I think im gay but im in love with a girl!;

I dated girls throughout High School. And I had some guy friends that we would masturbate together. I had a curiosity about men's bodies since I was 6 or 7. I had brothers and sisters, and there wasn't ever any nudity in the house, I never saw my father naked.
So it may be a curiousity thing. But I found that when dating the object was to go all the way. But when that happened, I felt no more attraction to that girl. It seemed like a game, and game over,you move on to next one. I had my own apartment before I graduated High School.It was close to a University, so most of the people in the building were slightly older,than me, but very friendly. So there were people I could talk to about these things. That was when I went to my first Gay Bar. And started making friends who were also Gay. My biggest concern was my family finding out. Myself and some other guys I have known have dated african american girls, or at least tell their family that they are. I told my cousin that's my age first, and he was totally cool about it. Never really told any other family members, I always lived seperatley and it didn't seem necesary. The Bible and some cultures don't have problems with males loving one another, they have a problem with SODOMY . You should not lay with a man as you would a woman. Meaning to penatrate as you would a woman. There is a group of men who refer to themselves as Goys. They feel male friendships and love are fine, but are opposed to sodomy, and effeminate behaviour. And a lot of gay men do not have anal sex. So you need to figure out if you feel you could be happy in a straight relationship. Many men do,because they want children and a family, and it is what is expected of them. Some of these men eventually come out, or seek male sex on the side. The down-low as they say, where they do this apart from family, and prefer to keep it quite and seperate. I have an Uncle who has never married, had several engagements but never went through with them, I feel he is gay and being in a small town with Brothers with families, and him being very athletic,he was never comfortable coming out. But he has never really ever seemed to be truly happy. I think other family members think the same thing,but our family is one that doesn't talk about those things. But remember it should never be anything to consider ending your life over. If you come to accept it, the people who love you will too.