I just want someone to talk to. Type to.

On my own today and started to tidy my flat. As I was looking for some sort of bill to check id finished paying it up, i find an envelope addressed to my partner. from the Royal bank. Out of curiosity I wonder what it is........I know I shouldnt have and now wish I had not, but as I spent all my wage son the girls at christmas I am really angry, I opened it and he has well ( in terms of what we live off) he has a sum that would be well worth knowing about hidden away. I find this abusive, is it? or am I overanalysing the situation. aT FIST i THOUGHT IT A FEW HUNDRED BUT THEN FOUND AN UPDATED STATMENT AND ITS OVER A GRAND....NOT THAT MUCH THESE DAYS , BUT i FEEL SO HURT THAT ITS ALL SO HIDDEN AND THAT i HAVE TO COUNT THE 2S AND 2S FOR BREAD AND MIK SO MY CHILDREN AND i AND HE CAN EAT.

tHE LAST WEEK BEEN WALKING ABOUT WITH A BLACK EYE.

I am really gutted!!!!! Yet hes ben nice, but not supporting my parenting.
I know what I should do. But I am teriffied!!!

I also started to go back on meds as feeling so tearful, so have and thats maybe kept me a bit calmer, but not on such a high doseage as I cant have that feeling offf I must calm down I need to start changing, this , me.

I thought about tdoing another course to escape/ Mentioned that to someone at work who laughed at me. I nearly panned his face in. I know sometimes I seem to others as beeing totally dumb, but I am not!

Cried all the way back from the bank after collecting my last few pounds.

I rember my parents sleeping in seperate beds, and it did make my sister and I feel insecure. If he cannot respect my decision , then Ill go.

Then maybe thats it. Maybe this money is for him to ggo, so he can keep his hands off me. Maybe????????? I just dont believe that one. Oh I hope no one knows who I am as Ireally embarassing and also the rest of the worries. Oh got that gutted feelingin my stomach and pasty faced and so annoyed and so gutted feeling and how could i have been so stupid???????????????????????????????