Hi im 19 and 5 months ago I smoked a joint for the first time and had an overall negative experience. It all started after work one night where a friend of mine said he had weed and planned on smoking after work. I was curious, so I decided I wanted to try it with him, which was a REALLY stupid idea. It was apparently called "Creepy" which there isnt much info on the internet about, but it was apparently some genetically modifided potent version of purple haze from Columbia i learned from a bit of researching, he said a lot of spanish people are familliar with it. It was also prerolled in a blunt and cost like $20. I took 3 hits of it and after about 10 minutes started feeling its effects in my friends car when he was taking me home. Things started feeling strange and dream like and I got this feeling of euphoria. I was watching my hands and arms move and they looked really cool and robotic when they pivoted and I couldn't stop smiling. Then.. after spacing out and staring at the night sky I got a huge wave of fear/lonliness that struck me and time started going slower and slower. I told my friend who was driving I wasn't feeling good and things started to look slightly fake and different. I then made my way into my house which felt like at least 30 minutes and by that time my mind was swarmed with racing thoughts that didn't make sense and I couldn't stop paying attention to senseless details on the doorknobs and stuff when I was trying to get in the house. It was almost like things were in stop motion at this point. Told my brother when I finally got in and he called my mother and her bf to come home and calm me down. The hues/atmosphere of my house kept changing slightly every like 5 seconds and the tone of my concious/voice kept changing as well, like one second I'd sound terrified then another I'd be happy and another I'd be serious. Everything was just really intensified. During that time I lied down on my bed with my heart racing trying to clear my mind and I just stared at the clock and waited for them to come home which felt like an eternity. If they werent home I would've deffinitly called the hospital. It almost feels like time skipped or I blacked out or something, because I only remember the first few minutes of being on my bed. I was a little more coherient at this point and my mom and her bf calmed me down a lot to the point I kinda enjoyed the rest of the high and I went to bed feeling strange still but much calmer. Had this aferglow feeling of spaciness that lasted about 4 days, but I felt fine after that. Had no halloucinations throughout the entire experience.

Then about 3 weeks later I was alone in my room thinking about the night really deep and what exactly happened and I saw something and got this wave of fear again just like when I was high, heart started racing, felt detatched from reality and suddenly really scared. Went and told my mom and I woke up the next morning fine, but after walking through the doorway at home, driving down simmilar roads on my way home from work and stepping into different rooms I kept getting these weird perception changes and random feelings of panic.. ever since the first one.. I guess you can call them flashbacks. Its 5 months in and I'm still feeling really trippy and off :/ I try forcing myself to socalize and do new things but I don't even feel like myself anymore. Ive thought so deep in thought about philosopy and how everything works and how I am who I am what conciousness is what the universe is and nothing seems to make sense or line up to me anymore. My family and friends feel like strangers or figures in a dream at times and it freaks me out. My life doesn't feel linear and I feel like I end up places and forget how I got here, like im still just a little bit high constantly. This has lead to pretty intense depersonalization/derealization that comes and goes. Its been too long and I wish I got a drug test sooner to know what exactly I took, I'm hoping someone might have an idea of exactly what it was. Was it just a bad first high on marijuana I cant seem to get over, or something laced with something?

I've seen a therapist about this and continuing to go every couple of weeks. Also saw a psychiatrist recently and he put me on prozac which I tried and made me extremly irritable and overall a lot worse. I'm now giving Zoloft a try.

I am predisposed to OCD/anxiety but it was all under control before all this. Im a really introvert person and used to enjoy independence/spacing out but now sitting alone in my room isn't comfortable to me anymore. I don't like being alone anymore and its set me back on my goals a lot and turned me really needy towards my family/friends and now recently ruined a really important relationship with a girl who was one of my best friends. This whole thing was a TERRIBLE idea and I really regret it and I won't ever touch any of this sh*t ever again in my life. I did way too much not thinking it was dangerous and didn't even really know what it was and should've chose a better night when I was in a more positive mood/with someone I actually trusted.. or just not done it at all. Any advice? Please don't give me any anti-drug flame because I was only curious and wanted to try it just once. Thanks.