Trio of Jokes for a Rainy day

at least here in Jacksonville it is raining!




After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation.
They are all asked the same question, "When you're lying in your casket,
and friends and family are mourning over you, what would you like to
hear them say about you?"

The first guy immediately responds, "I would like to hear them say
that I was one of the great doctors of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful
husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in the
children of tomorrow."

The last guy thinks for a moment, and then replies,
"I guess I'd like to hear them say, 'Look, he's moving!'"

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A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle
of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed
a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was
pulled over.

The officer handed the man a citation, and then as he turned to
walk back to his cruiser, the man asked, "Officer, I know I was
speeding, but I don't think it's fair. There were plenty of other
cars around me going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"

"Ever go fishing?" the policeman asked the man.

"Um, yeah... so," the startled man replied.

The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch ALL the fish?"
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Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said,
"I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk.
"That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face,
the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up,
then teasingly held it out.

The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer
standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."