8 Ways To Help Someone With Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) | Mental Health articles | Emotional & Mental Health center

Like the traumatic event or events that trigger it, post-traumatic stress disorder has a huge impact on the daily life and functioning of someone living with it. It changes, everything — from mood and emotions to behavior, from the ability to cope with everyday tasks to the ability to deal with the unexpected, from worldview and self-image to relationships.

PTSD is hard to live with, not just for folks who have it but also for the most important people in their lives. The kinds of things you're seeing in your loved one with PTSD may affect you negatively, but you'll also likely be left frustrated as you try to figure out what you can do to "make it better", only to find that that's very difficult.

So, here are some tips from someone diagnosed with PTSD. Of course, what's actually helpful to your loved one is going to vary — their needs and what's healthy for them depend on their personality and cultural background, among many other things, so keep that in mind before you try to force things that may not be beneficial at all on the person with PTSD in your life.

1. Learn about PTSD

Understanding how trauma can impact a person's life — what kinds of symptoms and reactions are common, and why they happen — is essential for anyone who has a close relationship with someone who has post-traumatic stress disorder. Learning as much as you can about PTSD allows you to get insights into what your loved one is going through as well as the things they do or don't do that may be difficult for you to cope with. It can also help you begin to understand how you can help them on their path to healing.

The chapter about understanding the impact of trauma from the book Trauma-Informed Care in Behavioral Health Services (publicly available via NCBI's bookshelf) was written for care providers, but offers a very nice overview that laypeople can easily understand too. It may be a nice place to get started.

2. Include your loved one with PTSD in activities

After a trauma, many people feel isolated from other people and the rest of society, and detached or alienated. The "normal world" may feel unreal, and someone with PTSD may not see a place for themselves in it.

Add the fact that some of the possible symptoms and manifestations of PTSD — like flashbacks, violent nightmares, angry outbursts, and substance abuse — can be very hard on others, and it's very easy for someone with post-traumatic stress disorder to feel completely alone and excluded.

I'm not suggesting that you try to, say, force your loved one to attend a loud concert with a large crowd when they don't want to. But gently asking them if they want to go for a walk, do some exercises, play a board game, have dinner, or whatever else, really can help. Yes, even if they've said no to the same stuff in the past. Even if I didn't want to do things with people, them asking meant a lot to me. It showed they still cared. Just don't be pushy about it, or it may backfire.

Even just telling your loved one about your life and day can be very grounding, though, so including them doesn't have to mean something big.

3. Let your loved one know you're there to listen

That is, if you really are. If you're strong enough to hear about the details of your loved one's trauma and the way in which PTSD impacts them now, then tell your loved one that you are ready to be a part of that, and a safe person to talk to. Don't try to interrogate your loved one, and don't make them feel threatened — but make it clear they can come to you.

Also ask your loved one to listen to you, if they're in a state of mind where they can do that. Especially if they are someone very close to you, like an intimate partner, parent, or child, you need to be able to communicate about how their PTSD is affecting you, too. These conversations may be hard, but they could be the only way to come up with an action plan that works. (However, please wait for high emotions to cool down before you have serious conversations!)

4. Make a rage plan

Many people living with post-traumatic stress disorder are plagued by chronic negative feelings like anger, irritability, and fear (which can look a lot like anger). These feelings may be low-level and manageable much of the time, but sometimes boil over. Many are emotionally numb and unable to experience positive emotions.

It is also common to have an exaggerated startle response, where something like a noise, smell, or movement can scare the person and cause them to lash out, and to suddenly be overcome by reexperiencing symptoms such as flashbacks, which leave a person in a weird mood afterwards.

The VA (US Veterans Affairs) recommends a time-out system for this, wherein any person in the interaction can call for an immediate end to it, and get it. This gives someone with PTSD space to get themselves together before returning to human interaction. They add that you need to get to a safe place and call for help if the anger is directed at you in a dangerous way.

I agree with this, as someone who understands the rage all too well — people trying to comfort me during such an episode never worked out well. Other people, however, may have different experiences and find comfort and even the ability to cool off in being around a loved one.

5. Be a safe space

Simply by being there for your loved one with PTSD — and accepting them as they are right now, of course where that is safe for you — and believing in them, you can make a huge difference. PTSD is more likely to develop in people who have poor social support networks, and they may have more trouble recovering from it, as well. People with PTSD have often lost faith in the world and the people in it, so being predictable and trustworthy will help establish that they can, indeed, trust you.

6. Know what triggers your loved one

This can help both of you avoid uncomfortable situations. I'm not suggesting that you enable your loved one as they try to avoid reminders of their trauma and help keep their PTSD alive — that's for all of you to work out with a therapist, if your loved one is in treatment. But definitely don't do things that you know will trigger them on purpose.

7. Help your loved one get access to services

The things that need to be done to get access to services, like therapy, can sometimes be very tough to navigate for someone with PTSD. Indeed, they may be triggering in themselves. If you can help the person with PTSD in your life research possible therapists, fill in paperwork, and the like, that could make an enormous difference. (Again, don't push them if they're not ready; be there when they are.)

8. Look after yourself, too

That may mean time away from your loved one with post-traumatic stress disorder. It may mean therapy for yourself. It may mean making sure you get your basic self-care needs out the way, if you live with a loved one with PTSD. Running your own mental health into the ground to try to meet your loved one's needs will not only leave you unable to help them, it's also obviously bad for you. Don't do that.

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