what you have is called HOCD homesexual obsessive compulsive disorder, i would know i suffered, still occasionally suffer from it, i have been straight as an arrow my entire life, but at the age of 15, i was watching some porn, and it was a threeway with two guys and a girl, it was one of those moments where i just couldnt turn away, i didnt get hard, didnt feel turned on just couldnt turn away from the two men having intercourse on the screen, after that day, i would consider "am i gay?" ALL THE TIME, at school when masturbating, when talking to girls, even though i had never had feelings for a man other than my best freind my whole life, as a result i surrounded myself in hate speech, and became super homophobic, but this only worsened it, i would watch gay porn just to see if i was turned on, i would try anal stimulation, but stopped once a tried it and bled from my anus. i am very meterosexual so i got worse when a gay kid asked me out in high school, i told him to go f**k himself and go to hell, but it got worse, i finally adopted a mental practice of mental visualization and "locked my thoughts away" i dont have much worries anymore, but somedays particularly monday mornings i have thoughts, i just try to do anything i can to distract myself from them, its a hard struggle but youll get through it...i did
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