Sorry this is kind of long but I want to learn about anxiety more so here is my story:
My boyfriend and I were only together for 5 months. But I grew to really care about him. I have never dealt with anyone before with anxiety so my knowledge with it is unclear. He started to open up about his anxiety one month in but he didn't seem to enjoy talking about it. Third month in, we were bumping heads quite a bit and he was very defensive. I realized certain trigger words and phrases put him over the edge. I was trying to learn to be more patient & biting my tongue (even when I felt like he was being so irrational). Things got better by the fifth month. We hadn't argued in a few weeks and I was biting my tongue and working on my patience because I knew his anxiety made him think the worst. Then suddenly, on birthday he says things like: "I'm very unsure about us, I feel so grey about us, I'm not sure if we have a connection since we like different music, I feel like you are so mean and don't talk to me." I was so confused because I had been trying my best to be so patient and kind, and the past 3 weeks were fine (to me at least). Why was he suddenly exploding on me on my birthday? But he agreed that he wanted to see where things went with us.
Couple days later, I had a birthday party at the bar he works at, and he was so caught off guard that 55 people showed up for me. He asked, "How do you know so many people?" And I replied with, "From college and my big family!" And he asked, "Well, you have been out of college for 4 years. How do you still have so many friends?" And I said, "I guess I am good at keeping in touch with people." Instead of him thinking it was nice that I have so many friends, he replied with "Gross." But as the night went on, he admitted he felt anxious and he apologized he wasn't socializing with my friends and family. I told him not to worry about it at all and that he can talk to them whenever he felt comfortable. Later on that night, he came up to me and said, "I love you so much. This is exactly what our relationship needed. I love you and I have a good feeling about our future". I said the same things back to him and the next day, sober, he said, "I meant everything I said to you last night." Then following day, he said randomly, "I am so happy you are my girlfriend." So the fact he said such loving things the past two days, I figured his "grey" thoughts about our relationship were gone. Then a week later, he calls me and breaks up with me over the phone. He says the connection is gone for him. He says that he has been trying but it's just not there anymore. He is almost 32 and the fact that he couldn't drive 5 minutes to break up with me in person killed me. He seemed emotionless on the phone and all he could keep saying was "I'm sorry".
Three days after he broke up with me, I flew to Costa Rica for a week with friends. They asked if my trip was a factor of this breakup but I am really unsure and confused. I feel like at 31, he should not be throwing phrases like "I love you" & "I'm so happy you're my gf" around. How could he lose the connection with in one week? And does he care so little that he couldn't break up with me in person? How much of his anxiety plays in this? I just want to hear any input so I can understand his sudden change and decision. I haven't talked to him once since the break up (3 weeks ago). Although, I feel heartbroken and upset, I feel worried and compassion because I know he is anxious and suffers depression. His dad also has Alzheimers so I know that is a huge factor in his life. (He goes to therapy every week-Also, he broke up with me over the phone right after his therapy session). I am wondering if he pushed me away but really needs support more than ever right now, even if it is just as a friend. Any advice will help! Thanks.