Okay this is really hard to explain. I am not at all shy or hiding in the back round if that makes any sense. I feel anxious almost all the time. I start to think (deep) about whatever then I feel myself fade, I turn all hot and feel like I am fading away. I am really scared because it just wont go away. I wake up in the morning but I don't feel 100% awake and if I think about that I am awake but don't feel it, then I get freaked out and the fading into some weird daze comes on until I calm down and stop thinking. I can look at someone say at the store with their kids and wonder if their life is better and what they do or how they love and then the bizarre daze state starts. I am really scared. I can not go to the doctors yet, as my insurance hasn't kicked in. I am always fidgeting. I over analyze EVERYTHING! If I don't think about it the attack does not happen but as soon as I do then it comes on and I feel separated from myself with thoughts that just don't make sense. Sometimes if I am thinking say for instance about what I am writing a thought will enter my messed up brain and it brings me to this weird deshavu sort of feeling. I am on high blood pressure medicine so I don't really get the fast heartbeat and the rapidness feeling but I can feel the anxiousness, it actually never leaves. I like I said I am not shy, I am not in your face either. Here is a recent example of some of what is going on with me. My husband and I have not gotten along for quite some time, he is in jail at the moment for some issues dealing with my young daughter. My daughter's dad called the police and I have a TPO on my husband to even cover a year from the 17th of this month. I have had not contact as of course the TPO does not allow however my husband has spoken with a neighbor and I have heard that he blames me and he says he didn't do anything to he knows he messed up and has lost me forever bla bla bla. I just recently went back to work and took a huge pay cut but can still afford my bills. I was fired from a job I love more then anything except my kids ;) I was at this job for 5 and 1/2 years and a new Administrator let me go because she did not like me and we did not see eye to eye. I have NEVER been fired in my life, as I write this I can feel the anxiety and I am now crying and I am not sure why except losing my job was very traumatic but it is what it is and like I said I am working in the same field as an Assistant instead of a Director but I am glad for that since now I don't have to take work home and can spend time with my young daughter. I am going to be 47 and that freaks me a little since we can't turn back time. I feel like I am going crazy, I feel like I am slipping into not a real person. I sometimes think about things that I did in the past or places and I get this weird tingle and a skippage feeling I feel sometimes like my brain is just going to un-spin (twing,twang,blangie, blang) like unravel. I am so scared I don't know what is wrong with me. I was recently in the hospital I thought I was having a heart attack so I had many tests and they all came back normal. I ended up having uncontrolled high blood pressure but they adjusted my medication and said I actually have the body and heart of a 30 year old. Lie I said I am not shy but I find myself getting super anxious or scared because I have to go to the store or library or work but then once I am there it is fine. PLEASE!!! Someone help me.