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Hi every1,

I’m new on this forum, but i rly need some help about an issue in my relationship n I cant rly talk about this to my friends because i don’t like sharing private matters about my relationship.

My bf n me r together for about 3.5 years n its long distance relationship. I know most ppl don’t believe these ones can work but we managed to keep it up. We ofc had alot of ups n downs n about 6m ago we had 1m break after which one our relationship became much stronger, I guess we both realised how much we rly love each other n that we want to keep it up n fight for it n for making future together. We see each other as much as we can since we both work, so every 2m or so n spend around 2 weeks together at the time, also we r both trying to get more education 2 b able to provide some normal life for us in future. While apart we r always on Skype when we have free time, watching movies together, chatting, playing games even sleeping with headsets on most of the time lol.

Ofc we practice alot of cyber sex or at least we use 2... but lately its reduced so much that it rly frustrates me. I’m always the one initiating it n so very often i get rejected, for example we saw each other 1m ago n since then we did it once, I was trying to start it 100000x n i got refused n the one time we had it was on his initiative. I don’t know what’s happening there but I know it rly makes me feel unwanted n unattractive to him. In person sex life is great we have it everyday when we see each other but we use to have it so often over internet before as well n I’m sure he enjoyed as much as I did, plus cyber sex in my opinion rly improved our sex life since we can talk about things we like to b done to us n other way around so u know how to please ur partner. Plus paranoia moment in my head is if we use to have cyber sex almost every day n now once a month will this lead to us having it so really in person in close future as well. Ofc I don’t expect it to b everyday always but we r both between 25 n 30 years old so its normal to do it more than once per month.

The other night I tried it again n again got refused n I got enraged n caused a fight n told him to f*k off already n usual things one say when pissed off, he went offline n I cried myself to sleep because it made me feel so unwanted by the person I care so much about. I apologised next morning because I know he loves me n I love him n our relationship is great in general n I don’t want to forget all good things because I don’t like this one. But thinking that he masturbates on some random porn instead of doing it with me rly puts me down, I don’t mind him doing it now n then if we do it together often enough, since if nothing else iv read that watching porn a lot does nothing good to ones sex life.

During pass period I was trying to talk to him about it but except saying he is tired or saying we will do it tomorrow which wouldn’t happen ofc I wouldn’t get any answer why this changed. About my appearance I’m not a sex bomb but I’m a nice looking girl n I know how many guys approach to me when I’m having a night out with girls so I don’t think its that n well when we r together he has no problem with humping me J. I don’t think he is cheating on me, we spend so much time together n I don’t notice any weird behaviour, he is nice to me n already planning to come to see me in 1m or so. He changed job 8m ago but he is rly happy with new one n doesn’t complain about getting frustrated with it at all.

Pls help me understand this n give me some advice how to fix it because this rly hurts me, I’m already feeling my self-esteem dropping down n we all know that leads to jealousy n other things that will ruin this in the end. Even if u think I should try to talk to him again about it, give me some advice how to do it so I don’t get to aggressive on the matter because guys don’t rly like to talk about problems like this. Ty all in advance xx

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You definitely need to talk to him.

The best way to talk to him would be to do so in a calm manner.  Before you ask any questions, tell him that you think the two of you need to talk and is this moment good to talk.  If he says no, ask him when, but be firm about scheduling a time to talk about him.  Tell him it's important for you guys to work out the kinks in your relationship and it can't be put off forever.  But don't be mean about it.  Say so in a calm manner.

Once you do talk about it, present your feelings in I statements, such as "I think..." and "I feel..."  DO NOT use you statements because this will make him feel attacked and will only stifle communication.

Once you're done telling him how you feel, invite him to share his feelings.  If he doesn't communicate as nicely as you communicated to him, just breathe through it.  Don't act defensive.  If he says anything that hurts your feelings, calmly let him know that.  You can say, "I don't appreciate it when you say that to me.  I would much prefer that you verbalized that in a different way."

Don't expect to be the only one with complaints.  Maybe he has a need or a want in the relationship that you need to address.  A relationship is always a two-way street, so be prepared and ready for that.

If you want further examples of communication, get the book Why Marriage Succeed or Fail, by John Gottman.  You can skip to the communication chapters.  It's a great resource to help with any relationship, not just marriage.

Best of luck!
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Ty for reply,
I talked to him once again, n he admitted he was watching porn, n got kind of addicted to it in the past few months n that he will put an end to it. Ofc i started crying because of it n i told him that it upset me that he did it, n kept avoiding 2 tell me n kept rejecting me, n reminded him about the fact that we both know very well that porn is gd way for ruining sex life for 2 ppl n that he should have been more smart about it. But then I started culming down n saying that ill get over it if he rly does as he promised but then he dropped on me that he is planning to go on holidays with his friends during summer. He did that in the past n I did as well out of spite which was bad n we agreed after our break we will stop doing stuff that hurt each other.
I know some ppl might say I’m evil person for not letting him go, but all his friends r single n their holidays r 24/7 drunk rampage n chasing girls, I don’t think my Bf was cheating on me but I don’t want him to act single when he is not n b apart of that. On last holidays pictures I saw at BF’s friend album consisted of taking pictures of drunken girls kissing each other, his friends grabbing their breast n my Bf taking picture one of them with his mobile phone. Took me ages to recover from it last time n I don’t want to get tho that all over again. I tried to explain once more that that holiday will hurt me badly n that ill have to go tho hell all over again n that I prefer he didn’t go n act like he is single. His answer was that I won’t stop him 2 go n that I’m selfish n spoiled n yelled at me n then walked away n stop answering phones. I think I should take a step bk now n disappear for a while n let him chill out n maybe he will change his mind but I’m not so sure he will.
I have to say that I rly love him n that my bf isn’t a bad guy I think he is rather stubborn n maybe immature like most of guys his age are n that he did million of nice things to show me that he loves me n so on n, I’m not the kind of person that forgets all gd when something bad happens. I also know that last time when we broke up I went tho rly bad patch in my life I even ended on antidepressive medicines because I couldn’t deal that some1 who 1day loves n other day do something so hurtful to me, n I worked with my doctor not to b upset about small stuff n to stop being so mistrustful after some1 does something that hurts me. My point is that I don’t want to go tho that hell again over again n that I want him to move to next lvl where I wont have to deal with these nonsense.
I would b grateful if some1 can tell me if I’m a drama queen or not n if I should do something different or if I live in fairytale that he loves me at all n that he will ever more to next lvl or if all these signs shows me that its time for me to walk away for good.
Ty 
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