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As a kid I was molested by my friend Chris for up to 4-5 years. I had no idea that I was being molested because we both liked it, it was fun and felt good. Although its embarassing to talk about it because it took away half my life. It braught such gult and shame to my life. But at this time I didn't have sexual thoughts about the same sex. Infact I was well into the opposite sex.


Before puberty I was well into woman, I had sexual thoughts and frenched kissed my best freind Amanda. We had a great friendship it was like being married, we faught for a day then loved each other the next. However soon as puberty hit things changed.

I never knew what masterbation was until my friend Kyle and his cousin, his cousin often showed us his penis, then we watched him masterbate. I had no idea what was going on, so then later that night I went home and practiced what he did on his penis, and I found out boy I love this feeling. Then later on during puberty I started to wonder and think about the same sex, it often confused me greatly. I didn't want to seek medical help because I was too scared. Everytime I do it I feel such guilt and shameness, but during it I feel so great and happy. But as I was saying, during the puberty years. I was beginning to be very curious about the same sex, and how it would feel to be with another man, I never thought to my self as being a homo or gay, but people called me gay because I was often confused about things. I often watched gay porn because I liked it during my state of masterbation. I liked the skin of men the abs. for many years this was going on, but before puberty I never liked guys, always was into my friend Amanda. But I started to watch anal sex and masterbation of guys, and saw gay guys was haveing pleasureable sex attributes toward each other. Looking at another guy can turn me on, thinking sexual thoughts. Often looking down around the location of another man and then became erected. Looking at topless men all the way down to there pants toward the mid section of there gentile location turned me on, but its the same way with woman, thinking of them looking at them the same way turns me on too. But more often I seen my self watching gay porn more then straight porn my whole life. I am currently 18 years old. Often curious about the same sex, and the opposite, my friend chris had the same problems, but he however had straight and gay sex, and I never experienced it. But I always wanted to try it out with him. Lustfully wanting to have the penis orallly anusly and also wanted to do it to him. But then one day he had a break down because of all the problems that had happened to him in the past, and what happened to him in the teen years. I was getting really curious and asked him if we could try it, so he sucked mine for a few strokes, couldn't really say I didn't like it, I wasn't sure what the feeling was, so then I tried it on him, I didn't like the feeling of a soft penis in my mouth it was a bit nasty and taunted me for days. But then one night I was in my room and got naked on my bed and started to have anal masterbation along with masterbating my penis at the same time, with my penis over my face, then bursted over my face, then it was really scary, I felt such disloyal to myself, became very sadden. I hated what I did, I hated everything that happened to me, I just hated it so much, I cried for nearly an hour in the shower trying to clean myself up, I just simply hated it. But during the time of it, it felt good. Also each time I masterbated during the years of growing up, it felt unatural but good at the same time. So I joined a religion which I found to be the true religion, and slow but surely its changeing me. But I still see my past and huge scars on my life. My masterbation has decreased from once a day to nearly once a week. I am still a virigin and never had intercourse and will not have it until I am married. But I am so confused about everything that has happened to my life.

What can I do??
Someone told me that I am not gay but just very "BI-Courious"
Is it still part of puberty? Because I still have emotions for my girlfriends at many times.

Also with joining a religion they said it was wrong to masterbate because it was part of the sinning against god, because it is what Satan wants for us, it is forbidden by Jehovah, because Jesus said to his deciples that in the end days people will be-come lovers of them self, lovers of pleasure.

I never spoke to anything about this to my religion overseer or elder yet, because I am affraid they will look at me differently. Over the past few months I have been with the Jehovah Witnessess they have helped me spiritually and physically. They helped me to understand things, but they don't know what exactly I have gone through. I have been doing Bible studies and going to the Kingdom hall and everything for the past 6 months, and during the last 6 months my life has changed significantly. So any other hints or tips. and please DO NOT CRITICIZE MY RELIGION, or FLAME the religion. Because they have helped me in many ways, that 3 other religions that I have grew up through have not done a darn thing.

I was baptist, catholic, christian, and now I am currently a Jehovah Witness, and I love this religion the people and everything, they show me the truth in the Bible that the other religions have not, and it has helped me to understand things, but I am wondering if other people have gone through the same things that I have gone through, please repost to my help in need. Not flameing the Jehovah Witnessess for I know many people hate them, but I love them. I love Jehovah god and his son Jesus.

Please forgive me of this huge post, but as you can see I am really highly confused.

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DON"T give up!!! i too am one of jehovah's witnesses and i struggle with a masterbation problem!!! if you talk to the elders they will never look at u differently!!! they will show you from the bible where and how to draw strength from jehovah!!! and they can pray with you for jehovah's holly spirit to be with you!!!!
also counseling may help!!! someone to talk to that doesn't know you or anyone conected with you sometimes can be the best thing!!!
hope i helped or at least encouraged you!!! hang in there!!!
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Abnevis
Well you have a lot to say. but in the end, it is always you that do what you do with yourself. if I read this correctly, you joined in or followed along with your sexual past, like being with Amanda. So most of the ideas you recalled, are just part of puberity, a time to find your self among other peoples doings, and find what you like and dislike and hate to do. you do enjoy being with the females, and males may have a intersts to you, but you may never follow that path, or for too long at least.
The guilty side is; you’re a religion person, and they wish you to "not stray away"; but you can see, no hair has growing on your hands, and nothing has been taking away from you. (know that I am going to hear more on this) So enjoy what you have at this time , and it will be a end to it where you get there, It may take some time for it to happen, so enjoy your friends, girl or boy the way you wish to.
RT
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well obviously you are very confused. ehh if u want it to stay un akward remeber this is all in the past you can become a new person and even if u turn out gay in the end god forgives us for our sins and he will always love you . also i am not gay or bi i am very streight but to be honist i havent hiten puberty i have a like err 3 inch 2 inch penis 5 or 4 maby 6 erect.
also i am suprised that mature people awnsered ur thred kus i was googleing eralyer and people are assholes dont listen to people if they call u a fag theve probly still havent found themselvs and sorry for my grammer im 14.
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Well first am not going to flame Jehovah witnesses but i don't like them. trust me, i have had problems with some of them before...anyway concerning this. don't be scared, masturbation is a natural thing and it ain't a act of Satan...and this is why i don't like Jehovah witnesses... Satan this and Satan that, you're not allowed to read that because Satan wants you to be prepared if someone breaks into your house, o what? i can't listen to system of a down? i can't be able to shoot thing's? i can't be able to mosh pit! i can't be able to stay up all night playing tekkan 4 with my friends and getting pissed off our heads? i cant even have 1 little tiny bit of peace when...ding dong. who could that be? "hello,have you heard of Jehovah?" No Christmas, No birthday!, No Easter!!!. And then there's my gran. Every single time i go round her house it's just Jehovah this and Jehovah that. Hey did you know i finally mastered my Arnis Technique...o wait? i can't do that? well strap me into a chair, blow my brains out and call my a Jehovah witness!!!

ANYWAY MY ANGRY SPEECH ON WHY I HATE THEM IS OVER...NOW well if they helped you it's good for you but remember masterbation is a celebration not a bad thing. Enjoy your life, live it while you can, and heck prehap's there ain't a heaven after all, but there could be...
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from the length of this description it seens like you are very anxious for answers you have quite a sexual history i have expierienced similar events in the past and i am ashamed of it im not really gay at all although i enjoy watch shemale pornographic material. i have been confused with this for a long time but i had a little game for you pull up to different porn videos on straight one gay have them side by side, then start playing them which ever one u feel liked u watched the most u probably or more toward that sex appeal now i used to be a christian biy i started have doughts about the religion and if gods real or not so i didn't rtake the athiest side or the chathlic side i decided to awlays think "we here for a reason the place was created for a reason but i don't know what the reason is i do not plan totake anybodies' opion i don't be athiest cause when i die i might be proven wrong and may go to hell but i don't want to be religious cause whatever exist may have a different plan and since i didn't belive in it may not have a good after life... or whatever happens after i pass on. even though im not totally religious i can say this, "masterbating is ok u don't have to listen to them" good gave us pleasure for a reason and he wants us to find a way to get it, and sex isn't always avaliable masterbting is just sexually explorinf your body or have pleasure with out anybody around masterbating is not wrong just most people do not want to admit its right so some will say it is a sin so no one will see them as weird but i believe almsot everybody (90%) think masterbating is ok, and 80 % of that group of poeple don't admit it they thinks everybody elso thinks its weird. but try watching transexually porn see if that can help go and tell your girlfriend about ur ciusiosity about bisexuallity if she is a good gf she will help and stay with you, remember follow your guts, heart, and mind
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hes right if masterbating is a act of satan why does it feel so good, if it is an act of satan then why don't get survey pain when i pray to god. god wants us to explore anything we can with out harm even ourselves
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Hi CityInFlames,
I think that this is an individual thing, and there should be no judging is this right or wrong. If you like it and want to do it, then it is your free will of doing it. You are not harming anybody, so there is no wrong in doing it.
There are many members here on SteadyHealth that have practiced it for many years (they are older guys), and they are just fine.
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I too, came from a religious background, and Im not 'knocking' ANY religion, for it came do someone good in 'sorting' things out..but in the latter years, I believe God created us all, straight, gay or bi, that He loves us all

I didnt surprise myself that I like both guys n girls, kinda knew it from second grade, when I had a crush on a fellow student, hugging him everytime I saw him...Then in my second year of college, realized I liked guys after a one-time experience after dating a bi black girl..Ive come to the realization that most people are bi-curious and attraction to both sexes can be normal...Sexuality is defined by RELATIONSHIPS, not by one does sexually behind closed doors

Its great that you believe in saving yourself for marriage...in high school, I shared a bit in THAT dream, but somehow knew it was gonna be different for me...When The question came up in Psych class, how many children we wanted, I said, "just one" (even then I didnt really envision having that one, for some reason--never really wanted, but as I get older, Ive thought of it)

Today, I have have an understanding partner who metme at 21yo, as I had been sowing my oats for a half a year..fortunately, Im spared of any diseases, for I had multiple partners, one, maybe two almost every night...He is my LIFE partner, for we grew up together, working together at times...we even talked about adopting a child, but right now he is persuing his master's degree and Im developing a second service business
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It sounds to me that you are bisexual, but I would not worry about that at all. I personally think everyone in this world is a little bisexual, some more than others though. I think for a while I had the same problem as you. I felt guilty for ever watching lesbian porn, but it turned me on, but then after masturbating I felt extremely guilty, but at the same time felt waves of pleasure. I kept doing it, because I realized, MASTURBATION IS NOT A SIN. I used to limit masturbation to only once a month, but now I masturbate a few times a week, even when I have sex with my boyfriend (and it's great). And it's okay if you have a natural curiosity for the same gender. I always toyed with the idea of hooking up with girls, but it never really materialized. Then I fell in love with a boy, and I realized I loved him, not girls/boys of any other. Anyways, my point is, masturbation is okay don't ever feel guilty about it (it's good for you!), and things will straighten out for you in the end, don't worry about your sexual orientation too much. Just stay true to who you are, and never feel guilty for having curiosity for the same sex.

C
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p.s. I forgot to mention I follow the Christian religion, but I still masturbate and have sex with my boyfriend. Satan will not drag you into the depths of hell for having sexual desires. As long as you are monogamous and have good morals, then you are in the clear.

C
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it is normale to wonder about if ur gay or straight im going through that too i did what you did but i showed my friend masturbation and he sucked mine and i sucked his i like it. i have to say ask your mom or dad about it.
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i masturbate and I SERIOUSLY wat 2 STOP. i keep tellin' my friends dat i don't masturbate cuz i'm embarressed 2 talk 'bout it
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it is not your problem. the senses will take over the inner self. every thing is fine and forgiven after realization besides confession. have confidence and lead a happy life.
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how did you get your penis over your face? you are that limber?
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