Stopping Passive Aggressive Behavior In Its Tracks

Acknowledge What's Going On

Recognizing the behavior as passive aggressive can be an excellent first step. Have you noticed some of the signs of passive-aggressive behavior? You know, the procrastination, silent treatment, sulkiness, sloppy work, and even gossip? Label the behavior: tell yourself that "this person is being passive aggressive".

This enables you to look at the behavior in context. That's important, because addressing the behavior itself is not going to help unless you can get to the bottom of why the person is behaving like that. That is your next step: if you aren't immediately sure why someone is being passive-aggressive, try to work it out. Ask others for help if you need to.

De-escalate The Situation

Because dealing with passive-aggressive behavior is particularly frustrating, reacting to its manifestations can be all too tempting. That's an unproductive reaction to conflict-avoiders, however, and can lead to escalation in those who seek it. De-escalating the situation is the way to go. There is a lot to be said for addressing the root cause of the behavior, and not the behavior itself. Some ways in which you can do that include:

• Creating regular opportunities for open communication, and encouraging the person to share their views and feelings.
• Stating that you noticed the behavior, and asking what is bothering the other person.
• Directly asking whether the behavior is caused by what you suspect the cause is.

Passive-aggressive people often really dislike being called out on their passive-aggressive behavior. They may deny their anger or frustration, and deny that their behavior is caused by an underlying problem. Be prepared for this. If your relationship with this person is such that you can simply ignore the behavior, or see a lot less of the the person, those can be viable options.

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What if the problem person is someone you work with? Trying to call them out on their behavior using the above suggestions is one thing you can try. Focusing on the problematic behavior itself is another option. If you are in a position of authority over such a person, simply stating that the behavior is not acceptable and needs to stop is also a possibility, and one that's probably inevitable. If you are equals or your boss is passive aggressive, seeking help from those higher up may prove to be productive in some cases. Coworkers who have been working with this person longer may also be able to offer valuable tips.