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so hi im Alexandra and i have a lot of problems. I got an addiction of cutting myself and i promised my mom i would stop doing it after she found out i was cutting myself and i was clean for a few weeks but it was tought everyday i wanted to cut myself i wanted that sensation of relief so yesterday i cut myself total i have 33 cuts. Its my addiction and i love doing it.

Ever since i was 10 i convinced myself i was igly and fat and i am. I'm 5'5 and weight 122pounds i feel so fat i look at myself and just see a big flabby girl im athletic and everyon says ur so skinny but they are all lying i know it. Today i took my 1st laxative pill and im hiding the packet from my mom hopefully she doesnt find one missing. I dont feel like its working exceot occasionally i feel like vomitting. my mom and i are doing this weight loss thing its a tough workout but its not working. My parents are always judging me on what i eat i feel like yelling at them sayin im young i workout i can eat whatever and burn it off! But i think thats how this whole thing started is when my parents strted judging me nd my food.

but i just need names of diet pills and and yes i am Bulimic im not scared to say and please dont judge me

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Hi Lovey, 

I'm so sorry you are going through such a hard time right now sweetie.  You don't deserve any of the negative reinforcement that your parents are giving you in terms of food.  You are not by any means overweight.  I calculated your BMI or Body Mass Index (the tool doctors use to see if you are a healthy weight) and you are actually on the low side of normal weight.  If you grow any taller (which likely you will because you're only 12 and still growing!) or lose any more weight you will soon be considered underweight.  You can calculate your BMI here (http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/).  

You need to seek some help about your eating disorder here are some numbers you can call:


National Eating Disorder Association Hotline
800.931.2237
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/

National Suicide Hotline
1-800-suicide [1-800-273-8255]

Hope Line Network
1-800-273-TALK

Bulimia and Self-Help Hotline
1-314-588-1683 (24 hours crisis line)

As far as your cutting, if you feel the urge to cut 1-800- DONTCUT or 1-800-366-8288 so you can talk to someone who can help you. 

Lastly, I know that you don't want to but you have to talk to an adult about your problems.  If you are not comfortable with talking to your parents you should talk to your school counselor, an older sibling, an aunt, uncle someone you can trust and that you can talk to and that will give you the help you need.  Getting help from someone will get to the root of the cutting and the bulimia and help you move on to a healthy happy life, free from cutting and bulimia in your teenager years.  

I wish you all the best.  Stay positive! 
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Do not take laxatives as a form of losing weight!!! It does NOT take away body fat, it dehydrates you.  Eventually your body will NEED them in order to have bowel movements.  You can destroy your entire body from this.  I grew up being called fat and all sorts of things and I was not even close then.  I ended up having an eating disorder and it is something i still struggle with today at 27 years old. 

Your young.  Your beautiful, I'm sure.  Please stop cutting yourself.  I would really suggest seeing a doctor or calling a help line.. anybody you feel like you can trust to get yourself some help.  You deserve it.  Good luck. 
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I'm sorry to hear you're having a difficult time.
I am in NO WAY lecturing you... I just want you to have all the facts:
ALL eating disorders will impact your metabolism.
You may see them as your only/easiest option, but you end up with a vicious cycle that can lead to multi-organ failure. The more you take these "quick" routes, the worse off your metabolism in the end. I'm not just preaching, this is physiology. Laxatives and diet pills might seem to make a difference, but the water weight will return as soon as you hydrate.
You are still young and have the opportunity to re-train your body's ability to process food and break the cycle. I promise you, if you put the effort into it, those results will be far better than any pill. I wish you the strength.
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