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Infertility sucks. It is hard when you find out you can't conceive naturally after a long time of trying to get pregnant, and it's hard if you are aware that you are infertile before you even try to become a parent, too.

We have dealt with various fertility treatments and medications in detail. But dealing with the emotional side of infertility is perhaps even harder than going through medical procedures. 

Your emotions are not a weakness

Infertility brings enormous amounts of stress and worries. Thoughts about the future, concerns about your doctor's medical recommendations, sleepless nights over the financial impact of infertility... all of these things can make your life hell. I remember being in this situation fairly well. Most of the time, I worked hard to keep up a calm, cold appearance both for my friends and my husband. I felt I had no right to be worried about infertility and that I had to be strong for my other half. I felt I had no right to burden my friends with my situation, probably because I felt I was weak for feeling the way I did.

I went into therapy to deal with both the infertility issues, and unresolved problems from childhood. What I learned in therapy was invaluable to me, and it also applies to every other person: your emotions are valid, and are not a sign of weakness at all. One of the most important keys to dealing with your feelings in a healthy way is to acknowledge their existence. The next step is to openly discuss them with people you care about, and people who care about you. Your friend will definitely be willing to listen to you, and will understand why you need to get your feelings off your chest. Just being understood by your friends will lift a huge burden.

Research, and chat with others going through the same thing

The internet is one of your best allies. I found that reading more about the conditions that caused our infertility had a calming effect on me. There was another great positive side effect reading factual information gave me an excellent opening to talk about infertility with my husband. At the time, he was not very willing to talk about his emotions about the whole situation, but he was very willing to talk about medical details.

These discussions sometimes led us to argue, and sometimes led us to cry together. It was very healing. Another thing you can find on the web is support from people who are going through the same thing you are. You can also read about people who are at different stages of their journey. When you are just exploring fertility treatment, it helps to hear how people who are already going through the treatment are feeling. When you are going through the treatment, it is good to hear from folks who have already become mothers and fathers.

Find distraction

Infertility can easily become an all-encompassing experience. Don't let it. Make very sure that you spend regular time with your partner, to connect and have fun. While you should definitely discuss your feelings openly, you should also take time out from that and simply enjoy each other. At times, it may help you to focus on work, or Renovating your house, or a hobby, or care for an elderly parent in other words anything that is not related to infertility.

This is crucial if you want to avoid getting sucked into a downward spiral of stress and worry. Another note on the topic of distraction. If you want a break from talking about infertility, whether you just got the diagnosis or are already in the middle of IVF treatment or other fertility treatments, you will want to think carefully about whom you share your infertility with. People will often ask questions when you least expect and want it, and those who have no personal experience with fertility struggles have an unfortunate tendency to make very insensitive comments about it. The worst I've heard is that you shouldn't be having kids anyway if you are infertile, and that it is nature's way of sending you a message. If you don't want to hear that type of comment, don't discuss your medical care with anyone you believe might be unsupportive. Even if that happens to be your mother in law.

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