to be around, he does not understand the emotional side of it whatsoever and I have become irrational and fly off the handle over the smallest things. I am even more angry that I am left with the regret of not keeping the baby, my mind is all over the place, feelings of sadness and losing my partner as I'm pushing him away.

I am not coping at all and its frustrating as I am normally a fun, balanced person and this has completely turned my life upside down. I can only hope it will get better. I can only go off my experience but for those who are considering an abortion and are my age, don't do it.
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I had an abortion nearly 4 weeks ago and am frightend at how angry and emotional I have become. I had only been with my partner for 1 month when we found out I was pregnant. He is 41, me 37. We do want a future together and both agreed it was not the right timing as we do not live together nor experienced any life as a couple and agreed we would re visit this avenue next year when we are more settled. I know I want a future with this man however, deep down I did want to keep the baby especially given I was 37 and it was the first time I fell pregnant. I feel that because he did not want the baby, he does not want me and now have feelings of regret, angry at myself for not keeping the baby and very angry with my partner.

We are not on the verge of breaking up as I am no longer fun to be around, he does not understand the emotional side of it whatsoever and I have become irrational and fly off the handle over the smallest things. I am even more angry that I am left with the regret of not keeping the baby, my mind is all over the place, feelings of sadness and losing my partner as I'm pushing him away.

I am not coping at all and its frustrating as I am normally a fun, balanced person and this has completely turned my life upside down. I can only hope it will get better but am worried how much longer I will have these feelings floating around. I don't want to lose my partner but a lot of damage has been done.

I can only go off my experience but for those who are considering an abortion and are my age, don't do it.
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I think you really hit the nail on the head right there.



I have had such a long story concerning fertility, infertility, motherhood and loss, I feel like I've seen so many angle and can share.



SWEET SIXTEEN.

When I was 16 I got pregnant for the first time. My Dad was in Navy and we were 2 weeks away from being stationed somewhere else. I gave myself 1 week to decide, and 1 week to prepare or act, depending on my decision. I went with terminating the pregnancy. I still think it was the "logical" choice, but deep down I regretted it for YEARS. It really messed me up. Back then I really REALLY needed someone to talk to me on more than a superficial level about the whole process and what I was to expect from it. But that was 1986.



THIRTIES.

I went through a period of self-destruction that lasted until I was 19. By the time I was finally in my 30's, I contacted my old high school boyfriend and found closure. In the meantime, I couldn't have kids and had one failed marriage behind me. The closer I found was crucial to really moving on in my life. But like I said, I couldn't have kids, so I was told by two specialists, and that had everthing worse.



MADE MY PEACE.

Eventually I went back to school to get my college degree, had this huge turning point in my life and had found peace - after a long time in therapy I wanted and needed - with *not* having kids ever and was going gung-ho for my PhD, but was only at the AA level. I was, for the first time since I don’t know how long, really together and powerful like a locomotive. I had finally fallen in love with Plan B.



PLAN…C?!

I met a wonderful man, but wasn't interested in dating, still he hung around "waiting for me" he said. We dated, eventually fell completely in love, and one month after my graduation for my Associate's degree I found out I had gotten pregnant ---totally naturally!!! For two days I could barely speak, and we were in shock.

But, I admit, I was terrified. It had taken me so long to recover from when I was 16, and then the tormented years of struggling infertility and sadness, and the eventual destruction of my first marriage because of it, I had found the peace that had eluded me for nearly 20 decades. Honestly, I started to consider abortion. I felt like God had meant through the years that I just one of those who wasn’t meant to have kids. I had myself convinced.



The OPTION IS GREAT.

I’m SO glad I had the option! I went to the clinic, and they were showing a video of the procedure --- seeing that I knew I couldn’t go through with it and said, “Let’s leave! I can’t do this, I don’t want to do this. It feels wrong.” He was supportive of that too, and we left. And within 2 days I found peace again, that I wanted this child, and I was sure. But, had I not had the choice right there in front of me, the hones option, I would probably never have been so sure she was mine. So I am grateful.



I’M 40, I’M DONE…and I’M PREGNANT?! WTH

After three saddening losses/miscarriages after the birth of our wonderful daughter, I finally decided I was done with the whole story. Done!!! I am 40 years old (near 41) and I really do want to finish going back to school. Maybe not for my PhD, but certainly a Masters. I went to my OB/GYN to talk about getting on birth Control, tubal ligation, etc., or should I be trying for that one last kid with genetic screening and in-vitro? But basically I knew where I stood, I knew it was over for me and I was ready to move on.



My OB/GYN found a thyroid problem, gave me a bunch of medicine that spiraled out of control for me and with all the madness, anxiety and night terrors, the birth control got put on the back burner. I was so bad off, I had been offered a job this year (!!! In this economy!!!) and couldn’t take it because I was so physically unwell.



And then, I found out I was pregnant.



I fell headlong into a mini-depression, my hubby mystified as to why I wasn’t more overjoyed at this incredible news! But for weeks, I tried everything in my power to reason it, to come up with solutions how we could afford this baby on our under 35k a year income, my depression which I couldn’t take any medication for, my anxiety/panic problems I couldn’t take anything for….no family, and no friends. Since the very month we moved to this town I have had one pregnancy loss after another….I had no way of making new friends. I felt so alone and desperate though inside a loving marriage and family.



I sought a therapist. I found a new OB I liked. I talked with my general practitioner. I spoke with my Mom and a very few others I’d known (who lived far away). Finally, my time was up and I had to make a decision or let indecision be my decision.



I had the abortion yesterday. I know I was not 100% for having the abortion, but I also know completely I was never even close to 50% for going through with having another child. While I completely hated the procedure itself, and being stuck between 2 choices where neither of them were good, I feel whole again, like the singularity I wanted to be. But let me tell you, no one forced me, and had I had another week to think about it I might have taken it (!), but I waited until the last possible week and I shouldn’t have. The farther along you are in the pregnancy, the more painful the procedure and the more risk you take on hemmoragging. I am glad it's over and I can start living again.



MY FINAL WORDS ARE THIS:

The emotional turmoil you have after an abortion you weren’t ready for is NOT something that goes away on its own, and it’s something you need to address. You will sooner or later. If you are depressed about it, you must seek a therapist and support, you must grieve, you must find acceptance or the self-forgiveness so you can move on. DO what you HAVE TO DO to get the closure you so desperately need. Do it, take care of yourself.



I think there should be more information for women who prepare to go through the procedure to educate them on the inevitable hormonal fallout after termination. Even women who have pregnancies that go to term and have babies, ¼ have some form of post-partum depressive symptoms. Some fallout has to be expected, it’s normal. This is always an emotional time, and a period of adjustment physically. More than a weekend!



Also, seriously, why does any woman have to be awake for such a procedure? I don’t care if it is an outpatient procedure physically, this is huge and it’s painful. I should not have had to endure what I did during either abortion, 16 or 40.



Finally, every woman's story is going to be different and the reasons why we did it. Finding your peace is not only possible, but probable, a certainty, but it means work. I did my work this time in advance, but was almost 15 weeks when I terminated. While there are no real upsides to abortive topics, there is peace to be found..

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I recently had an abortion, almost a month ago to be exact. I am only 27 years old and not in financial or emotional/mental place for a child. Not to mention, that my long time friend who turned into my boyfriend, we were only dating eachother for maybe a month before I became pregnant on a very foolish mistake of going with out a condom. Only takes one time (I am not going back on BC).

Anyways to get to the point. Abortion was my first choice as I said, I am not in the place for a child, and my partner has stated more than once that he does not want children. I feel if I was in a more stable and grown relation and with a partner I could trust who would be there, whether we stayed together or not, I would have gone through and taken the responsibility and had a child before I was ready. But, that soon changed, as I went in for the ultrasound. I was around 6 or 7 weeks..and there was only the sac. So the DR thought PP maybe detected me that I was earlier than thought OR this was an unhealthy pregnancy. I went back, around 8 weeks now. And still the same thing. Just an empty sac. I felt relief knowing that I didn't see a fetus growing in my belly. that I wasn't riding of anything, etc. It was unhealthy and I had two options. Go through with the procedure or wait to miscarry. Miscarry scared me more, so I went through with the procedure.I'll just put this out there, the procedure is not as bad OR scary as some forums and testimonies make it to be. I had some discomfort especially during the vacuuming, but it was tolerable. But we are all different.

It is now almost a month and I have come over with this onset of anger and sadness to frustration and completely irritable. Out of my mind mood swings. I am very worried as I have no regret or guilt over the procedure itself. I have no idea where this is coming from? Is it hormonal? I do feel a little let down and feel like I have little support from the people around me who DO know of this situation. My mom and sister are christian and do not believe in abortion. I decided not to tell them because of their beliefs, which i do not share, and knew that I would not have their support. Perhaps that is why I am so angry and sad all the time. Because in a time like this, a mother's comfort is the best healer. And I think I am looking to my partner (who let's face it, the male species is completely dumbfounded when it comes to us ladies, for the most part) and my friend and boss to be there and support me unconditionally (like a mom would), but they cannot...they have their own lives and problems to deal with. I just feel so alone. I am pushing my partner away, who was apart of this situation because..well i don't know why. I feel that he doesn't understand me? I try to explain myself and I get an "oof" and nothing more is said or asked. I just want this to pass. Is it even going to pass? I want to get back to my normal self. I have no energy. I am beginning to hate my job, which I have only loved everything about it for the past 2+ years. I just feel like I need to let out a good cry, but all i have been doing this past 1-2 weeks is cry...
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woops, I mean that I AM going back on BC.
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Hi I'm 16 years old and I literally just had my abortion FIVE DAYS ago... I remember getting there hoping I would under go the medical abortion but I was told I was to far along in my pregnancy to under go one (I was 9weeks and 2days). I immediately made the decision of having a surgical abortion, because there is no way I was going to go back home and tell them I'm pregnant.. I'm from a line of a very successful and respected wealthy business men and women.. They already believe I'm the black sheep of the family and me being pregnant would be official and no surprise to them... I've been suffering with depression from the age of 8 till now, if I had to remain pregnant I doubt I'd be live... I did the abortion because I wanted to save myself, I wanted to change my life, and because I know I have at least three people on this world that love. That has got to count for something right? At that moment everything seemed so right, and when I laid on my back as the nurse continued to do the suction procedure, my mind was empty, my feelings were gone, I was practically emotionally numb! I really needed somebody to talk to (I still do) but there is no one! My boyfriend doesn't want to talk about it and keeps brushing it off every time I bring it up, I can't talk to my sister about it because she is too judge mental to understand, I can't talk to a therapist about it because its been over two years since I've seen her and I don't think she would look at me the same if I ever had to!!! I'm just sooo ALONE!!!! If I could I would take it all back from the sex right down to the abortion if I am going to have to live with myself feeling this way!!! :-( :'(
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Do abortions make it hard for the women to look at the father of that kid after? Will this abortion change how she looks at me at all and can we get past that?

My girlfriend and I are taking a break to figure everything out and to let her heal and stuff and she is afraid of evreything changing after because it will make her see me differently. Is this true?
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